Cleome
by 7rabbits
Summary: Told by her. Friends, secrets, sex and well her story.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! So, first of all i would like to I wil not be continuing Bittersweet, i think it has enough resolve. Academie and Cramoisi will be posted this week, i'm still playing with a few words and not exactly happy about it... Till then here is a new one! It will have a lot of angst and humor at the same time, not for the weak hearted though... hope you like it! Please do review. I'm sorry if there any any mistakes but I'm having beta problems.**

**CLEOME**

''Hi, I'm trying to get hold of Natsuki Kuga; she used to be a friend of mine.''

The voice was dipped in sarcasm and it belong to none other than my dear friend Mai Tokiha.

''Yeah, good morning.'' I replied back , giving extra effort to hold my cell phone in balance between my shoulder and neck. May hands were busy pouring my cup of coffee. I'm a multi tasker.

''Wait, I think I recognize that voice.''

Oh so you want to keep this game M?

''I've been meaning to call you Mai, really. I've just been...'' Sometimes trying to find the right word is impossible, and that is exactly why one has best friends.

''fucking your brains out?''

Oh yes, did I tell you Mai Tokiha is my best friend? She knows everything about me, there is abso-fucking-lutely no escape.

''Well, yeah, that's the least of it.'' I give out a sigh, I want to drink my coffee, not have a chat with my conscience.

''Okay, okay. Just tell me if it is true you'll be coming over to Tokyo?''

She has hope in her voice. I smile. But it is not one of those smiles where you reflect the excitement of uniting with your friends after 8 years. No. It's a sad smile where you finally understand running will not get you anywhere and it fucking dawns on you at 5 am that you would better spend your days with people who cherish you the most. It is going to be a hard task. But I live for shit that makes me on the edge.

''Yes Mai. I'll be there next week. It's been long and I can't wait to see how my quartet survived without me.''

''Yes!! I can't believe it! I mean when Shiz told me you were thinking of coming over I.. I just couldn't believe it! Yes! Just mail me you flight ne?''

''Hai hai.. I gotta go M. I'll see you soon?''

''Hell yes! Bye sexy!''

My name is Natsuki Kuga. Now, where is my cigarettes.

I love Zino Davidoff, I love the fact that he is openly trying to kill me and I dutifully submit my self to his neat little soldiers. I carefully select the white soldier, playing it over in my hand. I bring it over to my mouth. It is an intimate course of death don't you think so? I light it , and inhale the sweet aroma of nicotine.

I am not a lighter gal. I like matches. I find them more personal, more made for me. You see I think lighters are whores, so easily shared, and you don't really feel a loss when you forget it at some random café. But matches are a different story. That tiny box holds a limited quantity which automatically makes it special. You can't just share it around, you have to know your count. And the simple ritual of taking out one and hitting it hard on the surface of the box always made me tingle inside.

Let alone the smell of after burnt matches. I'm addicted to stupid stuff like that.

While I was giving you this unnecessary knowledge I finished my coffee.

Coffee. Now there is a subject I can talk for hours. Being me, the one and only original Natsuki Kuga who has to do everything oddly, my coffee choice is rather not normal as well. I do not like the taste of hot or warm coffee. I like it when it is bitter cold and stale. The secret coffee recipe of N. Kuga is to pour 20% hot water and 80% cold water to your coffee. Take a few sips while it is partially warm and then wait 15 minutes to taste the bitter cold aroma.

Ah, the bitter sweet little things that make up my life. From these two example informations you should partially get the idea of what kind of a woman I am. I try and fill my life with special details and search for them in every aspect. I like things that are single-served, that are bitter in taste and don't hold hope in them.

Nietchze once said hope is the root of all evil. And he is right. There is no point for someone like me to hold hope. They say I should, but they only say it because it's their job. Maybe I should change my job and make money by saying the harsh truth to people's face. I would definitely hire someone like that. No matter the price.

And soon I'll be in Tokyo. I look around my boxes, all neatly organized, all held parts of pessimistic present me in them. I should not ship them back to Tokyo. Perhaps I could make a bonfire tonight. Ah... I'm flying soon. Back to old memories, the old Natsuki which had the joy of life squirming from her every pore. I hope my friends did not change. I want a slice of old back.

****

Welcome to Tokyo. Welcome to the age of ''uninnocence''. The Tokyo dream is different than the American dream I've been living for the past 8 years. Here no one has 'breakfast at tiffany's'' or has 'affairs to remember'. Instead we have breakfast at 3 am and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible. Self protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has hung himself down from the ceilings of heaven approxiamately 10 years ago, the mourning only took three days, untill people realized they don't need love, they only need personal interest and sexual intercouse.

I already feel at home.

A little past eleven, I was dressed to the nines at Cardinal located on the corner of Right Now and Everyone Was There. It was the place to see and to be seen.

Did I tell you my friends are the cherry that tops the cream which tops the cake? Yes. We are the ones that take little to no place in the pie chart and yet rule the social circle of Tokyo. Impressed? You should be. After all fame and fortune are the divine comedy of our mortal lives.

We are currenty sitting at Cardinal and every face is upon us. Why? Because the infamous quartet is re-born and here to reclaim it's crown. After explaining fifty people that; 'yes, it's been long, and yes I'm back for good.' I'm enoying my straight whisky while two very dear face is examining my face rather intensely.

Mai and Nao. You've changed so much. When I left you were still girls and now you are both fascinatingly gorgeous two women. If only you weren't my best friends... God only knows what I would do to you. But then again God is never around at this time of the year.

''I always suspected you would grow out to be exceptional but never in my life would I have thought you'd be head to head with me on looks department Blue.''

That's Nao Yuuki. She grew up to be the speed dial on every model's and actress' phone in Tokyo. She is 'the' PR you're looking for, of course if you look anywhere close as a Greek Goddess.

''Thank you for the compliment Red. I live to make you unhappy. I'm glad my past efforts have beared fruit this day.'' We share a smirk which turns into a grin. We love to mess with each other's lives. ''So Mai, I hear you have a boyfriend?'' I ask.

''Oh God no Natsuki don't let her start!'' Nao's eyes do a 360, and I let a little chuckle in return.

''But he is so perfect!'' Mai exclaims. ''I can't wait for you to meet him Natsuki. He is everything I ever dreamed of! Just... just perfect!'' A little pink hue is formed, oh God she has it bad.

''Yea, even his dog is fucking picture perfect.'' Nao sarcastically adds. Which gets me thinking, there can only be two reasons why Nao would say something like that. One; the guy is fucking perfect, or two; the guy is fucking bias and Mai is too blind to see it.

''Well, I'll be the judge of that.'' I say proudly. It is something of the past and they both remember it and laugh. In the past no one could date Mai Tokiha unless they went through my blessing, and man is that one handful task to overcome. What can I say I like my Mai pure, or so I liked it that way. This past 8 years showed all four of us are whores in the game of love.

''Where the heck is that damn blond. I bet she is having hard time letting go of her pets. You won't believe what I went through because of her last week! Because of that damned woman the movie shooting was post-poned for ten days! Ten days we sat around and wait for her little vacation to end!''

Nao burst out of no where. She is talking about our missing piece; Shizuru. Shizuru Fujino the one and only tycoon in heels.

''You know Nao, I was dreading to tell you this but I've played a little part in that without knowing. You know how she over works herself, so I hinted it might be nice to take some time off and go somewhere... Gomen.''

Mai looks so much like the little kid she used to be right now. I chuckle.

''What! God Mai did you have to pick right that time! Well I don't give a shit where she goes, if anything I'll buy her fucking tickets just don't let her steal my lead actress from now on!''

Although Nao looks irritated we all know it's an act. And we all know she can scream in complaint till she hits menapouse, she is still in love with the object of her hatred.

Oh yes, sorry. You see Nao had always had a crush on Shizuru. A feeling that is so strong that she learnt to cooperate with it through bickering and complaint, just to keep our blond friend as our friend, and we as the quartet. I remember the one day when Nao broke down, and came over my apartment in the middle of the night or more like morning, crying her eyes out because she had seen Shizuru with her best client. From that day on Nao decided to play on the straight side, with Shiz being the only woman of her affection.

Shizuru is a modelizer you see. What is a modelizer? Well, modelizers are a particular breed. They are a class higher than womanizers who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt. But modelizers are not obssesed with women, oh no, they are obssesed with women who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines. But of course in Tokyo they actually run wild on streets turning the city into a virtual model country safari where people like Shizuru can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.

But I'll say this about my friend, Shiz is not the type to judge a character through looks, if anything Shiz is about brains and character, and much that this city might drown in beautiful bodies, it helds very few pearls with brains, and those pearls usually hide well inside shells. So my friend found the best solution; rather than knocking every door and try cracking those shells, she had decided she would spend her time with fake shiny pearls you can buy from any jewellry shop.

And I second that motion myself. When you have friends like these three who in the hell needs a fuck with brains.

''Ara, I'll make sure to steal my Nao as well next time, didn't know you felt that lonely...''

''Finally where the hell where...-''

I didn't hear the rest of Nao, nor heard Shizuru's teasing answer. It was a voice I had long to hear. Of course me and Shizuru never lost touch if anything we made sure to talk on the phone two-three times a week, her conversations had always left me fullfilled. But to actually hear it without the assistance of technology was something else.

I turned my head and rose from my seat with a smile on my face, that smile only held itself for a second. The moment I looked at her, a gasped internally. This was not the woman I had left behind, this woman standing in front of me with tilted head, smiling face and mischevious red blood eyes was a stranger to me. Yes, Shizuru Fujino was a beauty in her youth indeed, but she had transformed into something ephemeral while I was gone. In that momnet I was filled with anger, rage, and jealousy. How could I have gone away and miss spending 8 years away from my best friend! Who the hell was I kidding! God I'm an idiot at times.

''Hey Suki...'' she said in a low melodic voice, almost in a whisper. I use to hate it when she called me Suki, it made me feel unnecessarily girlish and I detested that feeling, but now it filled my heart with warmth. I still had my best friend, like I had before.

''Hey Shiz..'' I opened my arms and she slowly placed herself between them, her own circling my neck.

''I'm so glad you're back. I've missed my partner in crime.'' She breathed to my ear.

''I'm here now aren't I? You look beautiful by the way, almost didn't recognize you..'' I breathed back. She untangled herself from me with an overly dramatic face.

''Well it certainly was not easy keeping up the reputation of being 's best friend, I'm glad you approve of it.'' We chuckled and she took her place in between Nao and me.

To say I was happy would be an understatement. To say I was an idiot, would be even bigger one. What was trying to accomplish drowning myself in misery oceans away...

Just like that we were back to normal and started to enjoy our night, talk, drink and talk some more. What we talk about you ask? Well, there is only one thing we consistently talk about, and that is; sex.

To be more specific we were talking about a predicament Mai had. Last night after Kei (Mai's new boyfriend) took Mai to Philarmonic, they went back to his place and began the classic dating ritual... the blowjob tug of war.

''The truth is I hate it!'' Mai exclaimed while I had a burst of laughter, which may I add, had been non-existent in my life for quite some time. It felt weird to be laughing.

''Honey you can't be serious.'' Shiz said while taking a sip from her drink, but her smirk did not escape me.

''Hold on Mai..'' I stop to take a breather from my laughter. ''You mean to say, you never performed this act?'' Oh great I'm talking polite, this is something happens whenever I talk sex with Mai. It's like back to birds and the bees.

''She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.'' Shiz answered my question.

''I don't like putting it in my mouth alright! I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it makes me want to puke!'' she exclaimed in a low voice.

''That's one way to say no..'' Nao smiled.

''It's not like I haven't tried Nao... practiced on a banana. I pretended it was a popsicle but... I just don't like it.''

Oh poor banana that was actually a popsicle. And oh poor me who will forever hold the image.

''Personally I'm loving it up to the point when the guy wants me to swallow.'' Nao retorted. Oh yes the straight talk of Nao, I had missed that.

''Well, that's just really a judgement call.'' Shizuru smirked to Nao, and I noticed something between them but couldn't quite point out what it was. Well, it is my first day, I can't know everything right.

''Are you honestly telling me you like it Nao?'' Mai asked with curiosity.

''Oral sex is like a God's gift to women; you can get off without worrying about getting pregnant. Plus, the sense of power is such a turn on. Maybe you are on your knees but you've got him by the balls.'' Nao replied with her trademark smirk. Shiz chuckled when Nao finished her statement while making a grabbing action with her right hand in the air. I let out a little laugh as well. It's always about power balance with this girl.

''Oh well, forget it Mai, you do if you wanna do it. If the guy forces you though, don't forget to give a nice kick to those balls on your way out. I personally give head to get head, but that's someone talking from the girls only team.''

Oh yes, have I told you I swing that way? I prefer woman, don't ask me why it would take too long. Basically Shiz and me play in the same team, now why did I had to add Shiz to that. Whatever.

''I second that.'' The person in question approved of me with a nod and a raised glass, we all raised ours and cheered to the liberating and complicated act of blow job. In the end we decided it was pro-choice, you do if you wanna do.

But I'm pretty sure if Mai rejects giving blow job she will loose this guy, and I'm happy that she will, he seems like an ass. And since Mai is the last standing monogamist in Tokyo, I believe she deserves better. But that better is way too hard to find in this place. Monogamists don't live anymore, the definition of monogamy changed into having a relationship while having sex with others but not exchanging fluids or phone numbers. I wish to be a monogamist like that, but then again I got over 'hope' a long time ago and I shouldn't let my best friends back to making me believe in it.

''So Natsuki where are you staying?'' Nao asked me in between our chatting.

''Staying over at the Richmond till I find a good place, you know I'm a picker when it comes to real estate so it may take a while..'' I mumbled as I thought I should be contacting a few of them in the morning.

''Nonsense.'' Shizuru cut my train of thought. ''You're our best friend, you can't possibly live in a hotel that long, and before you start I know it's gonna take long Natsuki.'' She didn't let me talk. I love that dominant side of hers. ''You are living with me, it's way too big even with Nao.'' Nao nodded to that excitingly. Wait. Nao?

''Nao?'' I asked a little dumbfounded.

''Yeah, I live with Shiz for now, bought an awesome new flat but the previous owners had no appreciation for it. So I'm getting it renovated.''

''Yes. That is the formal excuse we give to the media. The truth is she can't keep herself away from me. You know the sadistic side of our little red riding hood.'' Shizuru teased back and that resulted in an exaggerated reaction from Nao who turned to the blond and raised her fist.

''One day Shiz, you will pay for all you teasings, so bad that you'll have to close yourself up at Mount Fuji and live in seclusion. I'm just waiting for the right I time!''

''Okay okay you two cool down.'' Mai chuckled at her best friends while I still sat dumbfounded.

So did Shizuru know about Nao's feelings? What had happened between them?! How come Shiz never told me about Nao or Nao about Shiz? What in the fucking hell! And since when it was Shiz, since when they dropped to nicknames! Where had the uneasy formality between them... go?

''Alright.'' I said in a rather harsh voice that I hope would go undetected. I'm pretty sure Nao and Mai didn't feel it but Shizuru's eyes said other wise, as they were now looking at me in question.

I let go of my jealousy, I wasn't in position to question my place in their lives, come to think of it what have I told them about my life in 8 years. Nothing. Did I even tell them the most crucial reason why I was back and why I needed them, and would need them even more with each passing month? No. So suck it up Kuga. You are the one who needs patching up to do. I calmed down.

''It might be a blast after all. I'll come over tomorrow if it's okay?'' I said in sweetest voice possible. I recieved a hell yes from Nao who didn't even wait for Shizuru's answer, but of course Shizuru smiled warmly as well. It was Mai who pouted.

''Mou, you guys always have the most fun.''

We ended the night over there since they all had work tomorrow. Me? Oh well, I'm a shark. If you ask what a shark is, it is an entrepreneur who buys off company's in need, divides them in pieces and sells those pieces. What you need to become a shark? It is what you don't need; a heart. I simply make huge amount of money from people who scream for a rescuing hand in bussiness, but rather than to give them a hand I shred them into pieces. I don't need a heart, it is going to fail me soon anyways, so I decided to fail it sooner. The only ones who willl ever see the remaining struggling pieces of my heart is that three people and none other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so this was already on my computer and I decided to share it early. Some of you asked if there would be an epilogue to Bittersweet and guess what yes! It will be on soon. hope you enjoy and please do review! ^^**

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''Please Shiz, soul mates only exist in the hallmark aisle. You of all people should be on my side about this.. Oh you got us drinks?'' I looked up at the smiling blond imp who gave me a wink in return.

''Just felt like your little comedy routine should have a two-drink minimum Suki that's all.'' She loves to tease, had I told you that? Do I even have to tell you that?

Four days after my arrival, and only after hours ı had moved into Shizuru's, we were sitting at a lush bistro, just the two of us. Don't get me wrong when you're single there's one thing you should always take with you when you go out on a Saturday... your friends. But, that being said I have to confess, I love it when it's just the two of us. Quartet is a more fun side of my life, I mean it's full of teases and games between the four of us, but when it's just me and Shizuru it becomes something more personal and even if she teases me like in every two words I still know she gets me on a deeper level.

''Jokes aside I share your displeasure Natsuki. To take the matters further, have you noticed the 'Don't let your soul mate slip away' mentality that seems to be spreading like disease among woman lately?'' she has a thinking pose, I love that pose. When we were back at the university she thought that pose always made her look mature, I on the other hand believe it looks absolutely ridiculous, she is my little parody of Yoda.

''Oh I know it's almost a threat! Like we have 'em, she's just waiting for you but hurry 'cause she's slipping, slipping away Oops there she goes! Gone!'' ı make a flying gesture with my hand and Shizuru chuckles in return, I take a sip and continue, '' And if you don't find her, what!, You're incomplete? Damn people!''

She chuckles even more before putting on a half serious face, she looks so beautiful right now, different kind of beautiful though, not like the oozing sex machine from the previous night but more like how she used to be. You see my little tycoon over here is a perfection at first glance, for an outsider your impression would be that the first thing this woman does when she wakes up is to put her make up and heels on. And with that my friends you couldn't be any wrong.

The legend of Shizuru Fujino starts with the fact that she very rarely puts on make-up, no, not because she has allergy to any brand foundation but because she simply doesn't need so. She was blessed at the gene pool, skin complexion department to be exact, and however may she be spending 18 hours of her daily life in her classical Louboutin and her Chanel dress, that is only the code she must follow for her industry image purposes. The biggest secret that is known to few is that… Shizuru Fujino is a little fashion punk at heart.

And right now that punk is sitting across me with her legs crossed, wrapped in ink dropped jeans with a large white Alexander Mcqueen shirt with a skull embed on it. Did I mention the sexy little spikes on her heels? A definite turn on. But of course her red eyes surrounded with black eyeliner is hidden deep behind those gigantic sunglasses of hers. A definite turn off and I plan to comment on that in a minute. But before she or I decide to speak again I have to add a little bit of information. You may think this is not a secret known by few if she walks around the city dressed like that, and you would be wrong again. Because now we come to the unexplained phenomena that comes right after the Bermuda Triangle. The fact that no one ever recognizes Shizuru when dressed as she is right now. I, myself don't know the cause of it but neither do I complain. I guess since people have such an faithful image of her that they don't give a second glance to the woman passing them by is the most eligible woman walking in heels.

''Right first of all, take those glasses of. Secondly, the idea that there's only one out there… oh for fucks sake, I mean, why don't I just shoot myself right now? I'd like to think that people have more than one soulmate.'' I continue as I take sip from my drink. It's strong and bitter. Yes, she knows me well.

''Ara, I myself have hundreds.'' She jokes and I smile at it. She takes her sunglasses and places it over her head. She has a messy ponytail, and now the image is complete.

''True, I heard you have one at every continent now Shizuru.'' I tease. I will take whatever opening she gives me. I took an oath for that a looong time ago.

''Same goes for you Na-tsu-ki, there were times I would hear of your life in America not from your mouth but from others'. And may I say it makes a very interesting after sex subject, something I usually don't dwell on…'' And with that, once again, she has the upper hand in tease kingdom. Did I tell you she also annoys me?

''You mean to say I was your chit chat in between sex?! Dammit Shiz!'' I burst out, because I usually don't stop and think to manage my vocal cords, they work on intuition.

''Indeed that would be the summary of it.'' When seeing my expression of shock she chuckles lightly. ''Aah, Natsuki do never change will you..''

I have changed Shizuru, more than you can ever imagine, but I guess I'm changing back. Will you still be able to say this in the near future though, that I wonder by heart.

''Where was Nao last night by the way?'' I try and change the topic away from sex.

''Busy, I would presume..''

''Busy with what?''

''Do you really have to ask Natsuki?''

Oh right. On Friday nights most people would go out for movies, we are not most people though. We get laid. So much for shifting the topic.

''How is life between you two?'' I finally ask the delicate question I wanted answers to. ''I mean I'm about to find out soon, but you know living together and all.'' I search her face for answers as her eyes run away from me and focus on the table behind me instead.

''It has been pretty interesting to say the least. Ara, actually it has been amazing. But I do think she has a bad influence on me.'' She replied while biting her bottom lip. I was even more curios now.

''Bad influence how?'' I raised a brow but also busied my lips with my drink, try to make it seem like I wasn't pressing on the subject.

''You see Natsuki that's half of why I wanted to have drinks with you. Since Nao has been living with me, which is about 6 months to be precise, my life has turned into a bit of a chaos.'' She took another sip while I motioned her to continue. She smiled and kept going.

''I know, I literally forced you to move over but I think I should warn you a little, and if you change your mind that's perfectly fine and I understand.''

What the hell was Shizuru babbling about? Quit playing around it dammit.

''Shiz, get to the point will you.''

''Ara, yes, certainly. Well I know you are a party animal as well Natsuki but we are like… the next evolution of that kind. Since I was so stressed at work Nao would do things to cheer me up and it appears now we hold the most outrageous parties almost three days a week…''

Wait does Shizuru know who I am? I'm certainly no puritan, if anything I'm the worse of the worst so why should it by any chance change my opinion in any matter… unless there are some kinky stuff going on behind the curtains. Tell me the truth Shizuru what has been going on behind those walls of yours.

''Let me guess, if I know Nao, you're now part of the sex, drugs, and orgy cult of hers right?'' She looks down on the floor and I sigh, who am I to judge how one can speed-end her life right? It all ends one way or another.

''That would be the essence of our relationship, yes.''

''And that fulfills you?''

''Rather than to fulfill, I would chose a word along the lines of… .. forget.. or ease… it comes as a hard job to stop workings of my brain lately, with all the work and the stress. I know I am no saint and have been sleeping around having my own fun but something was missing. And along came Nao and her games before I know it, I found out that it actually takes my mind off of things..''

''Are you two sleeping together?'' And so my question came out of nowhere. I just had to ask that didn't I?! But I couldn't contain my need to know the answer. She was mildly shocked.

''No.'' It was a short and curt reply, which took me little aback. She realized this and put a softer face for me to see.

''I am no fool Natsuki, I tease, I play but I perfectly know the dangers of crossing that line. I know how she feels towards me and I know I can never give it to her, but crossing that line would blur her perception of our relationship. I would never do that.''

''I see Shiz… Sorry to bring it up.'' I moved uncomfortably, though however uncomfortable from the outside I might seem, I was that much content on the inside. Why you ask? I have no fucking idea.

''Ara.. Whatever do you apologize for.'' She chuckled and I smiled in return. It was time to change the air of our evening, and so I did.

''I guess I'm housing myself with sex-a-holics, don't forget to remind me to bring my toys.''

Yes! The perfect tease! I guess this is how one feels when they reach the Nirvana! She blushed! Damn Kuga you're good when you're good. Ha! Except maybe your last line, it sounded lame, good when you're good? Give me a break.

A wise man once said, every rise shall have its fall.

''Ara Natsuki needn't so. We have everything available to her delicacy, but surely I can't wait to learn from such an enthusiastic sensei…''

Damn that man, and Damn Shizuru Fujino who mastered her skills under the great tactician Sun Tzu.

''Congratulations Shizuru. I heard they're finally giving out medals for evil. I'm sure you'll receive your in the mail sometime soon.'' White flag, I surrender to this woman.

''Why thank you Natsuki, I'll make sure to mention your name in my address of thanks.''

She gives the sweetest smile she could ever give, that wolf in a sheep's skin.

****

It was late in the afternoon and all four of us was dressed to spend dinner and drinks together… and after that to officially welcome me, we would go to an all exclusive party held by one of Nao's client.

So here we were at some fancy bistro talking and drinking. And of course we were talking about the most obvious thing, the one thing that is right in the center of our bodies, and of course center of the world, yet the one thing normal people do not talk about; vaginas. Which I like to call V-wave. Clever don't you think? I think so.

Let's first start with the word Vagina. Vagina.

Vagina, vagina, vagina!

''It doesn't matter how many times you say the word blue, it never sounds like a word you want to say.'' Nao shrugged while emailing one of her clients from her phone. She's a multi-tasker as well, maybe even a better one than me.

''I agree with Nao on this one, it is weird, totally unsexy word.'' Well of course Mai everything seems impure and sinful to you, until you get drunk, than I'm sure you'll either be serenading vagina or penis. I am not so sure. When drunk she can become very unpredictable.

''Don't give me the look Natsuki, yes we all know you like the V-word but like if you use it during sex, trying to be politically correct, you kill the act right there!'' Mai exclaimed with a reddish tone. Somebody bring this girl some strong shots! She is way too Victorian for my taste tonight.

''I beg to differ Mai-chan. It can be provocatively arousing…'' Those red eyes glowed in mischief while I grinned.

And here is Shizuru Fujino, the devil to save the day, my partner in crime.

''I guess I don't like the name Shizuru-chan..'' whats with the chans floating around between these two. Before Mai continues Nao understands my expression and smiles while mouting; 'they think it's cute.' Oh god no.

''…I would be much more comfortable if it was some other name.'' Mai continues while I laugh at it.

''Well, they call it a pussycat in great neck New York, like it better?'' I ask.

''Now that's something I find myself using and liking.'' Nao says with a sly smile.

''Ara, I wonder where in the world in your daily life you feel the need to use such a word Nao.'' Shizuru once again corners her prey, but unlike her previous prey, which was I, this one won't go down as easily.

''Only when I'm around with the likes of you Shizuru.'' Touche. Have these been practicing while I was gone away loosing my touch?

''My mother use to call it pookie.'' Mai informs us of her childhood and we all have a blast laughing and decide on the list of nicknames.

''Now that's a real pet name there Mai. Well, there is twat and among the most bizarre I've heard are pookie, poochi, piche, toadie…umm..''

''Cooter and coochie snorcher.'' Nao finishes for me.

''There is also powder box.'' Shizuru adds playfully.

''Now that one could only be heard from the a lady such as yourself Shiz.'' Nao retorts sarcastically with a grin and we have our laugh.

We down our drinks while keeping up our conversation. What comes next after vagina? Hair. And no, not in the way you think so. Didn't I tell you it's all about sex with us?

It turned out Mai's new boyfriend, have I told you I dislike him already? Oh I did. Good. Well, it turns out Kei was not pleased with Mai's pubic hair treatment and decided to take the matter at his own hands. That being they had spent last night shaving Mai clean. What in the fucks of world!

''Damn Mai, I mean I can understand if he wants it Brazilian but to shave it himself?! There is a major Oedipus trauma going on with that guy. That's just sick!'' I had to declare, and it seemed the other two agreed with me.

''Mai, I thought I was the crack-head-magnet, but baby you've succeed to out do me. Congratz with this weirdo.'' Nao shrugged.

''Don't say that! Plus I couldn't just say hey sit around and watch tv for couple of hours while I go and get a wax quickie!'' Mai tried to reason, but to deaf ears.

''I like to go Brazilian from time to time… what about you blue?'' Nao asked in curiosity. Oh great she wants to know my pubic interests.

''It's the lawn around the house.'' I stated which had them all laughing.

''Ara, I don't think Natsuki could choose a better metaphor, although I would have preferred something more sweet rather than a concrete building.''

Yeah well that's me for you Shizuru.

''Oh my, excuse me ladies will you? I'll be right back.''

Shizuru raised from her chair and I can see her eyes were set on a target, I followed her line of sight and it stopped at another blond woman whom… I recognized?!

''Hey guys is that who I think that is?'' I asked my friends sitting across me, they turned and all had a knowing face.

''Oh fuck.'' Nao said while brushing off the wrinkles in her dress and standing up as well.

''Yeah Natsuki, umm Haruka became a major model while you were gone all thanks to Nao who found a way to make her shut up in front of the cameras so her image would not shatter to pieces. It turned out all Haruka needed to climb the steps of fame were to… simply shut up. And well, since modeling does not require any talking in the job description she is now the eye candy of Tokyo and..'' Mai informed of the missing pieces.

''And what?'' I asked curiously.

''And Shizuru's fuck buddy.''

Talk about missing the headlines. I should have read those magazine sections and spent less time on sports page. I was confused. First there was Nao and now we had Haruka? Okay so nothing had been going on between Nao and Shizuru but still they were having sex under the same roof albeit with different people- and one of that different people was Haruka Suzushiro?! What was happening to this world? !

I looked back to see the three of them chatting rather happily, and took this time to think back into the past. How was the Haruka I remembered? Well… I'll be damned! All I remember of Haruka is set of boobs, long blond hair and a loud voice. A good recipe for a fuck indeed. Even so I feel uncomfortable knowing that Shizuru is fucking with a classmate, whatever difference in the fucks that makes. Would it not bother me if it were a random stranger? I don't know, there is no reason for me to. She is my best friend! Yes. Problem solved.

Now, all three were walking towards us, and indeed Haruka walked elegantly, like a giraffe on African savannah. We exchanged pleasantries, and much to my surprise that loud noise was replaced with a softer one. It still held its power for some unknown reason to me.

''I hope I am not interrupting your talk. Shizuru earlier said she would be around so I decided to invite myself.'' Haruka said while signaling the waiter.

There were so many things wrong with that sentence; I don't know how to answer back. But Mai does the job for me.

''No of course Haruka, we'd be delighted to have you. We were just talking about what to eat actually, care to join?'' I copied Mai and smiled to Haruka.

We were just talking about what to eat? Indeed Haruka, the appetizers being ruby red grapefruit and hazel nut side served with perky white breasts and for the main course we have sabayon of pearl tapioca with island creek oysters and vagina.

Bon-a-fucking-petite!.


	3. Chapter 3

Oh my another chapter! And a rather long one. I guess I enjoy writing this one the most. Please do review ne? ^^

* * *

**CLEOME -3 **

Sleep. The death of each day's life. Balm of hurt minds and great Nature's second course, chief nourisher in life's feast.

Shakespeare once babbled something among those lines, and had he known me, he would know what a blessing it is to be surrounded by sleep at the end of each day. When I think back to my peaceful past, I realize that there is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all alcohol ever distilled, all drug ever consumed, and all the sex ever sweated over.

Okay, may be not aall the sex, but you get the point.

You see, I, Natsuki Kuga can no longer feel the warm embrace of the simple act of sleeping. Even if it was after the most annoying dinner of my life, spent hearing Haruka Suzushiro's accomplishments on the cat walk and, astonishingly, finding Shizuru and Nao praising her along her talk.

I thought it was the longest two hours of my life until I heard she would be joining us at the club as well. I do not wish to dwell on the details, it was a night that involved a lot of grinding, touching and literally having my best friends having sex out in the night-lights. What did I do? I just grabbed the closest woman beside me, held it tightly on my lap and kept my eyes, lips and hands busy.

We were back from the club rather early since I presume Nao and Shizuru were already wet half way on the cab. Therefore, 4 hours later, at six am, here I was sitting in my new room and sipping my god knows what-th whisky. I look around the neatly decorated room and can't help but think it was made for me. I don't know maybe it's wishful thinking but it's as though Shizuru kept this room for me to come back and live in it like we used to in a certain slice of our lives.

You might wonder the 'we used to part' and I guess I might need to clarify on that, but it takes so much of what I've become right now that I'm scared. This might be the only time you may find me scared to my bones. It is not a story for the weak hearted and mind. But the nice chilling air coming from my windows, and ash try fulfilled with many cigs and an empty bottle makes the perfect setting for such a story and I believe it is time I let you in on some things. If I don't, my future actions may create a ''what the fuck is that idiot thinking?!'' mentality and I do not wish that.

Before I continue, you have to know and probably will realize that everything you saw through these past weeks of me and my friends, that is just the tip of the iceberg. So many things have happened, and maybe after tonight you might realize the under story of everything that will take place from now on.

This story involves three girls, two broken hearts, two shattered souls, and a single dead corpse. The recipe for catastrophe? Got your interest didn't I? One's misery is always other's hilarity after all. Heh, I must be drunk if I'm cracking sarcastic jokes on my unfortunate fate.

***

It was my freshmen year in college, and I was already the star of the campus. I am pretty sure you can imagine what a gal I used to be, now please triple that image of yours and maybe you can get close to it.

I've been friends with Mai since childhood since she was literally the girl next door, and Nao.. ..well she won my heart with her cute arrogant ways during my high school days, and by the end of our childhood and beginning of our adult life we made promise to go to the same University. And we did.

I was roomed with Nao, much to my displeasure because I had spent my entire summer dreaming how easy life would be with Mai voluntarily cooking, cleaning and ironing for me. God, even now that seems like a great motion to consider. Anyways, I remember clearly the specific two hours Nao had taken from her morning to laugh her ass out when I learned the news that Mai would be rooming with a girl named Mikoto, and I, the goddess of misfortune would be rooming with one and only Nao Yuuki.

After some time life was good, blessed even. It was the climax of my coming out of the closet days and it seemed girls have been eagerly waiting for that era to throw themselves at me. No cockiness added in this story. Nothing but the simple truth. Hah..

My mouth was upon the richest tongues, carefully nourishing every different taste. I was the star of the soccer team, I had my friends with me and yet I couldn't help but feel as if something was missing. Mai and Nao meant everything to me but I couldn't help and feel there was something, someone for me out there... I couldn't escape the need of having someone that would understand me fully and live in a way no bohemian ever dreamed. And I still curse to that little intuition in me. In the end, I had become the architect of my own demise.

That something missing came not in one, but two. They were both covered with flesh, one is still warm, but the other has been cold for a long time.

It was during one sunny Friday, all of us trying our best to overtire the rapturous spring of our youth that seemed to be pouring from every pore.

Mine literally.

I was running across the green field and had just scored a goal that would bring us the victory. All of my teammates jumped on me and I turned over to the benches and gave an over dramatic bow and received a loud reaction in return. All the school was there, watching my sweet ass running and my foot kicking the other teams ass. Once again, literally. I never said I play nice.

The ref signaled the end of the game and in moments I was surrounded with people. Some raised me over their heads, some gave congratulatory hit on the back, Mai and Nao jumped on me.

But one, did something I never forgot and changed the history of Natsuki Kuga.

I never saw that one coming. Everybody had scattered, and I was about to leave for shower, there would be the fall semester welcoming party and I needed some major time spent tending to my hair. I was walking out of the field towards our lockers when that somebody patted me from behind.

I turned to see the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. Oh, wait now they were two. I hadn't realized the second one standing a little behind with the mischievous grin. And when I looked close, I remembered those blood red eyes. They were owned by the girl I had spent all past week glancing up, to her ass I confess, whenever it moved somewhere along my eye sight.

I let the red go and looked back to the sapphire blue ones in front of me with a quizzical look, surely I wouldn't mind being late if it involved praising from such a beauty. Who knows what leads where, they would congratulate me now, and that would allow an introduction chat at the party and by the end of the party we would be making out. I loved the way my brain worked.

What I hadn't expected though, was that she, never follows the social rules of conduct.

It would be two seconds before I felt two lush lips crushing on me.

Six seconds before I said what the hell and kissed back feverously.

Thirty seconds before her lips would leave mine much to my disappointment.

Five seconds before the other girl started chuckling at her friend's antics.

Only three seconds before sapphire eyes looked at me with swollen lips, gave me her name, a wink, and a warning that I better come and find her at the party.

Then she turned around and walked back elegantly as if she hadn't just fucked my mind with only a kiss. Her friend looked over to me and gave a wink as well, and then they put some distance between them and me.

Then I remember seeing them running up the hill.

The most beautiful image I had ever seen.

But what I remember the most is that it would take me precisely ten seconds before it dawned on me that I had fallen in love.

I still remember ever second of that kiss. The taste of those lips, and the arms that had sneaked their way around my neck. The delicate yet strong hold from my hairs, so that I wouldn't escape...

Huh.

Don't worry baby face, still this day, I find myself not able to...

That night, at the campus party, I learnt they were 'the double trouble'. They were only a year older than me, but already had the whole school in their palms -and surrounding schools as well. And of course one can easily spot the likes of you, and apparently the whole school was talking how they had chosen me, already gossiping about the future triple trouble.

I use to make stupid stuff about their campus nickname.

**

''Double trouble? When I first heard it, oh how naive and innocent I used to be may I add, I thought you sounded like Marvel comic characters.'' I placed an over dramatic pose while emphasizing the naivety I used to hold.

They both splash water at me. We are in the tub. The three of us. Our little ritual.

''That is because your brain works in the terminology of video games. I can't imagine the uproar had famous Kuga's favorite past time activity be learnt by public. Everybody thinks we have steamy sex, if only they knew I had to ''wait'' for you to finish up a level before even touching me.''

''Hey now, we do have steamy sex afterwards… And this exactly is why I found out the meaning of double trouble!'' I exclaim in the end of my sentence, a pitch high.

They both look at me with interest.

''Pardon me?''

''Ara, pray tell Natsuki Child, what it is exactly you're talking about?'' she mocks.

It is wrong, and in so many ways, to picture Shizuru as a nun. Especially if she is staring at you half naked covered with bubbles. Dangerous I say.

''It dawned on me last night when Shiz came.'' I start my explanation but only to be cut short. They both start laughing.

Yes, yes they are right to laugh. It can't really be called Shizuru coming, it's more like coming in, or to be precisely correct barging in while she and I were close to reaching orgasm.

You may be surprised that I'm not giving any reaction, or a furious comment, or a blush at the least. And that is because Shizuru has been doing that for the past five months. The first time she barged in, I wished to die and cursed on my chances that Shizuru had picked right that moment to walk in. The second time I cursed again. But the third time I was suspicious.

And I was only an idiot not to be suspicious on the first time.

Shizuru later had explained that she was addicted to the sounds I make, and could not stop listening which eventually created an urging need of seeing my flustered sex face and so she simply waited for the perfect time to walk in.

They both seemed unfazed by it. I'm pretty sure she even anticipated the moment of getting caught to Shizuru, their level of friendship required way too many games and this had been one of them.

And after five months I had learned to just turn my face and throw a pillow on to Shizuru's face while try and reach my orgasm, and the culprit would then just laugh and leave the room. Or she would just cut our sex short and come lie down with us on the bed.

Back to the story-ies. I apologize. When ever I reminiscence of the past, I start to remember more and more things. Can't control it. But I'm sure you'll put the pieces together anyways.

''One of these days I'll make sure you don't have to barge in Shizuru.'' I evilly beam at her but to no avail.

''Ara ara, finally you got the cue. I've been waiting for an invitation ever since.'' She replied sneakily.

''It was one time invitation only S. Don't let your hopes up. Now be a doll and reach for the conditioner for me please?'' My girlfriend said while her fingers played through her bleach blond hair.

''See this is it. T. Double T. Ts. When pronounced, it makes ''tease.'' That's what you both are. A constant tease in my life!'' I say with a deadpan face while they chuckle and Shizuru puts some conditioner on my hair as well.

''Oh this is even better that your C-3P0 theory!'' she laughs and Shizuru follows.

''But I'm right on that one too! The world should know the truth about C-3P0.'' I exclaim.

''Natsuki, C-3P0 is not gay, he is just…'' Shizuru try to find the right word to complete her sentence.

''British. Just British love.'' She ends it for Shizuru while splashing some more water towards me.

''Oh, R2, come back here. My circuits burn for you.'' I do a perfect imitation and they break into fits of laughter. I smile back at them.

''Really you should get another hobby besides outing Star Wars robots.'' She says, ''like many recreational hobbies come to my mind at the moment…''

''And I bet, I'm naked in every one them.'' I shrug.

''No aactually you have clothes on in some of them.'' She is on her thinking pose, looking directly at me.

''Oh, how so?'' I would be shocked if something decent comes out of this.

''For fantasy purposes love…'' She licks her lips. Dammit.

I knew it!

''See told you! Tease tease tease!'' I whine while putting a fake mask.

''I'm glad we come as an enlightment to your life Na-tsu-ki. And I'm sorry you think of us that way..''

''Sarcasm noted, and quickly dismissed.'' I say, still holding on to my unfazed face.

Shizuru playfully nudges me and reaches up to take the wine glass off the cold floor to her lips.

She wants a sip of that wine; I know exactly what those sapphire blue eyes convey. Every single desire is there. And I know her well enough to presume she won't be waiting for Shizuru to hand over the glass.

The moment Shizuru's lips separate from the glass they are met with hers. She sucks every remaining drop from every taste bud Shizuru's mouth holds. When they separate Shizuru tells her to be civilized with a playful tone. She just shrugs.

Tease. They were always a tease.

*****

I should have never gone to that party. I should have had a fever or be chained to bed rest for any reason. I shouldn't have drink a bottle of whisky with Mai and Nao prior to the evening, and surely I should not let their drunk asses talk me into dressing extra sexy.

I shouldn't have anticipated what the night would hold. I shouldn't have burned with the desire to get to know those two gorgeous women.

She had told me to find her at the party. Certainly it required no need, for there she was, on the campus stage, mind fucking everybody to dance crazily. She was the lead singer of her campus band, which I later learned was famous even among the whole city.

I stood there, my mouth agape, among the sea of people.

And there she was with black leather pants and a white wife-beater that was ripped in pieces to proudly showcase her black bra. Her blond hair was up in a ponytail but it wasn't her amazing statuesque body, it was her face that haunts me even this day.

She had the face of an angel, but not like the childish innocent ones in Michelangelo Buonarotti paintings. No. It was made of sharp lines that created the most softening look when hit by any light. She looked so energetic and alive, burning you with a need to touch her or be near by her for the rest of your life.

I was a fool back then, I had never experienced sorrow or pain, so I did not know how misery could hide itself in perfect lines of a face.

She shined her blue headlights, straight into my emerald ones.

And, I, Natsuki Kuga, with one fluid gesture had become a road kill.

''My, my...'' she spoke through the microphone. ''Now, I won't even question if you enjoyed tonight or not because I can clearly see it on your stupid grins. And if you excuse me, I would like to join in the fun as well. Give it up for the suckers who have the misfortune to stage after me and please... no throwing tomatoes at them. We are college students, used condoms serve the purpose much better. Good night and thank you! I, Alyssa Searrs, humbly take my leave... I'm out of here!''

And she threw the mic to the left, and her body among to the sea of people. One would think it was a rock concert rather than a campus party.

Alyssa Searrs. A name I shall never free myself of.

And Shizuru Fujino. The second deity I can never let go, precisely because I can never free myself from the first one.

While watching Alyssa I had drifted away from my friends and right when I was about to move two arms sneaked behind me and circled my neck.

''Hello Natsuki, you are late.''

I cranked my neck a little to the back to see a set of crimson orbs looking back at me. This was the first time we were talking but she knew my name and I had learnt hers. Her arms were warm and soft but failed greatly to the suppressive effect her voice and breath had created.

''You know what they say, you should be the last one arriving and the first one to leave, of course with a gorgeous reason beside you.''

I thought I could be the usual playboy me. It had worked for the past somewhat years in my life, but of course that was before I met them.

''Ara, here she is. Well I guess you won't be enjoying the party for much long after all Natsuki.''

I could sense her smirk and hear the teasing undertone in her words as Alyssa walked her way towards us. She wore a grin on her face when she saw Shizuru attached to me, she took her sweet time, after all I was already trapped.

Shizuru never left her hold on me, and Alyssa was now in front of me, but before talking she reached for the closest guy and stole his whisky while taking it in one shot.

''Ahh.. That felt soo good.'' If I reincarnate I wish to become a bottle of whisky.

''Keep it up, Alyssa. You're this far from pay-per-view.''

Shizuru muffled through my shirt. She had laid her head over my shoulder and her lips were pressed against the delicate fabric of my shirt. Her hold had shifted into a more eased one.

''Well then you should count yourself lucky since you see everything free of charge...'' she retorted back and they gave out a little chuckle while I just stood there trying to look cool. Was this for real?

We left the party since Alyssa found it way too lame and decided to go up to their dormitory roof. It would soon become our regular spot for drinking, getting high and spending quality time together. On our way to the roof, Shizuru took a detour and sneaked in to a random room, coming out with stolen goods and a smirk. She held a red blanket, which we covered ourselves with, a bottle of whisky and a pair of lingerie?

''Try to imagine.'' Alyssa said, and I had a hard time understanding exactly what I should imagine. We were sitting on the roof, Shizuru on my left and Alyssa on my right. Alyssa moved my arms behind her back, positioning her body to fit my side perfectly while Shizuru's head rested on my left shoulder.

''Imagine what?''

''Ara, what kind of girl she is of course!'' Shizuru giggled.

''This is your test Natsuki. You have to give a detailed description of what this hypothetical girl is like..'' Alyssa said as she closed her eyes and breathed the chilly air.

Now, I got you. I only look at the lingerie for a second. This is piece of cake.

''She is a nerd, doesn't have a boyfriend, it's her final year here, majoring in Social Arts, and her thesis topic will be something along the lines of Woman Rights or feminism.'' I declare with cockiness and they both raise themselves up and look at me with surprise.

''How the hell do you know that?!''

''Did you know the girl in that room?'' They both ask me and I enjoy being superior. So much for your acceptance test girls. I majored in the history of lingerie, give me a break.

I grin and take the lingerie from the ground and show it to them. This lingerie has some serious identity crisis, its color is somewhere bordering brown and yellow and it has some exceptionally ugly patterns on them, I don't even know how to describe that shape to you.

It's one of those 'Oh look it's a dog! Oh look it's a plane! Oh no it's superman!' -case.

''Nope don't know her, never met her. Simple deduction of evidence is all you need. First of all we all grew up with mothers telling us to make sure we always wear clean and decent underwear in case you get run over.'' I start to see a smile forming on their lips as they look at each other and then back at me who is smirking in return.

''For someone to to have possession of such a distasteful panty like this one, 1- she definitely doesn't and haven't in a long time, involved in a romantic relationship. And how she cooperates with this is by simply stating she doesn't need a man in her life, that woman by nature is powerful and holds a higher hierarchy than men. You can probably find the exact lines in her thesis statement.'' Now they are open mouth laughing as I continue my lecture.

''And the final evidence would be that this lingerie is a failed attempt by Hale's, which is where my grandma likes to shop. It's the worst piece of their collection three years ago, therefore it makes her a senior in this school.'' I finish and they clap and jump on me playfully. I laugh with them. Everything seems so care-free. I only know them for couple hours but I already let them touch me and make me talk about nonsense. And I want them to.

''Ara, I'm even more curious to know how Natsuki knows what collection this belongs to.''

''I don't think I want to know Shizuru.'' Alyssa replies as she lights up a joint and offers us some.

I take a hit before passing it over to Shizuru.

We expertly levitate higher and higher.

''I'm a lingerie addict.''

I give my secrets away so early in our relationship. But I could care less. I want them to know me, everything about me.

''Welcome Natsukii. You're among fellow comrades, rest assured.'' Alyssa says in a serious tone but far away from it.

We talked some more and learned about each other. They had become friends in their freshmen year when roomed together by coincidence and they call it fate, since from then on they were addicted to each other. We climbed down from the roof and barged into a dorm room that held a crazy after party. We danced, drank and smoked away to our newfound friendship, which turned into relationship when Alyssa straddled me and claimed me her property. Who was I to refuse her demands?

She loved to straddle me. And the way she used to do it still makes heart race. Later on I would realize Alyssa had two approaches to straddling me. She either would climb slowly and sexually agonizing, making sure her thighs brush every patch of my sides, first raising herself above me with a strong hold from my neck, making my face in line with her belly, which would then give me a chance to kiss her perfectly toned, smooth abs before her lips..

Or she would literally jump on me always hitting the bull's eye in stimulating my core with hers in a rough clash. The same roughness would be evident in her hold and I would know perfectly well if she wants it rough or slow and sexual that night. Usually she likes it rough and when she does it's pity to one's soul let me tell you. She tires you until you want to lock yourself in a convent and forbid yourself from the delights of this material world.

It was always a new experience with her.

''I want all of you, right now.'' She whispered slowly to my ear.

''Has your baiting for the last hour finished already? I expected you to hold on some more.'' I whisper back.

'' Okay okay we get the point. You're funny and cocky. Now are you going to fuck me or fuck me?'' she replied with a smirk while taking my lower lip in between her teeth.

I would soon find myself surrounded with black bed sheets that created a beautiful contrast with pearly white skin. I remember rushing out of the party as she grabbed my hand with one and Shizuru's with the other.

Shizuru decided she wanted a piggy ride and jumped behind me, so we walked in a slower pace while Alyssa kept my lips busy. We laughed at some drunken guys and Shizuru dared some to pee on the sculpture that stood regally on the garden. And of course since a dare from Shizuru Fujino was everything they could ever dream of, all six dropped their pants right that second to please her and started a group pee. They would be expelled from the campus for two weeks after that, but they couldn't care less, they had a great story involving the hottest girls in campus, and they couldn't wait to tell everyone.

We reached their room and by now I was high from many things; the alcohol, the drugs, and the two eccentric girls who had entered my life played a great role. All three of us threw our bodies to bed while still laughing to the unforgettable image of the pee party. Shizuru raised herself to a sitting position next to me and so did I. She was about to excuse herself out when Alyssa cut her.

''Hold your place Shiz.'' Both of us froze at the given order and looked at Alyssa with raised brows. She raised herself as well, and crawled towards us on her knees. One of her knee was in-between my legs while the other stood between Shizuru's.

Didn't I say she likes to straddle, and this, friends, was the sexiest double straddle one could live to see.

Her arms reached for both of our necks and her gaze split between Shizuru and me.

''I want both you.'' That girl wanted many things, and it was always hard to say no, not that I had any problem with the suggestion but Shizuru averted her eyes, her head turning towards the wall. She kept her silence. Alyssa raised her chin and forced her to look at her. ''I dare you to stay in this bed, with us tonight Shiz.''

Back then I had no knowledge of their little dare game, but as time showed it was something sanctuary between the two of them. No matter what the mission, if one dared the other, it became an obligation to follow through.

''Don't ever forget that you dared me Aly. Don't dare forget.'' Shizuru said with a serious tone and I had no idea about the meaning of those words. Even when I think back on it now, I can't make much meaning of it, surely Shizuru didn't mind having sex with Alyssa because their friendship, however corrupt in games, was concrete, so what made her nervous, escapes me.

''Hai, hai..'' she softly said and caught Shizuru's lips with her own in a slow and passionate kiss. I stood there in admiration watching the kiss until I felt Shizuru's hand get a hold of my shirt and wrinkle it in force, pulling towards them. Alyssa separated herself from Shizuru, and Shizuru spent no time in turning to repeat the same action done, to me. It was our first kiss and I remember loosing myself in it as her tongue explored inside of my mouth, as if to create a mental map. I kissed back with force, while Alyssa started to pull Shizuru's shirt over her, our first kiss ended there for many to come all through the night. I helped Alyssa out with her shirt and both girls forced mine out of me in mere seconds.

Alyssa's hands grabbed both our heads and pulled them towards her. I was forced to her lips while Shizuru found herself right on the crane of her neck, and everything started. I didn't know where my body started and where it ended, there were legs to be kissed, breasts that needed tending, lips to be pleasured. I stopped thinking on my course of actions and started to go with whatever was in front of me.

In moments I found myself raised up on my knees with Alyssa in front of me, and Shizuru behind. I moaned inside Alyssa's mouth, as Shizuru's soft hands knew exactly where to touch. Blond hair and white skin surrounded me, as I felt two different sets of lips exploring my body, my hands followed their actions. I shivered all over when Shizuru licked the course of my spine from bottom to up. It was getting way too stimulating so I shifted in position and placed Shizuru in front of me, next to Alyssa. I got down to take a mouthful of Shizuru's breast and she gave a long moan while kissing Alyssa and touching her in between her thighs. All three of us gasped, with short troubled breaths.

''Natsuki, second drawer.'' Alyssa said quickly and went back to kissing Shizuru. I, personally didn't want to leave Shizuru's breasts nor the pressing hold on my hair, but curiosity won over me and I reached for the drawer next to bed, only to find a black strap on.

I needed no clarification, the meaning was clear. I moved back to next of them and Alyssa separated from Shizuru, busying herself with putting the strap on to me, I took this chance to feel Shizuru's lips once again, and remembered why I wanted to do so. Alyssa may have the sexier moves, but Shizuru Fujino was the best kisser I had ever come across to.

''Shiz, lie down.'' Alyssa commanded and Shizuru obeyed. Her face was flushed in red, lightly covered in perspiration. Alyssa reached to her thighs and spread them and she gave no warning as her head dipped down between light brown curls. Shizuru let out a short scream. I looked right in front of me, Alyssa raised her back with her knees and I was given the green light to penetrate her.

As I slowly slided inside of her. Alyssa gave a moan in between Shizuru's thighs that resulted in Shizuru giving out a moan of her own. I started moving back and forth in a slow pace, holding on to Alyssa's hips tightly and watching the most arousing scene I had ever experienced. Alyssa's long blond hair was spread around Shizuru's bottom half, making it impossible for me to see so I focused on Shizuru's face instead.

Only watching Shizuru's face would be enough of a visual for mental masturbation. And watching myself penetrate into a gorgeous deity was more than enough to near me to orgasm.

I rocked into Alyssa harder and harder penetrating deeper to the unknown, and every time I did, I got a matching reaction from Shizuru who tightly held Alyssa's head with one and clanged to the bedside with the other. I could feel my wetness dripping from my thighs and could see Shizuru was getting close to her first orgasm, so I decided to bring Alyssa with her. I pushed into Alyssa and then did a 360 with my hips, which made Alyssa, leave her job to scream out in pleasure. It was obvious she would no longer be able to use her mouth so instead she replaced what her mouth was doing with her right hand. Now Shizuru and Alyssa moaned, gasped and screamed in sync with each other and I couldn't help but growl as I was burning with desire to get deeper inside of Alyssa.

''Oh-oh- OH dear God!'' Shizuru screamed a pitch higher with every oh. They were about to come and so I started to rock harder and much faster.

We were wrapped in lust and lunacy.

''Fuck!'' Alyssa screamed and then came another fuck from Shizuru and I could feel it was down to final four moves before they came.

4. 3. 2. ... and,

''Holy mother fucker shit fuuuck!!''

''Aahhh!! Je-sus!!''

I don't know why religion always wraps us up in times of orgasm.

I came out of Alyssa slowly, as she was dwelling in the aftershocks of her orgasm. I stroked her back gently, they both couldn't breath, and Alyssa had collapsed over Shizuru whose chest rose and fell to catch all the air in the room.

Alyssa finally raised herself back up and turned to shower my face with sweet like kisses, while I saw Shizuru smirk from the corner of my eye.

''I'll be right back!'' She jumped off the bed, her glorious naked body running out of the room. I decided to give my attention back to Alyssa and we started making out sensually, her arms wrapped my neck as mine stroked her back. My knees by now were a little hurting even on the soft bed.

''Natsuki...'' she whispered while our noses touched, I stroked my nose playfully with hers.

''Alyssa...'' I whispered back and her hold on my neck became stronger.

''Just so that you know, you belong to me from this moment on. I wouldn't want you to mistake our relationship from my carefree actions. I, and only I, decide who gets to touch you, don't you dare think this was only a mind blowing one night stand.''

''It didn't even cross my mind.'' I grinned but I had spoken the truth. And over a night I had a girlfriend who kissed me passionately in return.

Shizuru came back right that moment, equipped with a cherry strap on. She grinned evilly as she approached us and climbed over the bed.

''Now Alyssa, I am about to make that little fantasy of yours come true. I know fucking me was only the half of it. But before you do you have to take that one off of Natsuki and put it on.'' She motioned on the black one and Alyssa grinned from ear to ear and eagerly stripped me off it and put it on herself.

Shizuru reached for my lips and I complied like a good girl, I enjoyed her tongue dancing over mine. She then put her hands on my shoulders and slowly motioned me to lie down, as I did, I felt Shizuru lying on top of me, and I shivered as I felt her whole naked body cover mine. She raised herself a little, to position herself between my thighs. Her left hand stroked my legs while right hand reached behind and pulled Alyssa behind her.

I guessed what Shizuru had in mind, but the strap on wouldn't allow her be penetrated, unless it was from her... My questioned was answered when she pulled tightly on Alyssa's hair,

''Be gentle. I never did it before.'' She commanded and Alyssa only nodded her head and gave her shoulder a little kiss.

Shizuru then lowered herself over me and captured my lips with a moan as Alyssa first put in a finger to relax Shizuru's muscles. My hands could only enjoy Shizuru's breast for a short period of time as she raised herself back and wrapped my thighs around her, and in one swift motion, she entered me.

I felt my heart pounding on my head and I couldn't take my eyes of her ruby red one's which burnt in lust. I was burning with fire and couldn't hold her powerful gaze, nor could I hold it on Alyssa's, so I shut my eyes, which resulted in feeling her penetrations even more powerful. Her hands found mine, and they intertwined. She rocked deeper in to me as Alyssa rocked deeper into her. I was no longer aware of the deafening sounds we were making.

My last reminiscence of that night is cursing at the top of my lungs while Shizuru and Alyssa both fell over me in exhaustion.

Soon Alyssa covered right half of my body while Shizuru covered the rest and we feel into the blissful realm of dreams. I held them both tightly and buried my face in their hair.

It was the first night of many to come. Don't get it wrong. That was the only night I felt Shizuru' warm body over mine, and it was the only night I would share Alyssa with another, albeit to all her efforts to get me into another threesome with a stranger. Why would I? Firstly I was jealous to my bones, and secondly I had already experienced the most breath taking one. I have no doubt any other could surpass that.

That morning I woke up in Alyssa's arms, to her bright smile.

''Morning sleepy head.'' She ruffled my hair and I crankily opened my eyes.

''Ara, she woke up? Right in time.''

''Oh god I don't feel so good..'' was the first sentence that spilled from my mouth. All the alcohol now had its revenge on my stomach.

''I can't believe that is the first thing you say when waking up to a bed of naked girls.'' Alyssa said with crossed brows and a smirk, while Shizuru just chuckled from the side. I turned to see Shizuru approaching me with a glass full of something.

''We guessed you would feel so, here drink this.''

I still don't know Shizuru's secret recipe but damn it works like magic. It had been only a day, but much was shared among us, so I laid back in ease as joined their chat with content. And being half naked was the least of my problems.

***

So had started the greatest 8 months of my life, it was like a dream, but I didn't know it would soon turn into a nightmare.

I planned to spend my life with them, especially her.

But she took my plan and spinned it sideways.

And I fell.

I still fall down hard.

Oh? A single tear escapes me. I pick it up from my cheeks and smile. It had been a long time since I cried...

I know I promised you my story but I don't think I can keep on. I will tell you the rest some other time. I would much rather remember the happy memories. I dread to speak the rest. I feel if I don't talk it out loudly then I can act as if it never happened...

I take a deep breath, and realize I need a bit more of it. I walked outside my room, which is on the first floor, walking in complete stealth. Although their rooms are on the second floor I don't want to take a chance. I slide the window that opens up to the garden and gasp in surprise.

''Sh-Shizuru?!'' I yell in whisper.

She jumps a little but smiles innocently when she realizes it's just me.

''Shmear?'' she asks, holding up the plate full of bagels.

''Shmaybe.'' I reply with a goofy grin. I sit next to her and take a bite of what she offers.

''It's freezing!'' I declare and rub my hands over my arms.

''I know, it's like you're hiding push-pins inside your shirt.'' She chuckles and I look down at my breasts. She is right, but I'm not sure if it is because of the cold or because I just spent my last hour reminiscing about the most graphical memories I've ever had.

''Still the same I see.''

I'm not talking about her tease, no, I'm talking about the fact that Shizuru can never sleep with someone beside her. Except for Alyssa and me of course. And the mention of this thought just makes me feel even more melancholic.

''Unfortunately so. And this was precisely why I liked Haruka, I felt safe and most importantly I loved the fact that she likes to have a little control over me. Not bounded by me. So I thought I could spend the night... Ne Natsuki..?'' she looked at me with cute little pout.

''Yes Shiz?'' I ask her in a soft voice.

''I've been lying on that bed for 3 hours waiting for her to fall asleep. 3 hours! The second I moved her arm over me, she woke up and held me closer!''

She has the cutest desperate face I've ever seen.

I ruffle her hair and give a soft little pat on the head.

''There there... It's okay.'' I chuckle lightly as she drops her head on my shoulder.

''You can't sleep either?'' she asks and I can feel the worried undertone.

''Alcohol keeps me awake, nothing biggie.'' I answer and there is a comfortable silence before she speaks again.

''You were thinking of her weren't you?''

It was the question I dreaded, and I knew I couldn't lie. So instead I gave out a little sigh and nodded my head.

''It's this Friday. I can't believe so many years have passed. I can hardly remember anything of my past besides you and her... ''

''I know, me too..'' I softly reply while the sky brightens itself for the morning to come.

She yawns and I turn to look at her as her head moves away from me. She is wearing a large black shirt and a grey little shorts. Her long statuesque legs must be frozen. Her hair is out loose. Her eyes are tired and she turns to look at me softly.

''Let's go in Shiz. You'll sleep with me, and don't worry I'll wake you up in couple hours before she wakes up in an uproar.'' I joke and she looks back her brows crossed.

''Ikezu.'' She deadpans.

''Yeah yeah whatever. If you fall asleep at breakfast, it wouldn't look good Shizuruuu..'' I say in whisper melodically while walking back inside. She looks at me, and then her eyes drift behind me towards the second floor. In a moment she jumps on her feet and silently run towards me, she jumps, wrapping her legs around me, and just like the first day we met, I give her a piggy ride back to my room.

She has her back turned towards me and I close my eyes in content. I feel her hand try and reach for mine, and when she succeeds she pulls it over her. My body moves towards her and I embrace her tightly from behind. She holds on to my arms with both hands. I had missed the sweet smell of her hair. They always used the same products and it seems Shizuru still do. I inhaled and buried my face to her neck. She squeezed my hand knowingly as a single tear escaped both our eyes. For two different reasons.

''Your legs are cold.'' I whine.

''Ara, your nose is cold, and wet like a dog's. Do you hear me complain?'' She says in between her sleep.

''Good night Shiz.''

''Good night Suki.''

Each other's company soon warmed her legs and my nose. And after a long time, I once again had the pleasure of feeling exactly what Shakespeare meant.

* * *

**Liked it? Then review it! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Another long chapter! ^^**

**This one took a while to write because it was hard in many ways... But I hope you like it!**

**Thank you ALL for the lovely comments, they keep me writing. And I love to read about your opinions and feelings... keep them up ne?**

* * *

My first girlfriend smelled of chocolate chip cookies.

My last, smelled of death.

My first... such an interesting memoir to be reminded of.

I guess when you come closer to the end, you start to think about the beginning.

I was the little kid with attitude. I was six years old. I believed my self to be the coolest 'grown-up' in the world.

It's only in bits and pieces; some blurry, some clearer than the glass. It was summer, Mai and I were invited to play at Takeda's house. Now, that boy was a pervert even in his younger days, I wonder what he is up to now... I remember being surrounded by kids, but I gave importance to none. All through my childhood, -- actually scratch that --all through my life, I attracted people like moths to flame but I preferred to be the lone wolf in search. Probably that image of mine was the reason people felt compelled to meet me and befriend me. But none of them satisfied me... Well except for the ones occupy my life right now.

Anyways, I remember the game being decided by popularity vote; hide and seek.

Tell me now, why is it that when we were kids, for ages we played hide and seek? Clearly we could come up with more interesting ones... What was the fun at hiding crampy places for eternity, just to be found?

You can guess that I played the game a little differently. I made sure no one found me. How? Easy, I always hid out of the hiding territory, then sneak my way into the hiding area in the last minute. I always won.

That day I was following my plan as usual, until I came by a little puppy. I was, and still am, a sucker for puppies. I wanted to pat the puppy for it seemed the most interesting thing on the universe. Unknown to me, it would be my little cupid in black fur. Anyways, the puppy had other plans, it certainly gave no regard to my ministrations. As I ran after the playful creature, I came across a hurdle. The puppy had sneaked it's way to the neighbor lawns. I looked down at the tiny crack and decided the puppy was worth it. I crawled my way to the other side, in pain and whine...

When I raised myself, and patted the dust away from my jeans, I heard a small gasp. I looked up to see the most enchanting little being, I had ever seen. There stood a strawberry, looking at me. I don't remember her name, so I call her strawberry or cookie. She had this vibrant blondish-pinkish hair, and her eyes were the exact allure strawberries are.

''Yo.'' I kept my cool while she looked at me and down the tiny crack for a second, back to my emeralds the next. She was sitting seiza position with a brush in her hands, she reminded me of little creatures in fairy tales. I mean who sits alone in a jungle like garden with a brush in her hands? Certainly in that instant she had became the affection of my attention. She was different than my friends, I knew it.

''Hello.'' She called back to me as if strangers showing up out of nowhere was the utter most normal thing.

I walked towards her in my usual cockiness.

''What are you doing?'' I asked, looking at the inked paper in front of her with a raised brow.

''Why stranger-san, may I ask you the same thing? After all, you are the one who chose to trespass. I would like to know your intentions involving your actions.''

Wooa.

She may look six but she was definitely a grown up stuck in her youthful body. Told ya she was fairy tale creature. I thought about dwarfs, but she was too beautiful to be one, and she had no wrinkles. I knew I should have read Takeda's stupid fantasy books, maybe I could know what I was against with. Hehe...

And of course all that coolness was gone in an instant.

''Umm..'' I coughed to clear my mouth. Something I still do when cornered.

''I-I was.. just...'' I looked around to find the culprit who lead me to where I was. But there was no sign of the furry imp. I hear a chuckle, and I turn to find the most mesmerizing thing I had seen in my six long years.

''Sorry stranger-san. I couldn't help myself.. Come.'' She motioned for me to sit across from her, and I followed immediately.

''I presume you've fallen to Kiyo's trap. She is a playful puppy is she not?'' I look to find Kiyo hiding in her lap, she was stroking her affectionately.

Then, I learnt she was studying calligraphy, she wrote my name and I thought she was the coolest. She had come two weeks ago and apparently Kiyo was her only friend.

''And now me!'' I beamed in pride. She chuckled and nodded.

I heard Mai scream, apparently she was found, her scream reminded me of the game I had run away from.

''Say, do you wanna play with me and my friends?''

She looked at me and back at her house, clearly she didn't have permission to leave the premises. '' No one would notice, and I'll be with you the whole time! It's just the other side, we can come back whenever you want!''

You see, I really wanted her by my side.

She smiled and nodded, so we sneaked back to Takeda's house. I made a hushing gesture and crawled both of us to a good hiding place that I was sure Takeda wouldn't be able to find. I didn't want him to find us. I just wanted to sit with her all day long.

And I did.

We sat in that hiding place for hours, while my friends lost all hope and decided to continue the game without me. We whispered our time away and I remember learning our favorite colors, lucky numbers and if we could have one super power what would it be. Of course I broke the rules once again, and tried to mix all the powers in one, she gave out a small laughter and I pouted. I wanted to be all! It was stupid to choose only one. She said she was sure I would be all, and I was the happiest kid there could ever be.

I don't remember her super power. I really wish I could.

I remember her bringing up cookies from her pockets though. My stomach had growled and she had my medicine. Didn't I say she was the coolest?

I remember turning into a cookie monster while her manners were of Queen Elizabeth's. She nimbled her way to royalty, while I savaged one cookie after another.

I remember her tiny fingers touching the sides of my mouth. She picked the crumbles one by one and brought them to her mouth with a beaming smile. It was the first time I blushed. I remember the heat emitting from my face and my sweaty palms as if it was yesterday.

Right then the magic was gone. Someone was shouting her name so she raised her self in alert.

''Ara... This is bad.'' She looked at me with a pout. ''I have to go Natsuki!''

And she ran back to the little crack. I stood there on my knees, dumbed from disappointment. She must have noticed because she turned and dashed towards me and threw herself at my neck the very next.

I remember holding her with my tiny arms. She let go of me to look at my face and gave me my first kiss on the lips. It was quick, it was haste, it was beautiful...

She smelled of cookies and tasted strawberries..

She was my first girlfriend.

But she was gone the very next day.

I went to Takeda's house everyday for the next month. Everybody thought I had a crush on the boy, but me punching him when he tried to kiss me was the end to all gossips.

Everyday I sneaked my way in, to no avail. One day, one of the maids caught me, appereantly she was aware of my tresspassing for a while. She looked at me affectionately and smiled while delivering the crushing news;

''Ojou-sama is gone little one.''

Tears rolled down my face and I cried my guts out while the old lady tried her best to comfort me. I remember walking back home with a lollipop in my hands as a condolation gift.

My first and my last girlfriend.

They both left me with out any warning.

Their favorite game was touch-and-go.

**

Hmm.. I went far back. I don't know what triggered me to remember her but holding Shizuru brings back memories. Actually she always reminded me of my six year old crush, and from time to time I had my suspicions. But Shizuru was brought up in Kyoto and the only time she came to Tokyo was for college. At least that's what I know. Maybe I should check her family album. Heh..

Now that would be the weirdest thing ever... in a cute way though.

Shizuru... Hmm.

I don't know how to tell you, how to start telling you. It is all a mess in my head and my heart. I promised you a story but for now it will have to wait. It may seem like I'm jumping around but hey, I never said I would stick to chronology. Just put the pieces together will ya?

Shizuru.

No one knows it, but she is the reason I came back.

I am forbidden from many things, and even if I was not, I have a feeling my conscience might kill me before I could act on anything.

If only...-

Shut up Natsuki.

Shut up and wake up.

**

''Shiz. Shiiiz...Wake up!''

Were the last words I wanted to utter, but being a loyal friend I had to do my duty. Sure, it was a short sleep of 2 and a half hours but waking up to a familiar scent -was priceless.

My senses had become alert rather slowly, and I felt the soft skin under my hands. I couldn't let go, so I smiled instead. I raised my sleepy face and looked at the other one. Shizuru looked so peaceful. She may be in her late twenties but while she sleeps, she turns back to her kinder garden version.

I can't take my eyes from the sleeping form partially attached to me. Her body is whiter than the Scythian snow. But this snow has the power to burn any flesh when it wants to. Her delicate fingers are curled under her chin, and her chin commands one's eye to look at her saturated lips... I can't describe the color adorning Shizuru's lips because it changes hue all the time. Right now it's the color of pink rose buds. When she licks them though.. damn, they come alive. Their color reminds me of the red in a sunset- you know; raw, bold, bloody red... Lips that pulsate. I don't think she is aware of the effect her lips cause. Like yesterday when she took her minute to choose among which coffee to buy and casually licked her lips –the service guy had turned into one hormone driven adolescent right that instant.

I brush away a stroke of her blond hair from her face and she moves to my hand unknowingly. For a girl who doesn't like physical contact with another being during sleep, she sure as hell contradicts herself when she is next to me.

The last thing I wanted was to wake her up, but I knew I had to. It was an obligation. And it had nothing to do with Haruka waking up to a lone bed. Why then? Because Shizuru is a hardcore workaholic, who hasn't spent one Sunday away from her office. So she is gonna be late.

''Shiz.. hey there, come on sleepy head.'' I stroke her head affectionately, just because she has to wake up, it doesn't mean I can't make it as sweet as possible. I'm big on affectionate wake up calls, it turns your whole day around.

Think about it, especially if you're single or a loner. If only there would be someone to wake you up with sweet words and kisses every morning... I should hire someone for that purpose.

''mmph.. Natsuki?'' she moves in the bed, and then decides to turn towards me. She snuggles into my chest and I let a little chuckle out. I pat her head and hold her tight in return. I shake her sides a little bit and she gives an unapproving sound.

''Come on now Shiz, it's getting late.'' She moves her head away and opens her eyes slowly to look at me. I give her my best smile, she reflects, but right when I expect her to jump awake and run to Haruka's side, she snuggles back -this time holding on to my shirt.

''Ara, so I'm late.'' She muffles the obvious to my shirt. I feel her warm breath on the center of my chest. It's a warm and fuzzy feeling. Something I haven't felt in a while.

''So now you're skipping work altogether?'' I tease her, looking down to her blond hair. Her face escapes me but I can still feel her perfect outlines on my clothed skin.

''I called in sick.''

Oh this ought to be good.

''Called who? You're the boss.'' I chuckle to her antics.

''I know Suki. '' She raises her head to look at me once more. She has this adorable quizzical face. ''It was a strange conversation.'' She looks away from my eyes in a fake thinking manner, ''If I do it again, I'll make sure to fire me.'' And she turns back to my chest, but I can see the glance of a goofy smile on her face.

I chuckle. So I guess Shizuru will be taking her for longed Sunday vacation today, after all.

**

I let her in the comfort of my chest for half an hour, resting my head over hers. Damn to that inner responsibility in me. I know the rest of the house will be waking up soon, so I decide to take action. I raise my self and get off the bed. Shizuru is clearly unhappy. But then I turn around and pick her up bridal style, she is shocked for a second, but makes herself comfortable in seconds. For such an independent woman, my experiences taught me one thing; she likes to be carried around.

I lie her down to the couch and open the tv, the news to be exact. I'm creating the rational scene so when Haruka comes down she won't suspect a thing. Not that I doubt that woman would ever suspect Shizuru's antics.

I walk to kitchen, I want to make myself some good old stale coffee. But instead I find myself opening the fridge door and look at the insides critically. It's a picture of healthy diet let me say. Shizuru is the poster child for the skinny yet healthy.

I am here to change myself. So I guess I should skip on the stale coffee. Well, why not have a grand Sunday breakfast then?

I find myself busy with making the table and the food. If this were to happen in my younger days, I wouldn't be able to have one volunteer at the table because all would know the hazardous risks. But this half decade of living as a loner has taught me a lot of things, and awesome omelette skills is one of them. I lived in traditional America, so bacon and eggs it is.

One by one by they all gather around the table anticipating my appearance out the kitchen. It smells so good, I can hear their stomach growls even from here.

''Ara, finally the apron is used!'' Shizuru beams at me while Nao has a shocked face, and Haruka is indifferent.

I look like a goody-good domestic wife. I smile and give them their share of the food and there isn't a single sound at the table for a good half an hour while I smile contently and read the newspaper. The food is good and they're damn hungry, why cold your plate with talk.

''Listen, Blue,'' Nao takes my attention away from my newspaper. ''I know you are taking your time off from work, so I need you to drive me around for the rest of the day. Driver's getting his ears pinned. I couldn't stand lookin' at those Dumbo flaps for another day.''

Only Nao Yuuki's driver would have leave of absence due to cosmetic surgery.

And with a single motion my peaceful Sunday is disturbed. Spending it with Nao and Haruka? Is it a joke?

''Nao, I am not your chauffeur.'' I deadpan and continue reading the travel section.

''Hmm.'' She is not happy, but then again that's my sole purpose.

''Why don't you just drive yourself?'' Haruka asks and I laugh from the inside. Nao? Driving? Give me a break.

''Okay prima donna, I don't know what century you live in but in my world people like me don't drive, they are driven.'' She says nonchalantly, and I smirk.

''She doesn't know how to drive.'' I look at Nao, and she is clearly annoyed I share this bit of information with her actress. Shizuru gives a little laugh but I don't look at her. Haruka has her arms around her, clingy much Suzushiro? Give her a breather. But then again Shizuru seems content with it. Whatever.

''Nah, never had to.'' Nao shrugs. ''Usually I had loyal friends who didn't let me down but as you can see some of them changed over the course of years into selfish little punks. Plus, some body's gotta be the designated drinker. ''

This is the perfect moment so I look right into Nao's eyes as she takes a sip of her orange juice for the first time. Her eyes widen and she looks at me quickly.

Yes, Nao. I still know you like your morning juice with good dose of Gin in it. Even after so many years. Who is the selfish punk now?

''But then again, I can be wrong.'' She admits and smiles at me, I nod to her apology and go back to reading. I've been reading the same sentence for the n-th time.

''Why don't you ask John to teach you?'' Haruka turns to ask Nao. From what I learnt John was the guy with Dumbo flaps.

''No, he is British. He'll teach me to drive on the wrong side of the road.''

I put down my paper and pop the last piece of bacon into my mouth. And I know it's my cue to comment.

''Isn't that where you'll end up anyway?''

I smirk. Today is a good day, I'm getting my touch back.

**

I remember teaching Alyssa how to drive. She seemed like a person with healthy reflexes so I never taught of the possible catastrophe till we were on the road. Since Shiz thought it may be the last time she would see our faces she had volunteered to sit in the back. Yes, if we were going to die, we were going down together.

At first everything seemed to go normal. But you and I both know that wouldn't be for so long.

''Ara, you're doing great Alyssa!''

''Oh, Shiz, I love driving! It's... it's exhilarating! '' she took her hands of the wheel, to make a flying gesture, ''Let's take her up! Come on.'' She chirps energetically.

I admit, I was scared shitless. Only now had I realized what a great mistake this was.

''Alyssa, this isn't a flying carpet.''

She turned and looked at me.

''It is when you've smoked as much as I have.''

Ain't that the truth.

''Just-just concentrate on the road will ya. You're doing fine. But give it a little more gas. Okay, now heads up. Up! Ok. Next block there's a woman with a baby carriage.'' I point to the silhouette up ahead.

''I'm on it.''

And what did she do? She stepped on the gas.

''No no dammit! Don't speed up!''

And woop goes the red light. Fortunately we didn't hit anybody.

''Do traffic lights mean anything to you dammit?!'' I was yelling.

''Sure baby, green light- go go go! Yellow light..- decoration.''

''What about the fucking red?!''

''Red? Just a suggestion.''

As luck would have it we heard the police siren behind us, in that very instant.

''Fuck.'' I was amazed by the way Shizuru cursed, it always makes me smile, I love how elegantly she expresses her displeasure.

''Oh damn, it's a cop.'' I state the obvious in panic.

''I'm on it!'' Once again, my insane of a girlfriend screamed in joy.

''No,no,no! You've gotta stop! He's pullin us over.''

We pulled over on the side while the biker cop pulled up behind.

''Okay, just calm down, I'll handle this.'' I say. She gives me a thumbs up. But the real thing which worries me is her facial expression. Trouble on the horizon.

''You know how fast you were going?''

Oh, great. One of those ugly ass cops that you dread to see.

''How could I? I'm inside it.''

God dammit Alyssa! Didn't I just said to leave it to me!

I face-smack myself.

''Officer is there a problem?'' I urgently try to cover up my girlfriend, but the guy is onto us. He looks inside the car and gives a sly smirk. Dear God, please give me resistance and don't let me smack this son of a bitch in the face.

''License and registration, please.''

I look around to find my registration but Alyssa doesn't wait for me.

''Oh, sure. No problem officer. Meet license and registration.''

What did she do?

She opened up her jacket and thrusts out her breasts. I was so shocked that I swallowed my tongue and my eyes bulged out of my skull.

My anger lines were positively beaming.

And Shiz just chose to laugh,

''Ara, Officer-san, you should've seen what she showed customs when they asked for her passport.''

Shizuru, Shizuru, Shizuru... I might kill your best friend when, and if, we make it out of this mess.

The so called officer turned out to be a puritan, so in the end, we were sentenced to 40 hours of community service, and picked trash for the next two weeks.. –in orange safety-jumpsuits.

Whoever said Tinky Winky was the only gay Teletubbie, should have seen us in that orange.

How in the hell had I find this woman?! If Gay means happy, why was I not?

***

''No.'' I say quickly. ''I've had my share of being an instructor. I do not wish to repeat such a fatality.''

I can't even imagine how things would end up with Nao, who is may I say head to head in the race of lunacy with Alyssa. Therefore the verdict is; over my drop dead gorgeous body!

Even I'm amazed by the calm way I say those words without being wrapped by the past. I feel Shizuru's hand stop on my shoulder for a quick squeeze, I look up to see her smile at me. It is one of those mutual reminiscences, but we both contently smile it through. Her hand leaves my shoulder for my plate, she has decided to clean the table.

Shizuru looks so beautiful in the mornings.

''Fine, fine whatever. '' and Nao lets the subject drop.

**

''Natsuki?''

She calls me by my name. I wonder whats going on.

''Yea, Shiz. I'm back at the garden.''

She follows my voice and appears behind the thin cut glass looking at my horizontal pose. I had thought it would be nice to spend rest of the morning on the hammock rather than watch Haruka and Shizuru make out . Why am I so troubled by this? I have no idea. I guess I don't like to share my best friend. Yea, that should be it.

Who-ever-the-fuck-am-I-kidding.

Just act fooled for my sake will you?

''And what is Na-tsu-ki doing?'' she asks with a warm smile.

Let me tell you something,

Shizuru talks the way a Martini taste. Sweet and head spinning.

It's a complicated definition, I know, but if only you could see her from my eyes, you would know exactly what I was talking about.

''I was just dusting off my literary skills.'' And I add a smile.

''So it seems... Ara, I was just wondering if we are still on for lunch?''

We promised to have lunch together, and even though my only wish is to keep my promise, I heard Haruka plan a wonderful day.

''Can't.''

I can spend all my limited lunchs with you Shizuru, but you had your fair share of dealing with this mess; aka, me. I wish for her to be happy, I'm just a pathetic depressive soul, who will only make you more miserable if you come any closer to me.

''Well, how about dinner?'' she insists.

''Can't.''

I'm keeping my replies short, in hopes she will not dig my reasons, for I have none or actually do I have one..? Yes of course!

''Ara,'' Is that irritation I hear in her voice?

''How about I wake Nastuki up at 3 a.m for some lobster?''

Woa, haven't heard that tone in a while.

''Can, but won't.'' I try to give a goofy smile but she only thins her eyelids in return.

''What urgent matter takes Natsuki's priority if I may ask? ''

Have you ever realized how complicated Shizuru's sentences form, sometimes it's like talking with a woman of 300 year old court manners.

''Why , you may indeed.'' I answer in her style. My grin in place.

''I decided to visit my favorite Aunt. Plus, we'll be together at night anyways right? Didn't you tell me Nao and Haruka planned to bash it off tonight?''

''Ara, I had forgotten that. So it is. Suki, by aunt... do you mean?''

Umm, yes. I've lost my parents at the age of 4 and don't have any real relatives to spend holidays with. The remaining few are nothing but gold diggers. She has a worrying face, but I know it will change right about now,

''Well what other Aunt that I have, other than the gorgeous Saika Fujino?''

Oh she is shocked alright.

''Natsuki made plans to meet with mother?''

''I can't really say that since I plan to surprise her.. It's been fairly long and your teases have lost its touch, I need something more aged...''

''Ara-.''

I smirk.

**

''Yo Saika! Your favorite is in town!'' I beam over the telephone and I know she is incrediously happy.

''Ara... Natsuki-chan?''

''You know I'm about to hit thirties right? Can't you drop the –chan, Saika? You promised you would!''

''And you, young one, promised to come and see me. It's been what 6-7 years? I say you procastinate too much.''

''Gomen Saika. You're right, I haven't been myself lately. But I'm back now, and the first thing I plan to do is see you.''

''Is my daughter with you?''

''Nope, she is out, she told me to give you kisses, and I plan to give it all. Shall I come over?''

''Ara, you better.''

''See you soon Saika.''

Many men in black suit came over to Shizuru's house with big brown boxes. I think they are for the party Nao and Haruka are planning to co-throw. I didn't have the chance to see what was inside them. I promised my friends to be back in time and asked if I can borrow a car from Shizuru's four wheel selection. She said I could borrow her new Infiniti 2010 Essence Coupe.

It's monster of a car, and I was in love with it the minute Shizuru showed it to me. And she didn't just showed it to me, she also gave me the car keys! ''Semi-permanently.'' She called it. I have a feeling she only bought that not-on-sale car just so that she can see my shocked face. I love that woman- I mean- ahem. Anyways, it's a cool car, you get the point.

And after Shizuru's little surprise I was driving my little present over to Saika's place, a little out of town.

Saika Fujino is my dearest, and however much may I call her Aunt, she is like a mother to me.

Saika Fujino is everything you think her not to be. When I first met her, I was invited to Fujino summer house for a three day vacation. They say apple does not fall far from the tree, thefore I expected a woman of shocking elegance and manners. I mean yes, the Shizuru I know was a crazy girl, but Shizuru was also the most mannered person you can ever meet in your entire life. So I gave craziness to her youth and expected her family be the reason behind her mannerly I did not know was that Saika Fujino could fool anyone. My first impression validated my convictions, my second, crushed them all.

She could care less about the material values the world brings, she could care less about the fake manners people build, she could care less about the obligations and responsibilities the life brings. She was crazy, she was full of life, it was impossible not to love her. I was confused, but everything came together when I met Saika's sister; Misaki.

They were the two duals of a ying-yang. Saika made her own rules, breaking most of them in the process, while Misaki followed tradition. Saika always let her heart give the final decision while Misaki always followed the rational route. Saika believed life was short and to be lived to it's end, even if it sometimes hurts others, she couldn't help but follow her desires. Misaki was there to glue the broken pieces a.k.a Shizuru, with her own methods.

So knowing these sisters is the key to unlocking the mystery known as Shizuru. She was raised to be a proper lady and to follow customs, but she could never turn her back to the blood coursing her body, commanding to take every risk in life and simply, be crazy.

When we were young Shiz and Saika rarely talked, for Shiz was raised to unapprove her mother and so she did. Surprisingly Saika never tried to change her daughter's convictions, but let it to the course of life. It was sometime later when I went to America where I learnt they had made amends.. From what Shiz told me over the phone, it only took one night for her to think some things over and run crying to her mother's arms. I was so happy to hear the news, it was the first day I let out a small laugh.

''Ah the folly of the youth, you look such a mess!''

I grin to my fullest. She looks just the same as I left her.

''You say mess, I say work in progress.''

There is a danger to this meeting. I might fool everyone, my childhood friend Mai, my loving nemesis Nao and my other half, Shizuru. But in the worlds of me I can't seem to elude this woman for a second.

This past eight years I have become a pathological liar for the sake of me and my loved one's sanity. I had to fake a lot of things, I had to fake a normal life while I was just a wondering soul without aim. But I am scared shitless that it will only take three minutes spent with Saika, for her to know my thoughts, my wishes, my nightmares... And most importantly what happened a month ago, that changed everything for me...

I suck in a good amount of oxygen.

If I can fake happiness, I can clearly dance with it in front of this woman. I have to, I do not wish for her to see through my plans, see through the truth of my coming back.

I give her a big kiss on the cheek and she pats my head while so. We walk behind the house to the gardens, I see she set a table for us, some wine and some fruits with cheese. I seriously suspect her origins to be one of French'. I'm pretty sure she is the far far far granddaughter of some French loyalty. Who else drinks wine from morning till dusk. But this is just one of the reasons I love her. I told you I'm drawn in the unusual things and Saika is as unusual as one can get.

I sat down across from her while she pours wine to both our glasses, she doesn't even ask if I wish to indulge in alcoholism so early in the day. I wish to anyways.

''It's a rare vintage from an obscure village in Bordeaux.'' She starts while breathing in what she is to drink in minutes.

''Oh?'' I ask with interest and a grin.

Good stuff is about to come.

''Hai... Rather than to crush the grape underfoot, they place the fruit on the belly of a bride, and reap it's juices when the young husband steers his vessel into port. Full-boided flavor, with just a hint of wantonnes, I say. Bottoms up child!''

Told you she is not your everyday woman.

''Saika...'' I give out a genuine laughter. ''You are an encyclopedia of perversions old woman.. It's from your cellar, the same wine you've been drinking for the past millenia. I recognize the taste.''

''Oh the impossibility of this youth!'' she over dramatically rolls her eyes and takes a gulp from her wine, ''I should have told you it was the blood of Christ. You'd believe that, wouldn't you?''

''I have my doubts in believing anything you say Auntie dea-''

''Mother.''

She doesn't like it one bit when I recognize her with anything but my mother.

''Hai hai, mother dear.''

''Good. Now, I am curious to know how you flushed your past six years down the toilet child. Care to share?''

I didn't expect it this quick to our chat.

Cough. Cough.

''Well,...''

I start my chain of lies. How a good opportunity had come up and I wished to pull my self together in overseas. How I spent my last year of university in America and how I came to put together my work and make success of it. How work seemed to be the only thing bringing me together. How hard it was to get over my loss but how I managed to overcome it. How I wished to came back to Japan everyday of every year but couldn't due to work. And how, now that I have made money good enough for three generations, I decided to leave solitude and come back home.

Okay maybe last part hold some truth in it, but the rest, nothing but a perfectly planned set of lies.

''I always said you were a good story teller child...''

It's those eyes, beware of the woman who has blood shade eyes reflecting not your physical look but your soul onto you.

''You've been reading your article of false doctrine for the past hour Natsuki... Beautifully written might I add. But Natsuki forgets I wrote the rules of deception in my younger days... And I am sure as the sun upon us that you are not telling one ounce of truth.''

''Do you know how I know?'' she continues.

Fuck. I am so fucked.

''How?''

''Because this past hour you were the split image of my youth, when I deceived everyone of me. And would you like to know why deceived them?''

''Why?''

''Because I didn't wish anybody to know the truth. I wished to hurt no one because I thought it would. Later, had I learnt not telling the truth makes the deepest scars. You see Natsuki, I didn't want anyone to know I hated my life and wished runaway and explore more into the world. I did not want anyone to know I was also relieved when my husband died, for it was the only good thing he had ever done for me, after giving me my Shizuru. He had given me, my freedom.''

''At first I did not know what to do with this newly acquired freedom, and so lead two lives. One for the sake of my family, the other to my own delight in secrecy. But secrets rarely keep buried, and when they come out, I realized they shouldn't have been buried from the beginning, and if I had come clean with my thoughts and desires early on, I wouldn't have hurt the dear people in my life as much.''

''But you hurt them nonetheless.''

I know you're probably not getting what Saika is talking about. But when we were young Shizuru and her family was haunted with gossips of Saika's adultery. We never knew who Saika had secretly given her heart to, for there were many names... One, interestingly was a a woman.

''People are born to get hurt. You do not learn a lesson through laughter but pain. And the most crucial lessons comes through great suffering unfortunately. But you should never forget it may give birth to something wonderful if you realize it. My freedom, my happiness came when I dropped down my mask and showed my family my true form. Surely, I hurt many people, my daughter the most. I was lucky enough to repair the damaged bridge, you on the other hand are trying your best to burn it down silently... Tell me child, for some one who only laughed and smiled when she felt like so, why are you, now, doing when you do not wish to do so?''

She thinks I am deceiving her of my feelings, she knows something is wrong and off but she can't quite point it out. So she is walking around the subject, till she pinpoints exactly what it is. Though I have a feeling it will be the last thing she suspects.

I am pretty sure she has love in her mind, not life.

''Tell me Saika, how is it that you know... see.. so much through me. I did not wish to come here, you know. You were the last I wished to see..''

''Ara... That's what I guessed so!'' she chirped in delight. ''The real surprise was you being eager to see me so early after your arrival.. I had given you at least a month. And I'm pretty sure you came to run away from something, it's hard to believe Shizuru and the rest would leave you alone for the whole day, even if it means seeing an old loving lady.''

''I hate you woman. Try to be wrong once in a while. It'd do my ego good.''

''Sorry child, will make sure to do so. Now, tell me Natsuki. Please?''

This is the point of no return. Either I clue her to the truth, or fake my way out. The decision is all mine, I'm pretty sure she will feel uneasy but she will not force the truth out of me. So Natsuki will you tell her or will you leave her in dark like everyone else?

I give in. Because deep inside I know I want to give in. Deep inside I want her to know, I need her for my incoming days...

''What do you wish to know?'' I ask with a serious tone.

''What are you doing here? Why did you come back, after 8 years... Why didn't you before? And why, most importantly, am I looking at the eyes of some one who is hiding something?''

Well, here I go.

''I wished to see them once again, I needed to feel at home Saika... one more time.''

''It seems like a sentence formed by an old lady at the end of her journey.'' She jokes but her eyes drift to the ground as she idly looks at her flowers. She is thinking, and I dread, that clever mind of hers will connect the non-existent dots.

And because I say nothing to correct her little joke...

Her eyes widen and she raises her self in one quick motion, and I find her standing in front of me the very next.

''How serious is it?'' she has an alarming tone and her facial expression tells me she has put together the invisible pieces of this puzzle.

''Very mother.'' I look at her affectionately, with a warm smile.

''How long?'' she is even more alarmed, and I can see her aged eyes ready themselves for tears.

''They say five months, but I'll make sure to make it six-''

-SMACK!

I hold on to my reddened cheek, I had expected something like this.

She throws herself to me the very next, her left hand never leaving my reddened skin.

''Oh you fool, fool, fool, you unfortunate fool,...'' she starts her chant, I can feel her tears wetten my face. We switch the roles, I am the mother and she is the child. I craddle the wrinkled five year old in my arms, and smile in content.

Finally my secret is out, to the person I wished to admit the most. I needed to feel a mother's warmth, I wished to be loved. This is why I came back...

**

We sit in silence now, it' been three hours, and she pulled herself together. She is one of the strongest woman I have ever met in my life.

''Please erase that content smile off your face child.'' She looks at me with worried eyes but I only smile more.

''Me crying, won't do you any good Saika.'' I reply fondly but she furrows her brows.

''Not me, no. But it might put some sense into you.'' She replies with slight anger and disappointment.

''I am not scared of dying.''

I don't know how much truth is in this line. Some days I look forward to it, sometimes I am scared out of my mind. I think I am scared.

No. I know I am scared. But not as much for the concept of dying. There is something else that I fear far more greater than my soul leaving my body. What it is, I am not so sure.

Actually I know it God damn well. I just don't wish to speak it out loud.

''So says the child of mine, the ignorant of all.'' She downs her glass of wine with one gesture. ''Why? Why? A chance is still a chance Natsuki! And don't you dare say you want to die! To drift into a world only created in the minds of people for comfort! You die, you become one with the dirt! There is no after life! -There are no angles! -There is no Alyssa waiting for you!''

I stand shocked. It is the first time I hear her yell, it is the first time I see such anger and desperation in her eyes.

''Saika... If you think I choose this path with Alyssa in mind, you are very wrong. Yes she was perhaps the love of my short life, and I shall always cherish her haunting for the rest of my life. But do you honestly think I do not wish to live?'' I feel my voice is rising with each sentence, and I am about to break.

''Do you honestly think I do not wish to feel the warmth of sun till I'm aged to my bones and flesh?! I wish to live! That is why I am doing this! I wish to live and laugh and feel the warmth of the people in my life!''

I am yelling and she is silently shedding tears on my account.

''Even if I have the damn surgery by the hand of a semi-god there is only 2% chance for me to survive!! Why should I risk six months! I can have six months of love and happiness! Why should I throw it all away for a chance that is not meant to come through! Why... why WHY!!''

And... Finally... I am crying. For nothing but my cruel fate.

Now, you know.

Few months ago, I, Natsuki Kuga, learnt that I was suffering from early Glioblastoma Multiforme. The most common and most aggressive type of primary brain tumor in humans. But for my luck, fate mixed only a drop of hope; either I submit myself to surgery with little to nothing chance of survival, or I detest every form of medication and die silently in time.

And since I am me, I decided that the man who choose the hour of his death is the closest he will ever come to tricking fate. You see, I am determined to make a fool out of fate. I am going to show that even if it chains my body, it can not chain my soul, and that I would spend rest of my six months not being afraid of it, but in constant pleasure I emit from the people surrounding me. That, I would not bend down on my knees out of desperation but make a fucking parade out of my departure!

She is by my side again, affectionately stroking my hair as I lay my tumored skull on to her shoulders.

''Will you tell them?'' she asks softly.

''No. And I expect the same from you Saika... I do not wish to leave this world while watching them worry their souls away for me. I want to laugh with them till the last minute.''

''It is not fair... This is not fair... ''

''No mother. It is not.'' My last tear roll down.

**

It is getting late but I do not wish to leave Saika's side yet. I know Shizuru, Nao and Mai have started the party since there is four missed calls on my phone. Double call by Shizuru Fujino.

We are on our third bottle of wine, we are slightly drunk, but we are content. It became chilly outside so we took comfort of the warmth behind her four walls. We cooked some dinner and enjoyed the rest of the evening till the moon showed his face. We left the topic behind and talked as if it never happened. We even made a few jokes on each other and she pulled herself together enough for couple teases. She knows I do not want her to cry, she knows she has to hold it all in till I leave her house. She knows she needs to become strong for my sake.

She is the mother I never had the pleasure of savoring.

We replaced food to something more liquid, and placed ourselves to her couch.

''Natsuki...'' she has a timid and fragile sound, and I am worried.

''Yes Saika..?''

''I need to tell you something. I thought in the course of time, it would happen naturally for there is no other way... But knowing this... I have to tell you.'' She is serious and scared. I have never seen her like this. But today held many firsts.

''What is it Saika?'' I ask cautiously. She raises her eyes from the ground and looks directly into my eyes.

''Before I do, I have to ask you something child... Do you have a lover?''

What the?

''You know me mother, I always settled down with a nice girl every night, and then I'm free the next morning. It wouldn't change just because I have expiration date.''

I try to joke, but I guess I failed miserably. Perhaps it's too early for jokes as such.

''No child. That is not what I meant. Answer me this, do you still mourn over Alyssa?''

I find myself taken a little back.

''Yes. Of course..'' I whisper my answer.

''Is she still the only one occupying your heart?''

What is she trying to accomplish? She can't possibly know my inner demons. That's just not possible!

''What do you mean Saika?'' I'm fidgeting inside.

''Answer my question please..''

Is it about Alyssa or something else? I'll try Alyssa first.

''I love her, yes. And I do not wish for people to tell me to get over her already.''

''That was not my intent.''

''What is it then?''

''Child, it is not that you can fall in love with someone new because you forget the old... I know you biggest scare is to forget her. But living in constant haunt is not a way to remember her. It's because you fall in love with someone new that you're able to let go about the old. Only love can heal a heart that was hurt by love. I just need to know, if your heart closed to another heart?'

So this is, and this is not, about Alyssa. Can she possibly know?

''I do not know Saika... For so long I wished to die after the woman I loved... But you know, one day I found myself content with her departure...''

It is the alcohol dragging the truth out of me.

''..This might sound funny, but I was already thinking to come back here, for much more different purposes. I wished to pick up my life and perhaps love again if it is not too late, I.. I... I had a person in mind. ''

I stop to look at her eyes, scared, I don't want her to know every damn secret. But she only nods and tells me to continue.

''But just when I wished to remember Alyssa only in good memories... I- I learnt, I will be joining her soon. As if she did not wish to let go of me...The truth is I am hungry for love. I want to be loved, and I want to love, to be in love. Not because I wish to forget Alyssa, no, however much may I seem I am stuck at her, it is only because she is dead, and to love again requires a beating heart. I can't love Saika... if I love, I would also have to let go. So I guess it would be easier to fill my heart with a lost gone love...''

She looks at her glass, averting her eyes from mine.

''But if you had asked me the same question couple months ago, I would give you a much more different answer...''

You know what? fuck it. If she knows, she knows. She would be by my side even so.

''This is what I dreaded the most...'' she whispers.

I search for her missing eyes.

''I never meant to tell the things I am about to tell, and I do respect your choice, so what you will do with what I tell you, I can only hope... you'll do the right thing.''

''What are you talking about Saika?''

''Natsuki.. Do you know how my daughter came to forgive me?''

Okaay. This, I did not expect.

''What? Umm.. I'm not sure. She said something about realizing something...''

''Yes dear, she did realize something. Something that was unbearable for her, something that made her empathy with what I felt years ago... And that brought us together.''

''What thing? You're talking in riddles again Saika.''

''You, my sweet dear child, have given me my daughter. And it is time I give her to you.''

I gave Shizuru? You'll give her?

''Wha..-'' but she cuts me.

''I thought in time you two would realize, you would realize, and she would realize... But under these circumstances I can no longer stay mute, and leave you in ignorance.''

Now, she is looking at my eyes, and I find myself chained to the couch. My heart is beating. I though it was long dead.

''My daughter has always loved you Natsuki. As a friend, as a confidant, as in family, but what you do not know, is that she also loved you. As a lover.''

''It is not possible! She never... she would never-''

''Of course she never! She never even dared!''

I look at her incredulously. It is as if the veil I hid behind was torn away. I could hear my heart beating, deafening me. She... How could it be even possible?!

''A month after you left for America, I believe your letter destined to arrive after your departure reached Shizuru. It is that day my daughter came to me, no longer able to held it together... broken to pieces. I did not know what was happening, I always suspected it but never really thought it was possible.''

I can't talk, I can't think. All my five senses are locked to the woman in front of me. I only look at her, I only hear her words, I only taste the meaning behind them, I smell my own fear, I feel myself trembling.

''My daughter loved you from the beginning, but she also valued friendship more than anything. She knew the honeycomb soul of Alyssa, and never dared to take away what seemed to fill those holes; you. She hated herself because she believed her greatest mistake was to show you to Alyssa, and make one innocent comment.''

''But how? How Saika?! I don't understand!''

''This is why I think fate is cruel, a cruel child who loves to play games.'' She let out a sarcastic chuckle and looked at me with weary eyes.

''I believe the first words she used to describe you were; 'she reminds me of my first kiss.' She watched you from a distance, until one day she shared her interest with her best friend. She told me she never expected the turn of events, but chose to let it go. That is until you became a part of them.''

This is everything I dreamt of for the past months... And everything I dreaded.

''My daughter is one of a kind when it comes to denying her feelings. I believe she spent her days in joy and suffering blended in together. When you two lost Alyssa, and you chose to take comfort in Shizuru, her suffering... it became her hell.''

''I... I-''

''Think of it Natsuki. After Alyssa passed away, you moved in with Shizuru for half a year before you left her behind. You lived with her, thinking she is the only thing left that ties you to Alyssa while my daughter wished to end her life for different reasons. She felt she was betraying her best friend whenever you cried in her arms because my daughter was happy not sad when she held you...!''

Her trembling hands reach for my trembling ones, and I squeeze them with all my force.

''And when you left... There were two things she knew by heart; that you will always love Alyssa and see my Shizuru as a part of that past life. Secondly, that she had to let you go because it was unbearable for her, and never ever put down her mask.''

She... Shizuru. Loved me? Shizuru was the balm to what rages me, and exactly for that I had left her. For that very reason I had run away, all the while she suffered much more?

''Now, tell me if it's an old woman's wishful thinking.. but earlier you said you wished to come back for someone, hoping it would not be late... Was it or was it not my daughter?''

I look at her eyes guilty. I never even voiced that side of me, I locked it in the darkness, it was the biggest betrayal was is not?! How could I love Shizuru when she was my best friend, when she was her best friend! I never even dared to think of it, it was wrong, it was sinful.... it was what started to keep me alive. And I was ashamed of it. So I did everything in my power to keep myself oceans away from her.

''I... Yes, Saika. I wanted to return for her. But I thought it would not be possible, never, I don't think I ever even voiced what I felt for her even to myself. I only decided I wanted to be by her side, to see her, and to be with her... from a distance... I would never dare to close..''

I can't form words. After so many years of not even admitting it to myself, it comes hard to talk it out loud.

''They may say love is blind, but what they do not know is that we are all far-sighted all through our lives, Natsuki. Now, you know the truth. I have done my part, my heart can't take to tell what you should do, as it couldn't to Shizuru. She cried and I calmed her, be strong for her when she decided to leave you surpass you behind. But I shall be mute no more. I can only hope you'll do the right thing child...''

She looks at me so affectionately, and I can't help but shed silent tears. This is everything I dreamed and dreaded for the past years dammit! With every phone call she had warmed my heart and tortured my conscience. But I was not alone... I was only blind.

I look at the time, it's getting very late.

''Now go, go to my child with what you think is best. I shall support you just as I supported her. Even if I choose not to act on it, and I think it would be the greatest mistake, I shall still be by your side. But never leave this question of mine from your mind; don't you think you have suffered enough?''

**

That day I never knew of the last words Saku uttered as I walked to my car feeling out of this world.

_''Hearts and dreams that pass each other, but are oblivious to one another.''_

I got in the car and look at the piece of paper in my hands. Saika had taken her time to go upstairs and come down only holding this piece of paper in her hands., as if it was the most delicate fragile thing on the universe. Before she gave it to me, she told me she was ashamed to break the pact of trust between she and Shizuru. She told me she had found this paper on the floor, while Shizuru had passed away from crying. She had kept it for years, and Shizuru had never questioned the absence of the paper. Saika believed it was because there were many more of them, who cares where one goes when you've written tons and tons.

I speed away, glancing at the paper more than I should to road. I found myself unable to function so I pulled the car over near by the sea. I throw myself out the car. I can't breath. I look at the vast blue, holding onto the letter, my hands slowly open to read.

_My dearest Sin,_

_You are next to me, your beautiful eyes hid behind your eyelids that keep the shade._

_You are sleeping peacefully for the first time in many months. Demons leave you, only to torture me. You are sleeping by my side, your left hand never losing it's touch on me._

_I can not take it anymore Natsuki... I can't do this anymore._

_My Natsuki.... was never mine, will never be mine._

_If only you knew the truth..._

_I do not want the soft surrender this evening. My fingers ache for more than gentle caresses; my lips crave too much to be satisfied with languid kisses. I want no sweet words or half spoken dreams. I want you Natsuki.._

_I want all of you._

_I want my tongue to lash you to the bed and my hands to pin you a prisoner to my own selfish desires._

_I want to shatter the forbidden._

_I want to strip you bare of everything so not one shred of decency or shame left between us. I want to rip away your infernal pride, your everlasting mourn. I want to taste it, bitter and sweet upon my lips... To roll it against my tongue as it slides over yours. I want to drink all that is dark and poison inside you. Feed it to me... let your mouth become my executioner._

_Natsuki... I want to break your will and bend it to my own. To feel you snap as your body rises taut against my own. I want to feel your skin, hot and on fire like our first day, tremble at the ice of my touch. I want to hear you whimper my name like half-remembered childhood dream, beg me to stop, and then feel your hands and mouth implore me not to. I want you open to me... to feel that harsh shudder tear through you as it reverberates against your bones. I want to feel your heart slam against my own in the dark, each hot beat matching that of my hips as they press against yours.._

_I want to get under your skin... to peel away the flesh and expose each nerve and play it until it is tight and ragged. I want to tear apart all you hold dear and sacred about me, and profane it with unholy kisses and unholy blood._

_And then when I finally taken you, and you are left shaking by my side the very breath between us coming as one –thick and rough.. my thumb pressed hard against tiny throb of your throat, find my words for me, Suki... Break them against my heart and let them spill... dark and silent offering._

_Tell me Natsuki... do you still feel so holy of me?_

_Or do you hate me as much as I hate myself?_

_In three days time you will learn of your acceptance to study overseas, it didn't take too much effort to get you accepted, you are my exceptional after all. I have to make sure you board that flight. You have to go Natsuki... I can not bear to see you slowly drift away, in front of my eyes._

_I can't be your friend if I see you... if I touch you. I am afraid of going insane and telling you everything. I can't be your consoling friend however much I wish to be._

_I kissed you on your forehead and you mumbled her name..._

_Oh how ignorantly you're killing me._

_My sweetest sin, till we meet again._

_I am sorry Natsuki. I am so sorry Suki._

_I am sorry Aly._

I fall on my knees.

I look up the sky, I want to cry, I want to scream out my frustration, I want smash objects into disfigurement. But most of all, I want to smile.

And I want to run to Shizuru's side.

I can feel the seeds of joy spreading through my ill body. Tears do fall, but this time not for pain, not for shame...

I never knew Shizuru's feelings, and I always thought I was the only person who ever knew her to the core. All these years... she never slipped her mask. And I'm learning of this mask now for lucks fucks sake!! I never truly knew her! How could I be blind to her feelings, frustrations, sufferings. She was always strong. She looked strong...

It was all a façade?

How did you Shiz?

Cars slow down when passing by me. Who wouldn't slow down to a woman crying her guts out to the ocean on the middle of a side road.

What am I to do?!

''DAMN YOUU! IF YOU ARE UP THERE HEAR ME OUT! DAMN YOU! YOU CAN TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME OLD MAN, BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE MAKE HER UNHAPPY EVER AGAIN! I SWEAR TO THE SHORT LIFE YOU BREATHED IN ME, I'LL FUCKING KICK YOUR HOLY ASS WHEN I COME UP THERE! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!?! YOU ARE WARNED!''

And I fall on my knees once again, my vocal cords torn away.

I don't know what to do, I just know that I need to see her.

Dammit.

***

As I rush my self towards home and park the car to the garage, I am welcomed with the deafening music coming up from the house.

So I guess the party has started. I shake my trembling hands and look at my reflection on the car's tilted window. I try my best in looking as normal as one can be. It seems like an impossible task. My hair is a mess and my eyes hold the evident of many tears in their redness. I slowly walk upstairs.

''Natsuki!!''

Mai welcomes me by throwing herself on my neck and I smile my best.

''I see you're already drunk.''

''And I see you are not. Where were you?! We've been waiting for you!''

''Oh, I was over at Saika's, you know the old lady, she can't have enough of me..''

I give a handsome smile and the dim light of the house help my cause in hiding my feelings. I look around to find the house look nothing like when I left it. All those boxes were full of decorations and lighting systems I guess. Nao clearly bashes out in style. Heh.

''Where are the others?''

Where is Shizuru is what I mean to say.

''Oh Nao was here a second ago but I think she is out there scoring another model over to her agency, my supposed boyfriend is late due to some meeting and I believe Haruka and Shiz just went out to the balcony.'' She informs me dutifully and I give her a kiss on the cheek and motion my self towards the bar.

''I'll get a drink and find you ok?''

''Okay Natsuki!''

I walk around the huge house filled with women and men of every delicacy. Nao surely knows all the people with right proportions. The music is way too loud for my taste, so I walk towards the balcony. At least that is my excuse.

I walk closer to the thin glass separating me from her, but have a hard time doing so. All the women around me are also perfect in finding excuses to talk to me. I politely shake the last one off, and the person I was looking for appears in front of me. She is sitting with her back turned towards me and Haruka is busy saying something to Shizuru and so I escape their eyes.

Of course I had forgotten all about the Haruka factor.

I sneak closer towards them. And I can hear them now, as I prepare to interrupt them, my body stops abruptly.

''What are you afraid of Shizuru?! Spending more than two consecutive nights with the same woman? Or finding out this thing might not be as crazy as it seems?!''

''Haruka... I-''

''Shizuru Fujino! I do not know what you are afraid of, I don't know what you're running away from. Damn it woman all I know is that I WANT TO KNOW! I want to be the one! Let it go Shizuru! You and your friends have been playing these stupid games, and the only way for me to get close to you was through those games! But I want all of you!''

''Ha-''

''Don't cut me woman! This is important! I know you're hiding yourself from me, do you think I did not know you sneak out of the bed?! Every time I do everything in my power for you not to leave, but every time you leave me behind! I do not want to be your body warner!''

''Haruka meant body warmer?''

''You know what I meant!''

I feel my heart do somersaults. Cut her Natsuki! Don't let her talk! Don't dammit!

''Fujino, I love you!''

''I love you too Haruka.. and I am sorry if my actions have trouble you. It was not my intention to do so.''

''Then marry me!''

''WHAT?''

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!

''SHIZURU FUJINO MARRY ME! I will be the best bride or husband or whatever it is called, I will be the best of it! I want to spent my days making you happy! Making you smile!''

Haruka had jumped to stand in front of her and then she bend on one knee, taking out a ring from her pockets. WHAT THE DAMMIT?! SHE FUCKING PLANNED IT?!

''Don't run anymore Shizuru, there is no place left to run. Let me be the one to mend you of whatever it is you're hurt from..''

Me. She is hurt from me. I drink the tears forcing to come out. I can't.

This must be a sign. Didn't I say I want her to be happy... I only made her cry, I'll only make her cry.

I want to stop them. I want to scream!

Then what Natsuki? What will happen to Shizuru when you leave this world... stop you fool. Stop and let her be happy.

Say yes Shizuru.

Say No.

''I don't know Haruka. This is all too sudden..''

''Then think about it. We shall be engaged to be engaged! Please!''

Shizuru does nothing, and her head falls down. I can see Haruka cracking her neck to see her face but failing to do so, instead the blond lion is biting her lips waiting in panic.

Shizuru only nods her head slowly...

The sign to end all my short hopes.

''Congratulations.''

Both heads shot up to look at me.

One grinning, one...

Is she crying?

* * *

Like it? Then review it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright a new chap! Hope you guys like things so far... Yes we have a new character Mei Ren, and yes she is the one and only from 'dance in the vampire bund.' Since I like her a lot I decided to give her a small side role, don't really know what the future will bring for her but it will all go good I think. **

**Thank you thank you thank you for all the reviews, and a special thank you to all those who actually take their time and write me a whole page of reviews! I find myself laughing and enjoying writing this story thanks to you guys!**

**Well enough of me talking... enjoy! ^^**

**

* * *

**

''Congratulations..''

''Natsu..ki?''

She has a shocked face, her mouth slightly agape.

''Natsuki Come'ere! We are engaged!'' the lioness raises herself and eagerly informs me with a beaming smile. But I do not look at her. My eyes only see Shizuru. I know that I am not smiling. I know that I am wearing my mask that I perfected over the years. I can feel the tiny cracks forming, but I try hard to stand my façade.

''No.'' I turn and look at Haruka. ''You are engaged to be engaged. But Omedeto nonetheless.''

Haruka doesn't get it. Only nods in glee.

''Natsuki...''

It's that voice. That almost whisper of my name.

I look at her face once more. A single tear shining on her perfect skin.

I walk over to her with a half smile I can manage. Her hands grip the chair she is sitting on. Her knuckles turn white. She looks up to me with the darkest shade of red as I stand inches away from her.

''Baka. Why are you crying..'' My fingers reach to the single tear, and my fingertips absorb her only hesitation, her only torment in one single motion.

There is a story about the Greek Gods. They were bored, so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love. Then they weren't bored any longer, so they decided to try to love for themselves.

And finally, they invented laughter.

So they could stand it.

And I smile my best, while she only looks. Many more tears ready to fall.

My world becomes dark, and I feel my body fall.

* * *

Long ago in the folly of the youth, three girls met each other. One was the night, the other was the sun, and the third was the earth.

At first there was Sun. In the black vast cosmos, she stood alone. She could not approach other suns for one always ate the other. She looked in envy to all that attracted many stars and planets. But she also knew better. That nothing surrounding them had life in it.

She waited in the dark, shining, burning, waiting...

Then, the sun met the earth. The earth was mesmerizing for it occupied life. It was the only thing that had the essence of vitality in it. Soon they become the perfect duo. The sun fed the earth and the earth gave reason to sun's existence. But then, they realized they were too perfect. They needed balance. They knew if there was only two, soon the sun would burn the earth and when the earth would die so would the sun.

Their silent prayers were answered by the Gods. Sun and earth met the night. The night balmed all the scars in their friendship. When the sun erupted in frenzy, the night wrapped sun and protected the earth. The sun became dependent on the night, more and more, and the earth was left to watch from the sides. The earth watched them in envy, but knew better not to claim the night. For if the night became the earth's, she knew the sun would not survive.

For a short period the cycle turned in harmony. But one day, the sun no longer able to held it together, exploded. It was the one day night was away, not able to calm down the sun. It was the one day earth was away, not able to plead her peace.

When the sun disappeared, the night and earth mourned. The night no longer had anything to shine on her, and the earth to feed life in to her. Earth remaining life in it, stood still but the night was not strong as the earth. And so, the earth did everything in her power to held night together. She took the night by her side, and didn't leave her even for the shortest glimpse.

But it became too much for the earth. The night had wrapped earth, suffocating it, killing it bit by bit. She sucked and absorbed any beam left by the sun on the surface of earth. The earth knew this could not go on. It wasn't that she minded the slow death being delivered by the night, but the fact that she knew when she lost the last drop of life in her she would disappear also, never to see night again. So she made a decision, she called upon the other suns and asked for their help. The suns agreed to the earth's deal for the night was desired by all.

The night was called to the farther reaches of the cosmos, but she refused the call. She couldn't let go of the earth, for she had become attached. The earth explained the night that it would do them both good, the night would heal elsewhere and the earth would stood still waiting for the night to come back. Night reluctantly obeyed earth's wish and left.

Unknown to Night, the earth could no longer hold. The night had sucked everything inside of her, and when she had left, the fire on the earth's core had burnt down.

And so when the night had gone away, the earth had lost it's color.

From then on, the Gods gave earth a new name;

The Moon.

My lids apart to let bright sunshine in. I look around the blurry room I occupy in a horizontal position. I must laying on the bed. I try to raise myself but the sudden strike of a headache stops me midway.

''Oh, so you've woken up.''

Like the camera lens, my eyes focus out the blur only to find a stranger looking at me with raised brows. I certainly haven't seen her before.

''Who are you?''

I try to raise again on my right elbow and look around me. My head hurts like a bitch. I am in my room, but where is everyone? What happened? Where is Shizuru?

''Mei Ren.'' I look back at her. ''I'm Shizuru's neighbor, and apparently the closest person near by with appropriate medicine.''

I try to raise a bit more, now sitting on the bed. My hand travels to the source of my pain, my forehead to be exact, only to find it bandaged.

''I always thought people in Tokyo never get to know their neighbors.''

''A joke? And with a drop of sarcasm? My my, it's nice to see you've healed up.''

''Yea, I feel fine.''

I look at the figure in front of me once again. I think she is only couple inches shorter than me. Her hair dark as mine, and her eyes a shade lighter green. I guess this is a neighborhood for the selected genes.

''Well I should call on the others, they were insanely worried. I had to give them sedantries just to have them stay still and let you sleep. Only after four pills I was able to make them take a nap.''

''Oh. Sorry to worry you all. How long had I been out?''

''For half a day. Doctor's prescription is to rest. So rest. ''

''I'm fine now.'' I try to furrow my brows but it hurts like hell. It must have been from the fall or of course maybe I'm just dying. Who really knows, and what difference does it make.

''Oh, hold it there, we need to change it.''

I guess it is not wise to furrow your brows when they had just got stitched.

''I'll cleanse the wound but it might sting like crazy.''

''I have a feeling you're the kind of girl who would have the meanest of medicines in her cabinet.''

She certainly does give a dangerous carnal aura.

'' They way I see, the more it stings the better it is. So suck it up.''

''Yea yea.. Thanks though. I'm Natsuki by the way. Natsuki Ku-''

But the damn woman made me swallow my sentence only to blurt out;

''OOUCH-!! Jesus what the fuck is that?!''

''Natsuki!''

It's Mai's voice. My whining is heard. Great.

''Oh, don't be such a cry baby, it was only a tiny flesh wound.''

''Happens to be my flesh.''

''Well, good job Natsuki Kuga. You've woken them up from a bottle of sedantries. And I know who you're. You're also the dumbest person I met or should I say heard about. ''

I look at her pretty dumbfounded as Mai, Nao and Haruka rush into the room. Shizuru is the last one to arrive.

''Although Shizuru was right when she said you were gorgeous.''

My attention turns once again to the newly met stranger and her whispered words as she raises herself up from my bed side.

''Well, your friend of a patient has a skull thick as plywood. I guess she should be okay.''

''Thank you Ren.'' Mai and Nao both look up to the young woman with respect and I only look one face to another, avoiding the one I wish to look at most.

''You are lucky we had the best Doctor in town just a lawn away Blue. How are you?''

Oh, so she is the doctor.

''I.. feel fine thanks.'' I put on a half smile.

''We were worried sick Natsuki! You just collapsed out of nowhere.''

''Yea, I guess I drank more than I could handle.''

They nod in mutual acceptance of my excuse.

''As you can see she is fine. I am more worried for you guys. So let's prepare some breakfast shall we, and let our patient rest.'' Mei Ren instructs them all to leave the room and one by one they reluctantly do so. Ren stops near Shizuru and touches her arm, two woman look at each other and as one turns to leave she gives me a wink.

We are alone. She and I.

She walks closer to my bed side but I can sense the caution in her steps. My body already feels like an iceberg drifting in a lava sea.

''How are you really?''

''I'm fine Shiz. It would take more than your mother's wine to take me out.'' I joke.

Yes it takes more, like shall we say fucking brain tumor?! I would say so.

I smile warmly at her worried face. And I can guess she is battling over emotions, I am pretty sure she is blaming herself on some subconscious level but she shouldn't. You only gave me happiness Shizuru, while I only gave pain.

''I'm glad that Natsuki is fine. I was worried.''

''I am the one worrying. I'm sorry I had to pass out after such wonderful news.''

She looks at me in confusion for a second, but she knows what I'm talking about the very next.

''Don't. You are more important than anything.'' She takes my cold hand in her warm one, and it creates a tsunami inside me.

''You're for me too, so allow me to worry some?'' I squeeze her hand and look at her eyes.

''Hai, if Natsuki wishes so..'' And finally I can see a ghost of a smile on her features.

''Natsuki wishes so. Now help me raise myself, let's go have breakfast.''

I try to raise myself and her arm sneak around my waist in seconds. I turn my face sideways a little surprised only to find hers inches apart. We stop in the little of raising me, our eyes locked on each other. She breaks our contact only to look lower and I can feel my heart drum like crazy. I look at her lips in reflex as well, and look up to meet her eyes in a second as she does so. Her face comes closer and I can go deaf from the percussion symphony my heart conducts.

Hooly..!

My eyes close as hers come closer. I anticipate the warm sensation in the vast darkness. And it comes. Only not on my lips as I wished for the dear life in me, but rather on my nose..

I open my eyes in a shocked manner to find her smiling warmly.

''Natsuki should be more careful from now on. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to her.''

You are friends Natsuki remember? You fucking idiot.

Yes she loved you before, but that was when you were young. She can't possibly hold the same feelings. You never thought of that did you?

You're an idiot.

''I guess you should keep an eye on me nonetheless.'' I try and make a joke and look back reflecting her warmth.

''Ara, what a splendid idea!'' She helps me raise and I let go of her help. ''I think I should watch over when you shower today, just in case as you said so.''

''Shizuru!!''

You are like a fly Shizuru, whose kiss stings unbearably...

* * *

1 MONTH LATER

''Freakin' paparazzi. I swear to God they don't even leave to pee!''

I can't believe it. It happened a month ago, during our late breakfast when our peace got pissed in it with a single shutter sound. And a month later those mother fuckers all camped outside in shabby tents to capture the hottest couple about to hitch in town.

Great. Just great.

''Well she may be a thumping bore but she is the hottest model believe it or not. And well, even if it wasn't Haruka, just Shizuru getting married is enough juice for the tabloids for a decade.'' Nao shrugs beside me as we look down from the second floor porch of Shizuru's villa.

Of course, you've earned more money in a month than you did your entire PR career my dear friend.

''Yeah all thanks to you oh great Yuuki-sama.''

''Why thank you blue, I like to think so myself..'' she gives a sly grin to my obvious displeasure.

''Is that what they call being the architect of your own demise Red?'' I tease her, and I guess it can be counted a little merciless but I'm really not in the mood so..

''Oh please Natsuki. I knew Shizuru and I would never be together. I simply enjoyed being infatuated by a woman like her. A girl needs an idol to look up to in her younger days and Shizuru was just it. I confess I did harbored pretty intense things when we were in college. But you are forgetting one thing.''

She looks in my eyes and I reflect in confusion. I didn't expect my little chit chat to turn semi-serious.

''What?'' I ask genuinely as she lights a cigarette. It has been a month but she and I hadn't discussed her feelings on the predicament since she seemed to glow with the thoughts of future earnings the news would surely bring.

''That was because she wasn't my friend. I admired her from afar, and had fallen in love from the short interacts I had with her whenever I hang with you three. But it was you three'' she puts an emphasis on the three as she continues, puffing out the smoke from her mouth only to catch it back with her nostrils. I can't help but remember when she had picked up that certain habit because she thought it was cool. And I agreed it did look so.

''When.. you know.. after Alyssa... it was then that you came back to us Natsuki, and with Shizuru by your side. And when you left, you left her to us. That's when I saw the real Shizuru, and soon I found myself yearning for her friendship rather than her body. She is a admirable one, that woman. Although I would fucking rip your guts if you ever told her these.'' She looks at me with playful threatening eyes.

''Ne Nao..''

She looks at me with a smile, expecting my question.

''What is the real Shizuru like?'' I ask as my head looks down at the sea of cameras, but I look beyond them, into the nothingness.

''Don't you know it better than anyone else?'' she raises her brow, I don't have to look. I know. That brow always raises itself with that tone of voice.

''I thought I did. But lately I think I've never even began to see.''

Then something I sure as hell didn't expect happens.

''Huh. So you've finally came out.''

''Wha-''

''Shut up Natsuki. I make money putting up masks on people. Making them appear what they are not. So it would not be bragging when I say I am the best in town to read people. Although it doesn't really take a pro to see this through. I'm only glad you came to your senses.''

I'll be fucking damned, if I am not already.

When I was in America, I met a woman who had told me the most amusing thing I've ever heard from a stranger.

''You know the 5 stages of death?'' she asked, and I had wanted to reply 'I can guess,' put kept my mouth shut as I let her continue.

''Well, coming out to the person you love also has certain stages. First you have to admit to yourself that you are indeed in love with... fill in the blanks for me darling. Two, you have to admit it to someone close you. Just one person, because you're sure they are going to turn them against you. Three, then you admit to someone else- sometimes a perfect stranger because that's safer darling, than friends or heaven forbid family. Because vocalizing it to your family darling, being the fourth stage it is, is always the biggest hurdle. If it does not go horrible by some miracle ( and may I say for most people it does) you start becoming more comfortable with the whole thing, until the final stage;

Acceptance.

That there is a very high percentage working against you. And you will never be the charming prince to your damsel in stress.''

I only look at Nao as I find myself remembering that bizarre woman who stench of alcohol and perfume.

Did I admit to myself?

Yes,. Indeed I am in love with my best friend Shizuru Fujino.

Did I admit to someone close to me?

Yes, to . Only to find her using my confession against me to take action.

Did I admit to a stranger?

Yes,. Actually she was the first one I had admitted, that brown haired bizarre woman whose name escapes my mind.

Have I admit to my family?

''I don't have a family.'' Thats what I had told that woman. I did not have mother or father, so I would never know the pleasure of their reaction even if it may be horrible, who knows..

''But you do have someone you count as family don't you?'' was what the woman's reply.

And now months later my family is telling me she already knew it.

I look back at Nao as she has been calling out my name, snapping her fingers to get my attention. I wake up from my thoughts and look at the familiar light green whom I am thankful for having in my life.

I smile.

''Nothing escapes you huh..'' I say with a blush as I turn my face back to the outside giving a half sad yet genuine laughter.

''The day it escapes means I'm out of shape.'' She shrugs back.

''Whatever Red. Falling in love with your life long best friend is something that escaped me until a few months how is it you know before me for damns sake.''

But she turns to me abruptly adorning a shocked face which I do not expect.

''Hold-it-there.'' She grabs me from my arms. ''Did you.. umm just said what you think you said?''

Umm what did I say? Other than what you guessed?

''What did I say?''

''You know.. the part you said you fell in love with your... best friend.''

There is a pause until she starts shaking me.

''Oh oh oh Shit mother of God's!! Oh the glory of Venus's vagina! You're in love with her?!''

What the hell?

''Wha- but I thought you-''

''I only presumed you were jealous of losing her! Not be in love with her! This is just priceless!!''

CRAP. Don't fucking shout it idiot!

''Bu-but. Dammit weren't you supposed to be pro at fucking reading people?!''

She lets go of my arms and looks at me sympathetically. I can feel my face reach a new shade of red which I am pretty sure Shizuru never was able to get out of me. Thanks lords she is not near by to witness.

''Oh blue! But.. I don't know you were always like the two pieces of an apple, I just never guessed or perhaps always presumed there was love between you two. I just didn't expect things this way.''

Two parts of an apple alright. The apple of the witch in Snowflake, and thus I am the poisoned side.

''This is just great.'' I sigh.

So Nao didn't even have a clue and my idiot self blurted out the whole picture. Just great. I did not expected the arms that wrapped me the very next. I crack my neck to my right to see Nao looking back at me.

''I'm here Blue. We'll be fine.''

What is there to say really. And don't tell this to any one else but her arms give me the comfort I've been yearning for a month.

''I know Red.''

We don't need to speak anymore. We've always understood each other without the need of words. And this certain slice in time only proved it once again.

Last stage; Acceptance.

Shizuru Fujino is soon to become Shizuru Suzushiro.

''Hey Natsuki maybe we should get married.''

And a smile forms on my face once again.

''We'd be like cats and dogs.''

''Oil and water?'' she retorts.

''More like sand paper and bare ass.'' I laugh and snort at the same time.

Yes, not many people know this but from time to time my laughter resembles one's of a pig's.

''That's gross blue. Thats just gross. But you ring true like good china.''

I love my friends who are also my family. And I love Nao who always seem care-free and has the trademark aura of ı don't give a shit. But behind that care-free exterior lies a true friend who will be on your side on your worst day, and even put a smile on your face.

''Natsukiiiii! Naooo! The dinner is ready!'' Mai shouts from inside.

''Haii!'' we shout back in sync.

She throws her cigarette onto the paparazzi and we turn to go back in the house.

It's been a month, and Shizuru decided she wants Mai to live with us in the coming months. It's been pretty hectic with media breathing on her neck and Mai is not the one to let down such an offer. In a couple of months Mai will be handling the catering of the wedding while Nao attends to everything related with the media. Many more of our old friends are destined to come by. And what is my job in this whole cabaret you ask?

I'm the maid of honor of course.

Although no way in hell will I wear a dress.

No way.

Anyways, I'm hungry. Peace out.

* * *

''How great is it for you that I'm not intimidated by your brilliance?''

''Ara, very I would say.'' She lets go of the phone and raises herself from her chair, giving me a bright smile.

I grin like an idiot. I am currently standing in Shizuru's office situated on the top floor of Fujino enterprises. And I have just witnessed her little chat with another company only to once again witness how she became a tycoon in such a short time.

''Well if everything is set here shall we go fool around like you wished so ojou-sama?'' I ask in a mocking tone as I see her crimson eyes shine with glee.

''Mou Natsuki, you talk like I forced you to come.''

''Well calling me just to give an address and a time isn't exactly asking someone of their free time Shiz.''

''But I never get to see Natsuki lately! And whenever I want to hang out with my Natsuki, she seems to be mysteriously busy...''

Ano... Yeah, I was trying to be discreet. Being by her side pains me what can I say. Guilty as charged.

''Don't put the blame on me.'' But of course I'll put the blame on her hectic schedule and the media.

''Hai, hai. So where will Natsuki take me?'' She doesn't care to further investigate my excuses, perhaps because this is the first time we'll be able to hang out just the two of us.

''I dunno. Come on let's go, we'll figure it out on our way.''

Dying from the scorching sweaty heat we ended up picking some italian way gelato and found ourselves taking a stroll down the deck. Yeah there may be pollution and the sand may be gray, it is Tokyo after all, but I don't think I've been happier. And she seems relax and happy, so ı guess my choices were a success.

''Shizuru what are you doing?''

''Ara, I believe this horizontal position where one's body is in a intimate relation with the ground is called lying down.'' I roll my eyes a whole 360. Plus, we are a little too close to the water for my liking. She will get wet any second.

''Thank you for the description baka. You'll have sand all over you.''

''But it feels nice. Natsuki should try it as well.''

''No way in hell am I getting sand all over my body. It feels like being attacked by an army of ants.'' I roll my eyes once again but stop mid-point when I realize the sham about to take place.

Hold it there. No way are you gonna use that old tactic Shizuru Fujino.

''Oh don't you dare fake-cry!''

God damn it! This is the very strategy even the greatest actors couldn't master; one fake sobbing of Shizuru Fujino that will make you end up on your knees and beg to do whatever she wished so.

''Ara, I am not. I just got something in my eye.'' I know she is grinning like he devil inside but if you could just see her face at this very moment you would think she is the most heart broken girl that ever existed holding an ice cream.

''There is nothing wrong with your eye. You're crying to try and soften me up!''

''So not true. Natsuki is cruel.''

''It won't work anymore Fujino! I'm too though!''

Yes, yes. We all knew I would end up lying on the sand, itching from the hypothetical ant army. But who am I to defy her wishes after all.

''Sleep with your lights on white devil. Your time is coming.''

''Ara, whatever is Natsuki implying?''

''Whatever Shiz.''

We both look at the once blue sky which is changing in a purple hue. The sound of the ocean fills me with ease and I can only wish time would stop this very instant and we would froze lying next to each other, in content. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead, ı crack my head to the left and lift my lids, and all is born again in chestnut colors. Sometimes I think I made you up inside my head. That everything is a dream, and I am to wake up very soon.

She turns to see what I'm looking at only to find my emeralds locked on her. Sometimes I wonder if she ever suspects anything. I mean day and night I find myself dazing off to her face and however much may I try to be discreet all my plans get washed away the second my eyes are set on her. When it happens I get lost, not caring if anyone might notice... It just happens that way.

She looks at me slightly confused with my serious face, and it is when I am met with crimson that I notice what I've been doing once again. Think Natsuki, think of something to say. Preferably something clever.

My hands automatically reach for her face and stops to pick an eyelash sitting on her pretty face.

''You got a little eyelash right there, gonna make a wish?''

She is surprised and for a second but gives her warm smile the very next.

''OK'' she whispers and makes a thinking pose looking up the sky, then turns to nod like a little girl, and I blow the lash off my finger with all the oxygen I can muster. It flies off to grant her wishes..

Splash!

''Crap!''

''Ara!! That was so fast!''

Shizuru jumps in happiness while I curse and look at my wet body. She didn't possibly...

''You wasted your wish on us getting soaked?!'' I exclaim in utter disbelief and her laughing face only certifies my suspicions.

''But it was worth it.'' I jump on my feet mimicking her, and realize what she means or teases when I look down on my soaked body, my clothes gummed on to me.

''Youu little devil! Come heree!'' I thin my lids and lung towards her as she starts laughing like a villain and starts running.

Yes I'm mad. But I'm also intoxicated with mirth.

We probably look like six years old but I don't give a fuck, yet I certainly didn't expect Shizuru to be a freakin marathon athlete. 10 minutes of running and I still haven't caught her.

I had to halt when I crushed a little girl's sand castle,

''Gomen little one!'' Shit. I don't know what to do as I fall down on my knees and help the clearly unhappy girl save her now in pieces castle. She is on the verge of tears so I became a great architect in minutes and re-do the little princess' castle.

''Look look it's okay. I'll even make a bigger one next to it! I swear! Look it will be your ball room! You know when your castle holds parties and stuff!'' I'm mumbling nonsense, forgetting all about Shizuru and focusing on the task in front of me.

''You will?''

''YES!''

The little blond stops to give me a small smile, knowing she got a good deal out of the mess. She hands me a bucket and instructs me to fill it with sand, and I comply in seconds.

''Now put it upside down.''

''Like this?''

''Hai.''

After ten minutes we both look proudly on our handiwork. Damn I make awesome sand castles.

''Thank you onee-sama!'' the girl jumps on my arms to give a hug and I fall back laughing.

''It's all right princess, I'm sorry once again.''

''I'll go get my toys!''

She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and I pat her head in return smiling like an idiot. Though I have a feeling I am forgetting something.

''Ara...''

Riiight.

I turn to find Shizuru watching me from a little distance afar.

''Umm, I kinda destroyed her castle.. So you know..''

She only nods in approval and smiles at me.

''Natsuki's been the perfect prince.''

''Hehe..''

I rub my neck in embarrassment looking up to the woman standing in front of me now. She is close once again, and if I wasn't sitting I would have fallen on my ass anyway. She lowers her body and jumps on me unexpectedly, her arms circling my neck. And down I fall whole body, right next to my castle.

''Natsuki's way too cute for her own good.'' She murmurs to my now muddy shirt and I instinctively wrap my arms around her, holding her chestnut locks with one hand.

''I'm not cute. I am awesomely cool.'' I can feel her grinning to my doesn't move and for all the love in me I do not want her too. Plus, pay back can be a bitch.

She raises her self in alert, her hands rushing to her back and I take the moment to raise up and start running.

''Sorry Shiiiz!''

I can see her shocked face realizing the amount of wet sand poured inside her shirt. O-ow. She has that scary face, I better start jogging faster... Run Forrest Run! And so I ran faster than Forrest Gump...

While the child within us were having fun, we had no idea our small time together would trigger so many events in the near future, probably because we had not noticed the paparazzi hiding somewhere recording our every move.

Everything began with the tabloids of the very next day...

* * *

**Like it? Than review it! ^^**


	6. Chapter 6

I know it's been a while, sorry guys, it's just that it's the end of the year and college life gets pretty hectic around these times. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. And thank you all so very much for the nice reviews, when they pop up in my mailbox ı find myself writing ^^

Anyways enough babbling, here you go!

* * *

''Where is the forgiveness you promised me!''

''WHAT FUCKING FORGIVENESS! WHERE IN BETWEEN? WHILE YOUR TONGUE EXPLORED HERS OR WHILE YOU TOOK YOUR SWEET TIME PARTING HER LEGS!''

''Well I would have been parting yours if you were here!''

And there it is. The sly, vengence filled side, reflecting in that little smile of hers. With just one smile she changes from the woman I came to love, to a woman I detest. I hate her. With all my heart.

Smack.

A slap.

Smack.

Another Slap.

And then another, and another... Although the last four were directed to her body than her face.

I had never hit a woman before.

But she always takes many firsts out of me. Whether by love- whether by force, in the end she always makes me do what I never imagined to do.

''SUKI STOP!''

And I freeze as she rushes into the room and throws her arms around me.

''Don't stop me Shizuru.'' I murmur, my mind blank with cocktail of feelings.

''Suki stop she is lying!''

And I do stop. I stop everything.

''Wha-?'' I look between the two blond woman. One holding onto my body afraid of what might happen if she lets go, and the other which has fallen to our bed due to me.

''L..ying?'' Why? How?

Why would someone lie to have had an affair? Why would someone lie about sleeping with somebody else if they did not?

Who in their right mind...

Oh.

Of course.

That someone would have to be 'someone-in-the-right-mind.''

And my girlfriend of many months is certainly not.

''B..but w-why? Why Alyssa?'' I look at her lying form trying to find at least a drop of logic to her actions.

''Why?'' she looks at me and I'm taken back by the devilish glance thrown to me.

Who is this woman?

''Why you wonder, but more importantly Natsuki, weren't you happy a minute ago? While you were hitting me didn't you feel relieved?''

What? NO! NO! NO!

''What the fuck ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!'' Shizuru's hold on me tightens and right now her arms are the only thing that holds me together.

''You enjoyed it!'' she spits in venom.

''Alyssa that's enough!'' This time it's Shizuru's thundering voice that halts our actions as we just stand there looking at each other, panting in sync. It is a fucking weird scene let me tell you.

It is not everyday you learn your girlfriend is cheating on you, only to learn after confronting her that she is in fact not cheating on you. Wierd? Yes. Fucked up? Hell yes.

She speaks once again, the color of her eyes dims, and I know she is coming back to her senses.

''Baby you don't have to act anymore.'' Alyssa softly murmurs, with tear filled eyes.

She rises herself to a sitting position, and her demeanor changes to a soft and caring one that I came to love with all my heart and body.

She is my Alyssa once again.

''I know I'm driving you insane. Both of you. And believe me when I say I am sorry... I just.. I just don't want you two to suffer anymore.''

I am sad. Angry. Frustrated.

I want to cry. But Natsuki Kuga never cries.

Well she never cried before a certain platinum blond invaded her whole universe.

''And so you think of breaking up me with a fucking idiotic sham? I love you woman! Did you really thought it'd be that easy! BAKA!''

Her eyes widen with realization as she snaps her head to look at me. I free myself from Shizuru's arms and throw myself at her feets, holding onto her with all the power within me...

* * *

''Ne Natsuki, tell me about your dad?'' those crimson orbs look at me and I have no idea what to feel. Because the moment I start feeling, is the moment I loose control between my lust for selfish happiness and my conscience.

''He was a lot like me I suppose. Black hair, flat chest.'' I give a toothy grin and she gives out the most melodic chuckle anyone has ever heard. We are sitting on the deck, waiting for the goosebumps. To shiver from the chill air... Till that, we'll sit. Today might have been the best day I've spent in years, and I dread the time when Shiz will ask to go back home. So far she hasn't though.

And I'm loving the fact that the right side of my body is in full contact with her left. No, I do not smell the refreshing ocean, neither do I realize the soothing smell of the beach or the lingering scent of the sun around us.

There is only one thing I'm aware of;

Shizuru Fujino is no longer a girl. She no longer smells like the girl I used to know. It has changed into something more mature, more seductive and intense. I have no idea how to start defining it. And I'm currently thinking of all the words in my vocabulary while her gaze is locked on the purplish horizon in front of us.

''My dad,'' she starts, her gaze looks down at the sea below our feet.

Maybe I should leave figuring out the formula for now. After all what are the lonely nights in your bed, if not for idly thinking over the scent of the woman you love.

''I remember him getting these far-off looks in his eyes and he would say 'Shizuru, my child, life doesn't always turn out the way you plan.' I thought he was talking about mother. I just wish I'd realized, he was talking about my life...'' and she looks back up to the sky while her legs swing back and forth in leisure.

Shizuru's father. A character which I do not know much about due to lack of information. What was making Shizuru talk about her father now?

''What do you believe to have gone wrong Shizuru?'' I furrow my brows in confusion, wanting her to explain her enigmatic little speech. I wish to know what she wanted in this life that she didn't get.

Could it be me? But you have me Shizuru! It's just... you can't have me.

You shouldn't have me.

''My father always preached that childhood is the happiest time of one's life. But you know Natsuki, I think he was wrong. I believe he said those words because he had mother by his side when I was a child. And even if mother had been inside her closet until father died, she thought he didn't feel. But he did. And that was why he always preferred to talk about my childhood. It pained him to talk further.'' She gives a weak smile and looks at me while I only murmur her name.

''I believe mother was right. She once said, childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome... She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. She wished for me to remember when I would find myself at a new beginning... that I should give hope a chance and float...''

She continued and I remained silent even after she stopped speaking. Her words were running, walking, storming inside my head.

It had started rather scary in the most awesome way and it had ended sad with a soul rip. But did we end Shizuru? Did we end as well? Could we not be at a new beggining, scary as hell..?

''Ara, I think I am mumbling rather incohorent thoughts to Natsuki.'' Her chirpful voice lightens our mood in an instant yet I don't know how to respond.

''No. They are pretty true to life thoughts if you ask me. Though I'm surprised as to wonder where they come from... Is it umm... about the- you know..'' and I cough like a coward before continuing,

''the wedding?'' my hand grabs the back of my neck and starts massaging the base.

''Oh.'' She says, not expecting the subject of her supposed marriage coming up. Neither did I as a matter of fact. For whole month I haven't discussed the wedding with Shizuru and avoided the topic at all costs whenever I can.

It hurts ladies and gentleman. Fucking forgive me if it seems insensitive.

''I am not sure. Maybe.. I guess.'' It's more of a whisper and it is not like her. She usually has a concrete idea about everything after all. But how much do I know her really? Considering the things I learnt in only a month, my relationship with her of many years seem such stranger memories.

''Ano Shiz... Can I ask you something?''

Am I really gonna ask this?

Are you one hundred percent sure you want to hear her reply Natsuki Kuga?

No.

''Ara, Natsuki should know she can ask me anything.'' But as if she feels what is coming, she doesn't look at me. Sure she has the same warmth in her sentence but somehow she looks down at the sea as if not wanting to hear my next words. Or maybe I am just thinking that because I don't want to talk this with her.

Or maybe it is all because the warmth of her body left me, and I'm hating the wind that flows between our bodies.

''You never mentioned Haruka.'' Here you go Ms. Smart Ass, you'are right! Your tumor is not enough, torture yourself some more! Hallelujah!

''I mean, it was a pretty big surprise to witness it first hand actually.'' I give a childish little smile as I keep on going for my doom, one word at a time..

''I mean you know, we talked perhaps 4 times a week and not once had I known you were dating Suzushiro, let alone considering her hand in marriage..''

I don't think I can talk any further. I feel my breath get caught up in my lungs.

Her brows furrow uncharacteristically and mine automatically mimick hers.

''I did not expect her to propose.'' It is a curt and protective reply.

Now that I notice she has become more reserved. Yes, she is still the crazy spontenous girl I know but the time we spent has these awkward moments where she makes me feel nothing more than a collegue. And she succeeds this with a single sentence, with just a tone of her thick Kyoto-ben. Just like now.

But this time I do not wish to take a step back. We shared our youth together, shared the best and the worst, you owe me more than this. I at least owe an explanation.

Or so I thought, once again selfishly.

''But you agreed nontheless.'' That came out faster than I intended. ''And umm.. I'm not really questioning that side of the story, I mean she looks like a cool nice gal, you know, she looks hot and looks like she cares a lot about you, really in love I would say-''

SOMEBODY JUST SHUT MY FUCKING MOUTH PLEASE!

Is it judgement day already? Is it my punishment to talk about the person I envy the most for damns sake!

''Natsuki.'' Her voice is low and it stops me right away as I look at her face and freeze.

''Hai,'' I can only whisper when I look into those eyes.

''As I have told Natsuki it was not something I had planned to occur. But lately I just realized dreams are just dreams Suki... When I look around I see not one human being happy. People are born, they have a limited amount of time going around thinking life is 'oh-so-dandy' but then,''

Her demeanor changes into a more aggressive one and I only listen to her holding my breath.

''Inevitably, tradegy strikes and they realize life equals loss.'' Her words are harsh, I am a stranger to this tone of voice, to this calm yet rigid exterior she puts on. ''The whole point of the game seems to minimize the pain caused by that equation. Some do it by having kids, some making money, some by getting wasted. I have done many things but none seem to work. And then came Haruka. So I do not know, but I have faith that ...with her it might be okay...eventually.''

HOLD-IT-THERE.

It will be okay? You are settling for an okay?

You are worth everything in this life woman!

Before I know I am standing up yelling at her with silent words. But she knows that I am yelling, because her eyes are widened and her pupils dilated, her mouth slighlty agape. I did not plan to have a little outrage either, but it seems the tumor is in control, disrupting my normal brain cycle. And it all triggered with the word 'okay.'

''How in the hell can you hope for okay Shizuru? What is okay! It's something in the middle of bad and not-so-bad! It's utter crap! Are you gonna throw the rest of your life for a gambler's luck to ''eventually'' reach _okay_? ''

The next thing was even more unexpected.

She jumped to her feet and started walking back off the deck in harsh and rapid movements, and I stood there dumbfounded.

''Shizuru wait! I DIDN-''

Oh you fucked it up real nice again Kuga.

She turns abrubtly and answers my prior confrontation with closed eyes,

''What do you know about what is okay and what is not? What does Natsuki know! What do you know about what is good for me and what is not! What right do you have to claim you know the best for me!''

My whole body is pinned and I am deaf to the world, only acute to her screams.

What have you done Kuga.

''Where were you! WHERE WAS NATSUKI! You were only supposed to go for two years! Not this! You can't tell me what is best for me when you don't even KNOW ME!''

_When you don't even know me..._ With every word, I feel barb wires wrapping my body from the inside, bleeding the blood out of my organs.

''Shi..-''

''DON'T!'' she stops me with her raised hand as her gaze falls down. She takes a deep breath, trying to get a control over her feelings. She closes her eyes yet again as she continues,''I know you mean well for me when you say those words, but Natsuki was far away, and Haruka was there. Always in the picture. I am even amazed she waited for me that long.'' Her voice breaks again and I know she is about to crack.

I am the worst person, the worst kind! The worst of of all evil! How can I still make this woman cry!

''I do not know if I love her. I do not. But I know she has the will and the means to stay by my side till I do love her and I know I eventually wil-''

''SHIZ!''

I ran and catch her as she is about to collapse on the deck. My arms surround her body in a tight embrace, pouring my love for her.

No, I can not voice out my feelings but nothing will ever keep me from showing them. Till my last breath Shizuru, I will be by your side. And I swear I won't ever make you cry again. I swear Shiz. I swear love.

I am so sorry. So ever sorry beautiful.

''I'm sorry Shiz! I'm such a fool. Gomen, I never meant to make you cry... I'm an idiot, please forgive me please...''

I rock her back and forth kissing her hair to insanity. I don't care about anything at the moment. All I want is for her to be happy, to stand up and smile at me, tease me, make an idiot out of me! Anything but a broken Shizuru...

''I'm sorry Shiz. I should have been here. I should have never left! I should have been by your side when you needed me... I should have known you wouldn't drop your mask oceans away and fly to you the moment I felt uneasy! I should have been the one- ''

Asking your hand in marriage...

''I should have been the shoulder you cry on! Please forgive me. I am the idiot of the century! Please don't cry anymore... It's okay. You'll be happy, you'll be the most gorgeous bride there has ever been! You'll be happy, everything will be alright. I swear... I'll make sure so... I'm here.''

And her broken voice stops my pathetic chanting.

''You won't leave again will you? Natsuki will not go anywhere?''

And I feel being buried six feet under five month earlier than expected. Those words hit something within me, and I know I'm shaken to my core. With what she murmurs into my chest, I feel as if cement is poured into my lungs. I feel it hardening invading the life within me.

''Never.'' I choke on my words.

''I won't leave till my last breath. You're my Shizuru. I couldn't even if I wanted to. My home and my family will always be wherever you'll be Shizuru Fujino.''

You are the still point of my turning world after all... If only I noticed it before.

She distances her self from my embrace only to look at me with those gorgeous ruby eyes. She holds a weak smile. She is so hurt, so beautiful...

I kiss her last tear from her face.

And before I know it, I dare to taste the forbidden fruit;

her lips.

She is shocked, I can feel it from the trembling stillness as I keep on moving my lips against hers. I don't want to stop. If this is the last time, I can not stop.

And what shocks me a seconds after is that she kisses me... back.

It's a scary euphoria, something like tasting heaven in hell. A cruel joke, a hallucination of my mind and I can't let it go. Because it is the only hope left within me.

I hold her tighter and feel her hands strengthen their hold on my arms. I'm scared as hell but I can't help and put my tongue out to taste her. It is a moment of life and death. You can explain a friendly kiss but what explanation will I give her when she questions me moments later? A kiss involving one's tongues has nothing to do with friendship and I'm afraid...

And I was right to be afraid because she lets me in for only a second.

A second in my life which felt like an eternity, an eternity that crumbled when she pulled herself away from me with doubtful crimson eyes.

''Na..tsu..ki?''

* * *

The next day came with a rude awakening.

Also known as the inhumane vocal cords of one Haruka Suzushiro.

I woke up to a deafning yell, unaware of the butterfly effects about to happen.

You know the saying; A massive thunderstorm in one end of the world always have it's roots in the faraway flapping of a tiny butterfly's wings...

Huh, thunderstorms alright.

''I DEMAND IT SHIZURU! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION! RIGHT NOW!''

I walk into the lounge of our villa to find all of my friends awake this damn early in the morning.

''What the hell?'' I whine rubbing my eyes unaware of whats going on. I see all heads turn to me, Nao and Mai seem to be sitting in silence while Haruka seems three times larger than she always was, hovering in front of Shizuru who has a calm look on her face.

''YOU!''

Haruka turns to me and I only acknowledge her in confusion.

''Me?''

''Haruka, this has nothing to do with Natsuki. Please leave her out of this.'' I hear her angelic voice. I wish I woke up to it every morning.

''It has everything to do with her!''

''What the hell is going o-''

I am not allowed to finish my sentence as Nao and Mai grab me from the arms and quickly walk me out to the terrace, which as it turns out, was a bad idea because the amount of paparazzis had doubled or maybe tripled and they all turned their flashes towards me.

''Shit! Lets take her to my room Mai.''

''Hai.''

I am not allowed to talk. More like nobody listens to me actually.

I am dropped on Nao's bed, which may I say is a nice king size with black sheets.

''What the hell blue? What the hell were you thinking?''

''What was I thinking about what dammit! Just tell me whats going on already!''

''This is whats going on!''

And she throws a dozen magazines to my face while I look dumbfonded. I bend to take several on my hands.

Shit.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuckidy fuck.

_**Kuga Vs. Suzushiro. IT'S WAR!**_

What the?

I look at the other headlines,

_The sophisticated Siren, once Tokyo's most eligible bacherolette has stirred the media once again with her alleged affair to Kuga, Natsuki!_

_Her career on the runway has given Suzushiro Haruka gross income of 22 million dollars but it was not enough to tie down Shizuru Fujino!_

_Suprise phenom of the glam couple Fujino-Suzushiro! Fujino re-claimed?_

_Style icon of the decade Shizuru Fujino knows what she likes when she sees it. And it seems it's none other than Natsuki Kuga she craves!_

_Whether vamping in Versace or be Japan's first lady in a coco channel, she is the glam of the glam Shizuru Fujino that everybody loves and adores. Once extra isolated beauty seemed very open and about with her hidden lover; Natsuki Kuga!_

I turn the pages to read, I know my hands are trembling.

_Shizuru Fujino is now facing tabloid speculation about her discreet love, Natsuki Kuga._

''_The most important thing is the children and what makes them happy, ''Shizuru Fujino said just a year ago in a charity against child abuse. What makes them happy? For now, the answer seems to be her new girlfriend of 24 hours, the bacherolette of the year, Natsuki Kuga! _

_Just yesterday the couple were caught having fun like kids with kids! Taking a walk by the beach on a romantic sunset, the couple were seen playing what our insider describes as ''a perfect couple on a date.'' The couple was then seen making sand castles with a 7 year old Suzuki Hakeya who when asked said, ''I love that onee-sama, she made me an awesome castle!'' The just-phenomenal-couple decided to spend their evening sitting on the deck and enjoying the view, while occasionally 'hugging' and 'kissing.' _

_These new bomb of a news arose questions in everybody's minds. What will happen to Suzushiro? Japan's hottest top model has been outmanuevered by Japan's would-be-hottest-top-model Kuga Natsuki, who as we know of now, has been a long time friend to Shizuru Fujino and just recently came back to Japan, to perhaps re-claim her love? _

_Currently no comment has been given on neither sides and the story seems one big spider web as the three has been known to be together since their college times... _

_**Wait for he inside scoops as we'll do a special report on Fujino-Kuga-Suzushiro triangle!**_

''I'm thinkin' booze.'' I say in a low voice and Nao just throws her body next to me.

''Pot.'' She curtly replies.

''Pain killers.'' I let go of the magazine.

''This is not a nice game.'' Mai interrupts just as Nao was about to reply.

I look up at my orange head and give an apologetic smile. Mai doesn't know or more like didn't know. I feel guilty that she found out about it this way.

''Mai...'' I start not able to go on.

''Hold it there Natsuki. This is no time for apologies. I wish I knew though, I thought I would be the first one you'd come to. You even let Nao know for god's sake!''

''Hey!'' Nao jumps to a sitting position while Mai just crosses her arms under her breasts, I feel like a five year old who has been caught stealing pocket money from her mother's purse.

''I'm sorry Mai, you're right.'' My eyes fell on the floor and I hid them behind my hands.

Where is my shining award for the idiot of the year?

''It's okay.'' I feel two hands softly stroking my back, and I feel Mai sitting at my vacant side.

''How bad are things?'' I ask not letting go of my hands.

''Well, '' Nao starts. ''Not that bad really. I arranged a media conference for them in about an hour. Once they are seen together, explaining you three have always been close friends so it was nothing more than an afternoon between close friends, we should be able to turn things over.. Plus it'll be good publicity anyways, and there is nothing I can't turn over you know.''

''Thanks Nao.''

''No problem blue..''

''How long has this been going on Natsuki?'' Mai asks in a delicate manner.

''For a while...'' I respond without a lie.

''What are you going to do about it?''

''Nothing.''

Mai raises her self in such an abrupt motion that I raise my head from my hands to look up at her.

''Nothing? Well, I'm so sorry Kuga Natsuki but you HAVE to do something about it! If you want her, follow her, pursue her! We shall always be on your side-''

''I can't Mai...''

''Well if you won't then you have to make other arrengements! You can't confuse Shizuru with your Russian roulette actions Suki! You have to... you have to make a choice!''

''Mai, shut up.''

It is Nao. And it is a tone I had not expected. It was said with such power that even I'm left speechless, let alone Mai who looks like she has been slapped sideways.

''Wha-''

''I said shut up. Look blue, I don't know whats keeping you, what you are afraid of. But, I-'' she stops to look at Mai with caring eyes, ''-we, will not force you to say out. You do what you think is best to do. But don't you fucking dare keep things to yourself anymore! It's ridiculous blue. Do you consider us friends for only laughter and party?''

''Of course not.''

''Then, you know where to find us, and that we'll welcome you with open arms no matter what. Well, of course not really with open arms cuz that would look lame, but you know what I mean.''

She stands up and I look around stupidly.

''There are really two choices; either we save Shizuru's marriage and hook you up with someone asap, saying you already have a girlfriend and Fujino is only a close friend, or you take action and well claim the girl for yourself. Now,''

she grabs Mai's hand and motions her to follow her out the room. Before they dissapear she turns once again to my sitting form and say,

''Make sure you tell us what ever you plan to do. We'll be downstairs.'' She moves and dissapears behind the wall while Mai stands still and looks at me with a warm smile.

''And don't worry about Haruka. Shiz handled her pretty well... I love you Natsuki, don't go ahead and do something stupid without telling us first ne? What are friends for if not your partner in crime?'' she gives a wink and leaves also, and I sink back to the bed looking at the ceiling.

Shizuru handled her well huh?

Shizuru handles everything well.

And, you Natsuki Kuga, once again were about to destroy everything she tried to build.

I let out a sigh, not knowing what to do. One thing is certain, I want to get away for a while. I pick up my cellphone and go through my namelist, my fingers stop at an eccentric choice.

I push call.

* * *

''Didn't fancy my sandwiches?''

''Don't eat fish.''

''Why not?''

''Fish piss in the sea.''

''So do children.''

''Don't eat children either.''

''But you seem very fond of them according to this picture...''

''Please Mei Ren, I came to run away from that.''

''I'm sorry, you're right. Forgive me..'' She gives a wink and I find myself smiling.

''I am right? How does those words taste coming out of your mouth?'' I tease her back while reaching for my drink.

''Like vinegar.'' I let out a chuckle while she just shrugs with a sly smile.

She takes the place next to me and we sit in silence for a while, enjoying the stillness of her garden. It is a rather exquisite one may I add.

I look at the woman lying next to me, Mei Ren turned out to be a perfect friend in this last month. You know the feeling when you acually want to get away from your friends because they know too much and it is hard to act when around them? Well, thats when I found Mei is the perfect escape, I can be myself around her without being forced to tiptoe. I don't have to smile when I'm with her, although she makes me laugh like every two minutes whether I want to or not. I'm not forced to act calm and all-dandy.. I can be just me, and it feels good.

But there is one thing about her which annoys me to death; her teases. There is so much Shizuru in her character that I have suspicions on why I like to hang around this woman.

At the moment she is dressed in adidas sweat pants and a white t-shirt. She looks so casual and natural, which are two words you don't use to usually use to define her. You can use alluring, smuldering, tempting, dangerous, basically anyting along those lines. But it seems she feels easy enough to show her lazy ass side, and that makes me rather happy.

''Umm, Mei I think that's my glass.'' I look as she picks my glass to her lips taking continous small sips from the freshly made White wine-Sake-Sangaria punch.

''I'm absolutely certain of it.''

Didn't I say there sleeps a Shizuru inside of her?

''So Natsuki, decided on your escape plan yet?''

''Nope.''

Oh, I forget to tell, it had taken Mei exactly 48 hours to know my feelings towards my best friend who is also a close friend of hers; the one and only Shizuru Fujino.

''Ne Nats, exactly what is keeping you? I'm crazy to know your idiotic reasoning...''

We became real close in this past month and that is exactly why I'm letting her call me and my reasoning idiotic. Well, I am an idiot after all, no use denying it. Anyways Mei, you wonder my reasoning? Big fucking tumor it is.

Which reminds me, I need to contact my doctor soon. Those pills ain't doin shit.

''I have my reasons.''

''Oh, the mystery... Well, I don't wanna be locked up all day, shall we go somewhere?''

''I dunno, I am not in the position to do so right now, those paparazzi are at my tail constantly.''

''Oh, yeah how did you manage to come over here?''

''I crossed a few neighboor lawns. Your neighboor on the right has kinky sex let me tell you, an image I shall never be rid off.'' I shake my head sideways doing my very best to erase the image of our friendly neighboors in a compromising situation.

She gives out a laughter and her fist punches me on the arm playfully.

''Hahaha! You know, I always wondered what that woman sees in that man!'' she continues with her laughter while I nod in affirmation.

''A princess can kiss a toad.''

''Frog.'' she corrects me for no purpose. It's our little game.

''Toad.''

''Frog.''

''Toad. Frog. Lobster. They are all the same.''

And our little chatter is cut midway when her cellphone rings, she gets up to pick it and her brow raises itself when she looks down on the caller.

''My my...'' she utters as she opens it to answer.

''Shizzy, what do I owe the pleasure?''

In an instant my ears let nature's sounds go, only to acute themselves on the conversation between Mei Ren and her.

I had left the house in an awkward manner...

* * *

I walked down the stairs to find Shizuru and Haruka sitting while Nao and Mai were bringing them drinks.

''Oh Natsuki, sorry for my earlier outburst.''

As I decend to the last stair, I look at Haruka not really knowing what to say.

''It's okay..? It turned out a mess huh?''

I look at indifferent crimson while their owner smiles at me.

''Nothing that can not be corrected.''

So that's your answer Shizuru.

''I see. When is your media conference?''

''This afternoon.'' Haruka answers quickly.

''I see.''

''There is one more thing Natsuki,'' I look at Haruka who raises herself and walks towards me.

''Yes?''

She looks at me with a serious façade, while I just stand there with my hand on my neck.

''I hope you don't take it the wrong way, but I would like you to move out of Shizuru's house.''

''Nonsense.''

Shizuru replies on my part and raises herself to appear next to me in seconds while Nao, Mai and I just watch in silence.

''I accept your explanations woman, but dammit I'm your fiancee! Won't you in the slightest regard my discomfort?''

''Haruka, Natsuki has always been by my side. Whatever Yukino was once to you, Natsuki is to me. I do not see the reason of her leaving under this roof.''

Yukino? Who was she and why does the name comes familiar? Oohh, riight. She was the girl Haruka always seemed to hang out with when we were in college.

''Yukino? Dammit Shizuru Yukino was my lover!''

''Ara...''

And we are all shocked with the incoming news.

''How can you put her and Natsuki in the same place. I dated Yukino for four years before I decided I was attracted to you and left her. Do you see her anywhere near me? No! Why? Because I have you in my life and don't wish for you to feel uneasy.''

Wait a second, did she just crossed her arms and boasted about this?

''Haruka never told me this, therefore I did not know. But Natsuki and I have been side by side for many years and I gurantee you we would be together if it was so. You have absolutely nothing to be irritated about, and I don't see a slightest reason why my best friend should leave my side just because the media wants to stir up nonsense.''

Her calm exterior leaves me speechless as I listen the nature of our relationship for her rose lush lips. We would be together if it was so huh? I really don't want to stand listening to this anymore. I really don't.

''Listen, Haruka is right. My presence will obviously give more fuel to gossips. I think it's better I check in at a hotel for a while.'' I say while not looking at her eyes.

Don't look at her eyes Natsuki, don't.

I feel her swallow a short gasp, and it kills me inside.

I turn to look at the most dissapointed crimson pit. I try my best to give a warm smile and my hands reach to hold her arms, I realize Haruka shift to a rigid posture on my actions.

''It's fine Shiz. You know, just for a while till the media looses interest.''

''But Natsuki promised.'' She has the stubborn face of a five year old.

I know the other three in the room are dying to know what I promised, but too bad.

''I know, and I'll still keep it.'' I give a wink and her demeanor eases a little bit.

''If Natsuki says so...''

Natsuki says so. Natsuki swears so.

I will always be on your side.

* * *

''Shizzy, what do I owe the pleasure?''

She nods her head, listening while her eyes turn to lock on mine. And then she gives the most sly smile I've ever seen on her face.

''Oh well, nothing really. Natsuki and I were just admiring my garden with a few drinks...''

Shit woman don't make it sound like we are doing something rather.. you know!

''Oh, I see. Well, how did the conference go?'' Whatever answer Shizuru gave, it made Mei Ren slouch in laughter.

''Ah your fianceé is one hell of a woman Fujino. Tell you what, why don't we take a little vacation at my summer house. I think everone can use a little bit of relaxing- and before you say anything, don't worry, no paparazzi can set foot in there.''

A vacation? Sounds nice. I wonder if I'm invited.

''Alright then why don't you all come over for dinner, and we can discuss it then.''

''Hai. See you sweetie.''

And she throws her phone to the cushions and walk near me, a little too close for my comfort. She bends and our noses are touching.

''You can thank me later.''

''Huh?''

And she gives her reply with a kiss. It's more like a little bite rather than a kiss as my bottom lips gets caught between her teeth for a second and then be let go.

''What was that for?'' I demand in panic as she raises back to walk inside the house.

''An early thank you gift.''

''Dammit woman don't do unexpected things!.'' I rub my hands on my arms trying to calm down my goosebumps. She only chuckles to my red face and dissapears inside the house, after saying;

''You're the boss, applesauce!''

I lift my drink and finish it with a single motion.

Couple hours later I find myself helping Mei set the table for tonight's dinner. Early on, Mei insisted I move in with her by saying it would be sheer folly to get settled in a hotel while her house had the capacity to entertain ten maybe more. To tell you the truth it didn't take me long to accept her kind suggestion. And it all had to do with staying close by to Shizuru.

I pick up our glasses and fill it with fresh mix of Mei's, I stop mid way to the couch as a teenage photo of Mei takes my interest. She stands with a huge smile while three other people hold on to her. They look drunk and happy.

''Oh, I used to go to that punk club every weekend. I was the infamous groupie of Juliet...''

For some reason I had not expected Mei Ren to be a hardcore punk, but I have to say she looked rather sexy.

''Didn't expect that.'' I say and turn my head slightly to my left. She is right behind me, and perhaps a little too close.

''I thought myself to be next Vivienne Westwood and they'd be my Sex Pistols.'' She gives a light chuckle and I join her. From a punk to becoming one of the best surgeons Japan has ever seen?

''How old is this photo?''

''Twenty years ago. How old were you?''

I notice the upcoming tease as she breaths hotly to my ear, so I decide to play along.

''Three.''

''Christ. When I was in flares, you were in nappies.''

''But my nappies were flared.''

And then we just let this absurd conversation end with a laughter and walk back to the couch to take our respective seats across from each other.

Ah it feels nice to just spend a day without thinking anything and just living.

''So Natsuki. Are you ready yet?''

Or maybe not.

''Ready for what?''

''To tell me you twos story of course.''

I did expect this actually. She's been trying to figure out our past for a month now, altough she had never taken the direct course.

''Fiction or non-fiction?'' I try and evade you question but a single glance from her stops me.

I look down and look at the soft texture of the black couch I'm currently sitting on.

The past.

Those two words automatically start the rolling of my movie. Of our movie.

Fine Mei.

You won.

* * *

My girlfriend goes by the name Alyssa Searrs.

At first you would say she is full of life, perhaps a little too much of it. In the coming months you would thank the gods for bringing such a wonderful woman into your life. You would ask yourself where in your short life did you do such good to deserve such a prize. You would think you're becoming more and more dependant on her, craving her like some drug you can't get enough of. And once again you would ask yourself, what is this woman doing by my side?

Bit by bit, as the big picture was revealed to me day by day, I realized it is not as it seems. Alyssa Searrs turned not to be an angel but a deadly siren whom tried to kill me with every passing hour, appealing to the spirit, not to the flesh. The worst kind whom you can't stop loving, and that exact love becomes the doom of you all.

I was just a foolish sailor alured by what I saw from the outside. And when I was let in on the secret that only Shizuru knew, I thought I could handle it all. I thought I could be her medicine. I could be the anchor in her life.

Again, how very foolish of me.

But we needed her to sing. Because the end of the song meant death.

Every person walks with their demons through their lives. We all have ours. But Alyssa's seemed in far greater power that neither Shizuru nor me were able prevent what we were afraid of. People have said to create Gargoyle's to fight evil with evil. And when I think about it, we were her gargoyles. Shizuru the serpent, Natsuki the wolf. But how could we fight when we are just mute grotesques carved out of stone, unable to move? She thought our presence would help her heal, but it turned out not enough.

Alyssa Searrs, a dear friend, an amazing lover, was a soul with many holes who tried her hardest to fill them...

On one ordinary friday night, when she was just six years old, her step father came to her room to tuck her in. She had asked him to tell her a story, and he had smiled, motioning her to scoot so he could join her daughter. Her little body was wrapped into a tight embrace as the story of a princess held captive in a castle unfold.

''I was happy, I was content, although I was also worried... I wanted the princess to be freed from her solitude.''

That night when the princess was saved by the charming prince, Alyssa had fallen asleep with a smile on her face.

She was too young to notice her father's actions. She thought that was how love was supposed to be.

Months had passed and years had followed. Alyssa now knew it was not love in it's purest, his father bathed her with every night. It was the sickest love of all.

Little Alyssa feared the night, for it always brought the same sound of footsteps with the same knock on the door, and the same man appearing. Almost every night he would smile at her, and almost every time she would think he loved her and that she wouldn't make her feel so uneasy. Every night she would hope that night to be different. That her father would come in, stroke her cheeks, pat her head, bid a goodnight kiss and leave. But her wishes never came true.

Every night her father became bolder with his actions.

''When I was twelve, one night I declined him. Mom was away for some company shit, and I held the courage to scream at the top of my lungs... T-that night, for the first time.. he was not gentle at all.''

The day she hit thirteen, she told her mother, standing against his father's threats. But her mother did not turn out to be her prince on a white horse. She was furious at her daughter and her nonsense allegations. Her mother had thought her daughter lived her rebellious youth in the worst manner.

Just a few months later, 'it' had happened. It had happened on broad day light, a sunny Sunday to be exact.

''It was our kitchen counter. I couldn't believe it and just stood there like a log while he had his way with me. It was our kitchen for fucks sake! Mother had to be somewhere, but I had no idea where she had gone. I just cried, and because I cried he hit me... You see.. He liked her daughter to look at him lovingly just like when I would when I was a little kid.''

I still remember her dark laughter which came after this sentence. I had shivered all over, anticipating the worst.

''And in between my tears and my bloody nose I saw it.''

She had seen it. She had seen her mother's kitchen knife set of 12.

The next thing she remember was her mother crying. And the police... Lots of them.

As she was told later on, she had not succeeded in hurting her father but only made him more aggressive. Aggressive enough to choke her to death. It was that moment that her mother had come in with the groceries. It was then that her mother threw herself on her husband. Both had wrestled on the floor while Alyssa was on the verge of passing out.

In the end by a small mistake her mother had killed her husband in self defense.

From that day on nothing was the same in Alyssa's life.

Her mother lost her mind, accusing her daughter for taking the love of her life away from her. The woman was taken away to a luxury vacation house, which in other terms meant psychatric ward for the rich. That was until one night she broke into the medicine cabinet and killed herself.

''Sometimes even I wished he was not dead. I thought a sham of a family was much better than no family... I thought.. I thought at least we always smiled during dinner. We would still have family picnics. They would be sitting in the aisles when I graduated with honor. It would be okay.. Just..it's just that my father loved me just as she loved my mother...''

It was the middle of night, we were in bed, naked, moonlight bathing us from head to toe. I wanted to know why we had stopped in the middle of making love. Especially since it started in such an animalistic way and slowly turned to a romantic one, until she just stopped and I did too when I noticed a tear rolling from her left eye.

That night I learned the demons chasing Alyssa into madness. I cradled her until she fall asleep with the first sun beams. I cooed amorously, kissed her all over...

''Sshh, I'm you family. We're each other's family...'' were my last words of comfort.

But it only got worst with the upcoming months. She would slip into frenzy sometimes two-three times a day, and I would leave whatever I was doing to run to her. In a short time I knew what I had to do when my cell would ring with Shizuru's name lighting for help. I would know that my girlfriend needed me.

I left in the middle of tests, I run away from soccer tournaments, once I even left a wedding of a family friend, in the middle of a ceremony.

And it seemed I was able to bring her back to reality, she would look at me with tearful eyes and I would know the moment her pupils focused on me, she was freed from her demons. Shizuru watched in misery, no longer able to heelp her friend but left only to watch from the sides...

When Alyssa was in a good mood it was a festival all three of us joyed in. We would get in all sorts of trouble laughing to our fullest, bathing in happiness... And everytime we would think it was left behind us, that we would just continue our lives dying from laughter.

But one night, my cellphone buzzed, and buzzed, and buzzed. I didn't hear it because I was taking a victory shower after a game which I had rocked at. After my shower I went down to the lobby of the hotel which my team and I had been staying for couple days. It was the last day of the tournament, and we were going back a trophy to brag about. I had talked to my girlfriend just after the match,

''I am proud of my woman!'' she had chirped.

''You should be! Oh man Aly you should have seen the other teams face when the ref blew the whistle and the board showed 4 to nothing!''

It was hard to hear her voice with all the noise coming around me, and the people that distracted me with pats on the back and shouts of compliments.

''I wish I could too sexy...''

''Wha' did ya say? Sorry Aly, it's too noisy here!''

''I said you better bring your sexy ass back here for an all night fornication!''

''Alyssa!''

Thank god I was running for the past 90 minutes or else my shade of red would arose suspicouns.

''Oh my virgin of a girlfriend...''

''Yes, my corrupted of a girlfriend..?''

''Just come back.''

''I think we'll head on the bus tonight Aly, I should be there to wake you up with kisses..''

''You've been gone three days, don't even think kissing me will make up for it.''

''Umm..'' I hide behind a locker and whisper my next words, ''How about breakfast in bed then?''

''Now that sounds much more appealing! Be quick woman, with Shizuru away I don't have anyone to take out my sexual inuendo!''

''Hai!''

I'm excited as hell. I want to run back home. I want to run to my home of three.

''I love you.''

Oh, it's a tone I hadn't heard for a while.

''Me too. I love you too Aly.'' I answer quickly.

All had been going good for a while, but that soft tone... I know what it means but not right now right? She is fine right?

''Well then monster, go and have group shower with your mates, get shit faced as well-cuz you earned it, and then bring your sweet body to my itching hands!''

I smile. Nothing to worry.

''Alright girlfriend. Oh wait-'' I look at the screen to notice another call, '' Babe I have another call on the other line.''

''Would bet everything I have that it is Shizuru.''

''Yeah probably.'' We laugh, exchange goodbyes and I hang up only to answer Shizuru.

''Ara, ara... It's so hard to get in touch with my champion.''

''Hey Shiz.''

Why am blushing more and more with each passing day with this woman.

''So I heard Natsuki excelled at tonight's game and scored all the vitory goals.''

''Wha- How did you know?'' How could this woman know everything miles away from me.

''Natsuki forgets I know everything. Especially if it involves my Suki.''

''Let me guess one of your fan girls ran the news to you!'' I say in accusation. Seriously though, lately their numbers increased enormously.

''Ara, I 've been caught. Although it would be appropiate to correct that she was indeed a boy.''

''Whatever. I'm heading back tonight, when are you coming?''

Shizuru was gone away due to some family stuff and it had been a week. I was getting irritated by it, bit by bit. I wanted her back, what exactly took her so long?

''Did my Natsuki miss me?''

''No!''

''Perhaps she missed my abrupt presence in her nightly activities with my best friend then?''

''Shizuru! Dammit woman!''

But I let my body fall down at the floor and rest my back to the cold floor while I close my eyes and listen to her chuckle on the other line with a thick accented ''kanin na''.

''Alyssa missed you.'' I murmur with a content smile on my face.

''And I missed both of you. Indeed I believe I've come to a revelation!''

''Oh is that so?''

''Hai, I have decided to wed you two!''

''WHA-? I'm too young Shiz and I dread what would become of me in the hands of you two.''

''Ara, I thought Natsuki was doing just fine...''

''Well maybe we should wed. Although I don't think we can wed that way in Japan.''

And I know she is startled but she doesn't show.

''We can go to some Eastern lands where I'm sure they would allow...''

And we continue our chatter till Shizuru scolds me for standing and letting my sweat go cold.

''Well what do you want me to do? Take a shower while talking?''

''Ara ara, Suki... Don't get me excited in the middle of the night.''

''Jesus woman!''

And we hang up, and I walked towards the showers. Walking in content, having been talking to the two most important people in my life.

After my shower I blindly pick up my phone without checking it, and walk downstairs to meet with my team. We were planning to bash it off till we stepped in the bus.

But I never made it to the bus.

I didn't bash off with my friends that night.

Because in an hour my phone rang with Shizuru screaming in panic.

I always wonder what would happen if I had jumped into the showers five minutes late, and actually heard the buzzing of my phone...

* * *

'' You know, how different things would be if I had answered what would be my girlfriend's last call to me...'' I murmur my final words and notice that my glass is empty.

Mei also notices it and moves beside me to refill it.

''Did she committed suicide?''

''Hai.''

My calmness surprises me. I gues in time you learn to talk about it normal once again.

''She was sexually abused...''

It is not a question but only a repetition that comes out of Mei's lips as she fills my glass and takes a seat close by me looking out at her garden.

''No.''

''No?'' her head snaps back at me in confusion.

Now Mei, this is were everything gets fucked up. The twist of our movie...

''I met her parents at the funeral. They are one the kindest people you can ever meet with.''

''What? But I thought- I don't understand Nats.''

I know that you don't understand. I didn't for a very long time too.

''Neither did I. It was in her funeral that both Shizuru and I learnt...''

I stop midway to look out the window. How come my mind is just blank right now. Just empty.

''Alyssa had borderline personality disorder.''

I hear a short gasp and turn my head to look at Mei's widened eyes.

''She never had a step father. She was never sexually abused. She was just sick. Very very sick. ''

I smile warmly with a touch of sorrow.

''And none of us had any idea...''

And we are taken out of our reverie with the ring of the bell.

The suffocating anesthetic slowly lifts off of me.

I shake my head sideways, and try to let go.

''Come on, they're here.'' I try to chirp and raise myself, reaching out my hand to Mei who takes it without uttering a word but only squeezes it in return...

* * *

**liked it? then review it! ^^**


	7. Chapter 7

**It's been a long time and something are due first;**

**Thank you all who voted in the competition, we didn't win the competition but we were offered a scholarship nonetheless. Which didn't turn out to be such a splendid idea when my girlfriend and I sat down to talk it over. Personal bullshit aside, to sum it up I'm sending her over to Spain while I, myself am staying behind to finish my university as originally planned...**

**But as you can guess I'm not feeling oh-so-very peachy. Which means for you readers, get ready for more drama and angst since that's how I'm feeling at the moment.**

**I'll give you a breather with this chapter though... This is the end of Part-I. Get ready for II.**

* * *

Somebody is stroking my hair... Is what I thought in my light slumber on the campus meadow.

I didn't for once thought of opening my eyes. It felt so peaceful, so much like home if I could ever have one. So much like a mother's caress if I could have get to know one.

So much like a lover's touch but I am sure it ain't one.

I know those slim fingers belong to a woman, I can feel the perfectly manicured fingernails as they stimulate one follicle at a time. She knows all of my soft spots and I wonder when did she get to know them. I know this because her fingers linger on those spots longer...

''There isn't a single gramme of fat on those slender limbs.''

_The voice comes from not far away, but not as close either. It doesn't belong to my Caresser. But it belongs to my girlfriend._

''Ara, yet her chest is still lacking in size ne...''

_Yeah, that's my Caresser. The woman who plans to kill me through a slow and painful death with her teases. I am supposed to be sleeping, so I keep my mouth shut and do everything in my power not to blush. It ain't a simple a job let me tell you._

I like the fact that my breasts are not huge alright! My girlfriend fills that department for the both of us. And while you, Shizuru Fujino, will complain from back pain in your later years, I'll still be jumping up and down without any complaints. Take that.

I hear a light chuckle shared by the two of them.

''Well Shiz, I like my women girlish as they can be...''

_Is that so Miss Searrs. How very nice to know, I let the others know._

''My Aly, that may not be the case with our little puppy. We should cherish these days for you and I both know she holds a promise of future sensuality like no other..''

''Okay, that's enough!''

I lift my head of off Shizuru and open my eyes to two grinning idiots. One holds an air of danger and risk while the other gave off a false air of mature charm and serenity. The very two women of my life.

''Don't do that.'' Alyssa says while still grinning. Her index finger reaches in between my brows and runs lightly on my skin, smoothing the wrinkles due to my pout.

''And you! Why are you always going with her flow! Can't you for once act like the mature woman you show off to be and tell my crazy of a girlfriend to shut her mouth whenever she starts talking like a perv?'' I pierce to those crimson eyes only to be welcomed with mirth.

_Why am I even trying? Neh.. It was worth a shot._

''Ara, I feel so vulnerable and shy when Natsuki looks straight into my eyes like this. Like... Like...'' Her slender hand comes up to hold her head as she makes a thinking pose. But I already know them enough to know she only gave a pass to Aly, and my girlfriend will finish it off for her.

'' Like a virgin.. Oh! Touched for the very first timeee...''

_Oh great. They are real idiots. And here they start singing in sync while moving closer to me with dove like eyes._

''Like a virgiiin! When your heart beats, next to mineeee!'' and I fall back on the grass as they jump on me for the last line of the song, their hands finding their way to my breasts easily.

''Virgin. Hah! Don't make me laugh!'' I leered at them, though I didn't try to get up right away. To tell you the truth I remember being perfectly zen. It's a secret guilty pleasure of mine but I don't think you can really blame me for it.

Let's be honest, who wouldn't enjoy the feeling of two hottest bodies on campus wrapped around you. If your response is a no, I know a great shrink I can recommend.

''Whatever Natsuki implies?'' the wolf said.

''Like the song goes my love you make us feel oh very shiny and new.'' My girlfriend added while giving a little bite on my ear lobe. Virgins huh...

''I swear you're the reincarnation of Benten.'' I try and defend my stance.

''Ara, goddess of fertility?''

''Well you have to have a lot of sex to fertilize don't you?''

''Love, what would we do without your logic in our nation's divine pure religion..''

''Whatever. You know what I mean.''

''Hai hai..'' they oblige for the first time in sync but I have a feeling I lost this discussion didn't I?

Shizuru takes her leave shortly after for her afternoon lecture and I watch her go while swinging her cute little ass sideways. When I turn my head back to my girlfriend though, I'm welcomed with a raised brow and an amused look.

So very busted.

''You know puppy, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I hadn't claimed you.''

''Ano.. What do you mean?'' Is there a way to dodge this discussion and bury the fact that I was checking out Shiz's ass? I don't think so.

''As in what would happen if I was never in the picture.''

''You're talking in riddles again Alyssa. You belong to me and I to you. Stop your philosophical bullshit babe...'' I bend to finish my statement with a mind blowing kiss, and it reaches firework standards in a second as Alyssa climbs up to my lap, wrapping her legs on my sitting body.

''Do you love her?'' she asks as our foreheads touch.

''Who? Shizuru?''

''Yea..''

''Of course I love her.''

''Are you in love with her?''

My forehead distances itself as I take a moment to look into those icy orbs.

''Whats wrong Aly? Whats with the questions?''

And until this day I never forgot Alyssa's words that came after my question and before her lips crashed on mine.

_''You are made for each other. That is why you're with me... I wanted to feel it too.''_

_

* * *

_

I never thought those words would haunt me as much as they do at the moment Shizuru. I never wanted you as much as I want you right now. I never thought I wouldn't be able to control the urge within me to touch you. But right now, I don't think I can hold myself. And damn the consequences, I want you.

When, where and why is 'now' you ask?

I have absolutely no fucking idea where on earth we are at the moment. We are in the far reaches of the ocean, far away from the city, residing in Mei's divorce trophy; her private island.

And before I explain you the certain slice of of the moment I'm living in, I have to take back and tell you a bit about our little vacation.

And why am I doing what I'm about to do?

Because everything I want is in this room.

We came to this trophical paradise two days ago, we being myself, Mei, Nao, Mai, Shizuru, Suzushiro and couple of new faces such as Mei's cousin Mikoto whom we all came to like in an instant, and her other cousin Midori Schwarz who is really a 19 year old pain in the ass. She is also the person responsible for all the morning headaches we seem to have lately. Anyways after the dinner Mei obliged all of us to take some time off on her private little island. After much excuses of work and what-not everybody accepted the offer and so we are here.

At the begining I was fine. My body felt fine, my headaches seemed to have lessen in impact and frequency. My muscles certainly didn't ache and I thank the sun for that, although I preferred to sit in the shades. I had my best friends, my medicine, and a daiquiri in my hands at all times. Life couldn't get any better than that.

Or at least I thought so, up until the moment I saw that blond goddess in her tiny little black bikini.

''Goodmorning.'' The sun goddess sang.

''Bad morning.'' Nao cut in since my brain seemed to think forming words right now an impossible task.

''Ara, why is that Naochan?''

''I just found a fucking grayish hair on my head. This is fucking depressing, I went to bed young and woke up as Meryl Freakin Streep!''

And to this opening line to our first day, we could help but laugh the life away.

''You know I'm gonna have to see it Red.''

''Later when I'm less vulnerable Blue. Right now I would like to drink away my sorrow if possible please.''

Shizuru turned to comply Nao's request while I just gave an understanding smile and turned my head to the woman I am deeply in love with.

Did I tell you how I wish I was that two piece of black clothing that surrounded those holy temples that rise and fall with every breath?

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I came here to forget and let go.

I turn my head back to the scenery and enjoy the quietness as everyone comes out of the house one by one. After the good morning exchanges we all sunbath our stress away and dwell ourselves in little chit chats.

Though by this time of our vacation, a.k.a my lovely paradise, has somewhat turned to my hell, since I had left the Suzushiro factor out of the equation. You have no idea how it felt to see Suzushiro put sun lotion on that glistening skin. Or watching Suzushiro playing with her fiancé in the water, being wrapped by those creamy legs underwater and having the kiss of her life before being drowned by those playful hands.

The moment I decided to run inside the little mansion and leave the beach was when I realized they were having sex in the middle of the ocean.

**_Yeah. I know._**

And so the vacation turned a little crazy the next night when Mei informed us of a close by island. An island just for a group of selected people, and with just the aim of partying. Partying hard.

After Midori's countless begging, on how she is so young and wants have fun and how we should help her as her sempais, we decided why the hell not and gathered on the yatch to sail to one crazy night.

If you would like a detailed description of the party I am the last person to ask it to another for I could not. My perception changed drastically after our 14th shot of something I had never drank before, and my ego was one matching of the Gods after the countless lines I did from a gorgeous woman's breasts.

Perhaps you can guess the after product of insane alcohol and cocain consumption...

If you can't let me tell you only this.

I was the one and only party monster. Monster as in not something cute and fun but in something vulgar and carnal.

The Natsuki, Nao had long missed...

''Natsuki-saaan!'' I could see Midori running towards me and why the hell the young brat choose me as her guide through the vacation I do not know. This obviously noticed by my friends sitting next to me created grins on the faces.

''First of all stop with the –san will ya. Secondly will you erase those smug smiles off your faces?'' I turn to my right to Nao and then to Mai and Mikoto who are sitting on my left side.

Mei is dancing on top some bar at the moment and god only knows where did that short black dress worn by my dear friend and my crush dissapeared into. Seriously I did everything in my power these two days to minimize by encounters with Suzushiro-Fujino dilemma and I have feeling the pretty blond with bloodshed eyes has already noticed this and is irritated by it. Although she doesn't show except for the few dagger looks she shots at me from time to time.

Midori threw herself in between me and Mai and made herself comfortable facing me with a drunk puppy look waiting to be rewarded.

''What the hell now?'' I ask with a raised brow not letting go of my cool. The cocain effect I believe. _Hey there! Don't judge, remember I'm on dead call waiting in line already!_

''Oh! So I, uh, I gave my phone number to the chick you showed!''

''Phone number or business card?'' Nao asks from next to me.

Don't be surprised. Midori is already a share holder in her father's grand company.

''Umm, I gave her my business card?''

I can see the doubt forming on the long red head and hear the smug grunt coming from my partner in crime.

''Not hot.''

''Red is right.'' I nod in confirmation.

''Why? What?''

''Why? Simple. Hi. I'm intimidated by the possibility of rejection, but my secretary isn't. Call her. That's why.'' Nao finishes her speech by downing another shot while I continue our lecture.

''You don't want to invite her to a job offer idiot. Everybody is already somebody here, and never ever become someone who need to show off her card in order to get inside somebody's pants. Write your number on her boobs for heaven knows. Do anything-but something more intimate.''

''Don't listen to them Midori. They are old perverts who wrote the book of flirtation although I can't seem to see them with their significant other.'

_Oh you hit home Mai. I hate you._

''Oh please Mai-chan dear, we can't see your supposed boyfriend here either can we now? Trouble in paradise sunshine?''

_Nao can be a bitch sometimes but I love that side of hers very much so._

''You know he has work. He is not like us.'' And although Mai gives a reasonable excuse I can't help but feel something is off. Well, right now I can only make her more drunk and make her forget. Tomorrow we can talk.

''Anyway kiddo, just go there and kiss the life out of that girl. Fuck the formalities.''

And with my green light the young red head jumped to her feet and ran back to the crowd, not forgetting to throw us a wink and a thumbs up.

''Oh the folly of the youth...'' Mai sighed as she eyed every single body dancing of to the beat.

I looked as well. Some were dancing, but most were openly in the foreplay of having sex, and some were already in the aftermath of their orgams scattered all along the dimly light beach.

Mai and Mikoto decided to give shot in the dance platform leaving only me and Nao.

''How are you?''

''Don't even go there Red.''

''Just asking. Out of formality.''

''Since when did you become so sentimental Red?'' I look to up to the light green orbs as they look back with indiffirence.

''Since I found a fucking white hair on my head.''

''Aww. Gray. Grayish. Don't forget.''

''Why thank you Blue.''

''You're welcome dear.''

''I just flashed to our sixties, and I think I wanna puke.''

I chuckle to my friend's antics and raise my body from where I was sitting.

''Well, come along then, let's show everyone how a real party is supposed to be.''

Nao caught my extended hand with a sly smirk and we made our way in to the crowd. The fact that Nao was sitting to accompany me was sweet actually. I know my friend to every inches and there is a reason why she didn't disappear to have group sex with the hottest bodies this party had. It's her subtle way of being by my side, and I love her to pieces for that invisible fact.

''Nats!''

''Mei!''

An hour later I find Mei jumping on me and wrapping her legs around me, I also find my hands grabbing her tight ass. I grin to Mai and Mikoto sitting behind where Mei had jumped from. They surely seem to have focused on each other since they didn't even acknowledge our presence.

They were both drunk but that is besides the point.

I recognize the look on their faces...

I used to look like that too, didn't I?

You know.. When you feel flirty and fluffy all at the same time. The playful and shy flirtation that creates goosebumps on your skin, a blush on your face, and sweat in your palms.

''Where were you?'' Mei huskily breaths to my face and I am distracted from watching the newly forming couple.

''Oh you know... This breast, that ass...''

''My Kuga, who knew you talked dirty when you party.''

''Oh you just heard the prologue sweetheart.''

Her only response is to giggle while I lift her a little bit to make us both more comfortable with our position. Right as I was about to ask Mei to play strip poker with me, and I have no idea how we were suppose to play it without any cards, an invitation of shots are thrown our faces with a grinning Nao.

''To life!'' she chirps as the excess alcohol and drug consumption changes her to a philosophical imp.

''Hai!'' Mei joins the excitement wave and Mai and Mikoto turn holding their glasses as well.

''As short as it is I love you all...''

That single motherly speech from one and only Mai Tokiha pulls a string in me somewhere as I silently smile and crash my glass to other four hanging in the air.

_As short as _it is... I will never have this moment. I will never have more than these little memories I am creating for myself. This happiness, these carefree laughter, and this joy won't be for long...

And among the sea of people, only one feeling wraps me._ I'm scared._

I down the bittersweet liquid as fast as I can while holding Mei with a single arm. I feel her muscular thighs contracting against my loins, and I'm sure even if I let go both arms she would still be glued to where she is right now. She downs her shot and throws her glass, which I'm sure hit somebody in the head somewhere. Her cheek touches mine innocently as I hear her talk to Nao who is behind me. My eyes meet with Mai, who only smiles genuinely. But it only reminds me of her words.

_As short as it is... I want to feel alive._

With the clouded judgement of my fucked up mind I squeeze Mei's little ass and she moves right away to give her full attention to my emeralds.

''Yes Kuga?'' she breaths hoarsely and her eyes thin in a dare.

''I can hold you so innocently this far..''

''My is that so? I must have under estimated your stamina. Pity.'' With her last word her face inched towards mine.

''I never said I can't keep on until the sun rise princess. Only implied I am not as chivalrous as you may think myself to be.''

''But you are Kuga. You are the safest arms to be wrapped around here...'' And to enhance her words, her arms sneak around my neck grabbing a handful of my hair in the process.

''And if you're proven wrong?''

It's the final act before the grand finale and I'm aware of this little slice in time right before our lips will crash onto each other.

''That wouldn't be such a loss either...''

''Well, since we made sure you win either way-''

She never let me finish, not that I had many more words to utter. The warmth wrapping my mouth lit a little fire in my body. I never hoped for it to warm my whole, let alone burn it, yet it still felt like I was alive.

My hold on her ass tightened as so did her hold, and our mouth made way for our tongues to tango. To my surprise Mei never tried to dominate but let me set the pace of our feverish make out. She only raised her self on my lap and tightened her hold with her legs and my loins ached lustfully to her pressure. We broke away from the kiss only to bite each other's now swollen lips, and her tongue slipped out to lick away the remaining taste of her on my lips.

''Where did Shizuru go?''

I snapped my head away towards the question issued only to find Suzushiro holding two glasses of Long Island.

_Fuck! It can't possibly..._

I turn to find all three of my friends looking at me and Mei in a dazed state as if they were witness of something utterly speechless.

''Umm, she just left Haruka-chan.'' Mai stuttered, convincing me of what I dread had actually happened.

_Shizuru had seen me and Mei. **Kiss.** She had seen everything hadn't she..._

I only laughed to my fate which earned sadness to appear in Mei's face as she let herself go from my arms and land back to the ground. My hands didn't make a single move to hold her place.

''Left? But where the did she go? We've been looking for you guys all night?'' Suzushiro crashed her brows and looked around frantically, raising on her foot for better vision.

''Oh she told me it's fine Haruka. She said she just needed a walk that's one let's have a few shots for the success of this year!''

Spoken like a true PR, I see Nao motioning me that she would handle Suzushiro, which means she is telling me to run after Shizuru.

I have to run after Shizuru.

God dammit! I have to find her.

As the truth of everything crashes down on me I turn back to Mei only to find her give me a slight nod in affirmation for me to leave.

''We would never work anyways.''

I smile to her words and kiss her from her left temple as she flushes her head towards my lips.

I let go and turn around towards the crowd and rush in.

No, no, no. No.

No.

That's not her either.

_Where the hell are you Shizuru?_

I find myself at the beach, having looked everywhere. Maybe she went back to her fiancé, well of course she did. They are probably making out as I'm walking in god knows where?

I let out a sigh and drop my body to the sand. I feel tired. Very tired. And the last thing I wish is to go back only to find those two smitten in an embrace. Maybe I should go back to the house. Why am I out here anyways...

What were you gonna say even if you found her Kuga? Oh Shizuru forgive me for making out with yet another close friend of yours, but you see in reality I am fucking in love with you, so much that it hurts. It hurts so much, that I find myself doing the most stupid mistakes one can possibly do.

It hurts so much to know I shall never have you, that I wish to die before my due time. Even this skull-splitting headache is not the product of my tumored cells, but my tumored heart.

I get on the yacht, alone and ask the captain to drop me off and then to come back for my friends. He only smiles in confirmation.

As the black velvet of a sea surrounds me, and the music leaves my ears and the lights leave my vision, I find myself remembering the past once again...

_The three of use were lazily sitting on the grass surrounded by many people, very few I recognized. My attention left my girlfriend who was busy talking about a fascinating band she had discovered yesterday, and fell upon you who was searching for something._

_You're thirsty? I think I just saw you checking out the coffee that brown haired girl is holding._

_I offered you a sip of my cider under the bridge, you smiled like a five year old, and you drank half of the bottle!_

_Bitch._

_I'd paid a fiver for that._

_But, I loved your very nearly arrogant self-confidence._

_And I loved the fact that when you smiled, I could do nothing but smile as well._

_And only now, I recognize everything. Why I always had the urge to turn my head to where you were. Why my eyes had to fell upon you after distracting itself for so long. Why even those days I had to text you every hour just to start another tease-full conversation to pass the time. Or call you to whine about my girlfriend whenever you were away._

_Only now, do I recognize if you had not been in Alyssa's life, she would not be in mine. Only now, do I know why I thought my life was perfect... because you were in the picture. And only now, do I know how terrible it must have been for you. How cruel and selfish of me..._

As the yacth arrives to our little port, I feel myself surrounded with grief, knowing that I can never ask for your forgiveness. Knowing, I can never ask for your love so late in our story.

But all thought leaves me when I notice the dim light coming from the house. I find myself locked on the light, and my feet walks towards it like a moth to flame. I'm aware of everything around me, the calm, the sound of sand beneath my feet, or the sweet melody coming from the ocean. I reach the port only to crack a single wood and I cringe to have made a sound.

I make myself in, slowly and silently.

''Hello?'' I find myself only breathing out the words in mere whisper, so I clean my throat and try once again, just a tad louder. No reply. I look at the couch next to me to find the light silk scarf that adorned your neck tonight. My fingers touch the material and lift it to my face only to inhale your torturing scent.

It's you. You are home.

I look upstairs. No light. You must be asleep?

I find myself walking up the stairs, one foot at a time.

My bedroom is downstairs, but I have no intention to go to bed before seeing your face once again tonight.

I arrive at your door and stand still. No sound or light comes. My hands tremble as they grab the knob and twist it clockwise, opening the door slightly ajar.

Oh dear God.

I hold my breath from the vision that beholds me. Right 'now' you are lying on your back, your ethereal form lid by the moon. Your hands lay idly on both your sides and a black sleeping shade covers your eyes to help you drift to opiate dream world.

I take a step inside the room, and become aware of the small noise your breathing creates. I slowly close the gap between us and come standing right in front of your body spread in bed. Your black camisole has been moved upwards revealing your abdomen to my eyes, gambling my sanity away from me. Your statuesque legs bend slightly giving you an image of a goddess in womb. So unworldly, so inhumane, and so beautiful.

Everything I ever want is in this room.

All that I want is you Shizuru...

''Gomen...''

I whisper as my body slowly climb onto the bed, I am no tiger closing it's prey, I'm nothing but a mortal soul being sucked into her fatal fate.

It's your fault I can't control myself. I'ts your fault, I'm about to do what I always wanted and dreaded to do. You play, gamble, and fool around with my sanity Shizuru. I'm sorry.

You are unaware of my body that hangs on top of you. My hair fell on the sides of your head and you move slightly tickled by them. I look at your half covered face which only shows your lush lips to me. I can not see your eyes even if they popped open right now, and I'm glad for it. My head falls towards you slowly and I linger when I'm not even inches away from your lips, feeling your breath warming my lips. Slowly and cautiously my lips touches yours. I stop and let a little gap to search for any reaction. None comes.

I dip my head once again, this time no longer able to hold the animal within me. I part your lips and start making slow love to them. In few second I find you stirring, and moving your head away.

''Ha-ruka?'' you sleepily mumble while I only hum in response and dip back to those rose lips which I find myself addicted to.

This time though, you respond to the movement. I find your lips slowly moving against mine and I close my eyes in the dream of it. I can feel every little line in those lips, I can weight the precise volume of them. Oh god Shizuru, you have no idea what you're doing, better yet you have no idea what you're doing to me...

It wasn't me when my tongue darted itself out slowly, I swear it wasn't me. My original plan was to smoothly extract myself from her while she was still on the borthers of dream and reality. But I did not did I. I continued to my doom...

With the contact of my tongue, I heard her breath hitch and my eyes popped open to find her left hand reach up to her eye shades.

No! She can't see me.

My hand grab yours instantly and in that moment I'm very sure you became aware of everything. After all who better knows the feeling of my hands if not you... You do know don't you Shizuru? You have to know the difference between my touch and your fiancé's. Please tell me you do...

''Haru-''

I cut her short and crash my lips onto hers and hear her give a short yelp in return. Her resistance falls short and she gives in to the kiss, not making a sound. I feel her lips moving with force against mine, as we go on like that for what seemed like an eternity.

You moved once again to remove your sleeping shade and I let go of my other hand holding me in balance on top your body to capture yours. I hold both your hands on top of your head, as my body fully fell down on top of you. I can feel you. All of you, trembling under me.

''Ara did Haruka-chan miss me that much?''

It's the way she seductively utters those words, it's the little smirk that adorns those lips which I had raped a second ago. It's everything. Everything about you drives me crazy!

I stop and only look at her in fury. How could you utter her name? Don't you even know the difference? How can you not sense the difference! How can you not know that it's my body pressed onto yours! How could you forget my scent so easily and mix it with somebody else's?

I hold the groan coming from deep within, and reach for the black silk scarf I had brought with me from downstairs, while holding your wrists with a single hand. I find myself sitting on you and tie your wirsts without any consideration if it hurts or not. How could you not know?

I hear the surprised yelp you give when you realize I have immobilised you to bed rest. I spent no second to waste and dip my head back at your lips, this time with ferocity. I can feel my lungs burning, and that I'm breathing fire. The worst of all is that I know you're enjoying this, as you reply with the same ferocity. And to think you believe it's that god damn blond you're having on top you?

Well Shizuru, does Haruka know that you love to be bitten?

''Nnh...!''

Or does she know of your soft spot right under your ear?

''Ahh..hh.''

Does she know what sound you make when my teeth will graze your neck?

''Godness!..nnh.''

Because I do.

But I hate the fact that she also _tasted you._ You also let her tongue drift from your clavicle all the way down to your sternum did you not?

''Ahh Haru-wait...nnh!''

There is no Haruka here. And trying to free your hands won't work. You may struggle all you want beneath me. It only makes me want you more.

I drop my head on your chest and listen to your erratic heart beats. Does she make you this excited Shizuru? I bring my head up and my hands slowly pull on your camisole, your erect nipples inform me of their nakedness under this piece of cloth. I wish to rip it off of you, but my hands behave gentle against me and my feelings.

As your bare body comes revealed, I become aware of the breath I'm holding. You are so beautiful... So beautiful that it brings ache to my heart and before I know a single tear escapes from my eyes and falls on to your stomach. You shiver from the slight contact. I stand there frozen looking at the lone tear as another falls right next to it. And here comes the third to accompany it. You are aware of the wetness that slowly lands on your hot skin. Silence engulfs us as both, while our breathing inclines. I do nothing but stare at your moving tummy, my hands frozen in their mission of stripping you.

_I just... love you so much. Gomen Shizuru... I can't do this._

''Gome-''

My whisper of an apology is cut short and I yelp in surprise when a pair of arms cover my body. I stand shocked sitting on your lap while your arms caress my whole. I feel your shaky breath against my ear while I only look at the black silk scarf that is tossed aside.

_When did you break free...?_

''Don't.''

I shiver with your whisper and I'm no longer able to control the sobs that are coming slowly yet steadily. I held the sounds in though.

She moves slightly away, positioning her face right in front of mine. I try and look behind the sleeping shade she still has, and then unexpectedly I find her lips touching mine in a shy way. They only touch the first time, but they linger in the second.

The third time they approach I capture them with all the love I have within me letting go of my shock. You internally gasp as my arms find their way around your neck and pull you closer. Your grip on my lower back tightens as well. I taste your saliva mixing with my tears. I have never felt so alive and whole as I have felt holding you like this. You holding me like this... My legs move to wrap you in an embrace as your hands move me closer towards your body, leaving no room for space.

Oh God. I can feel your body pressed against mine and the feeling is dizzying. With every breath you take I become more and more aware of your every little curve.

''Ahh...'' I let a sound out and my hands rush to my mouth immediately, recognizing my fault. I stand there shocked, my hands on my mouth looking at her, waiting for her reaction.

''Ara...'' Your head move slightly to your right.

I see your head come close and kiss the hands which cover my mouth.

''I was scared... '' you whisper to the back of my hands, ''To think I would loose my memories of your cute sounds.''

My hands slowly left my mouth and touched her face, gripping the shades that covered those eyes I needed to see so much right now. Scared of what might happen I very slowly moved it upwards. Her eyelids came to my vision, as she still had her eyes closed. I lifted the material off and threw it to the side, I could hear my heart beating loud in my head, and was very surprised to notice she didn't hear it... It felt as though the whole world would go deaf from it's sound.

And then they were there. Crimson boring into the most hidden layers of my soul. I am way too close to your face to gather exactly what emotion is on your face at the moment. And what seemed like a good idea, now seems the worst of all. Your eyes... My erratic breathing escalates even more as I once again place my hands on your neck.

''Shi..zu..ru.. I-''

''I missed you.''

You said breaking my train of thought, I could feel both our trembling bodies shake with more fever with your last words.

When our lips crashed to each other, I never stopped to think the past tense you preferred to use. And I would learn the difference between an ''I miss you and an I missed you'' the very next morning...

But right now, I didn't give a damn.

You changed our positions and I let myself fall back on the bed with you on top of me. Your lips quickly left mine in order to worship my body. You didn't for once asked for permission, and you did not need so. You can have me any way you've ever wanted Shizuru... I'm yours.

Your hands reached for my white shirt and lifted off of me, I spent no time in mimicking your actions. You halted when you realized you were face to face with my bare body, and I couldn't keep my eyes off of yours as well.

''Natsuki...'' Your right hand stood in the air right above my chest as you looked into my eyes.

''Touch me.'' Was all I whispered, and you complied immediately.

I groaned from deep within when your tongue made contact with my throat... You kissed, bit, and licked until it satisfied you for the moment, your trembling hands reached for the outlines of my breasts as I hold my breath. Your face came closing down on them, and stopped mere inches away only to stimulate them with your breathing.

You're cruel woman. You are damn cruel...

''Hooly mmnnh..!'' I found my body arch upwards towards your mouth, giving myself to your mercy. A mercy you did not plan to grant me...

Your mouth closed on my left breast, and I moaned everytime you tongue turned in swirls and your teeth fooled around twisting it every now and then. I couldn't breathe, I seriously couldn't breathe Shizuru.

Your head pulled upwards slightly and your hands crashed both my breasts bringing them together so that your mouth...

_Oh dear mother fucker for fucks sake!_

_I can't hold it in any more Shizuru... It's too much. You are too much._

Before my brain would shut down with my heart, I raised myself and captured your butt cheeks with both hands. I raised you and myself off the bed while you only yelped in surprise. I didn't even give you a second to process as I lifted you up once again and crashed our bodies to the nearest wall. We both let out a grunt but you quickly repositioned yourself to comfort.

''Na..tsu..ki?''

You looked deep into my eyes as I stood there, my hands holding you from your ass. I could not bring myself to form any words because I was scared. I was scared the moment I would talk you would let go of me, say that this was a mistake and ask my to leave your room. No. I can not talk Shizuru. I don't want to leave...

''I don't want to leave... I don't Shiz...'' My voice broke halfway into my sentence, and held her even more tightly.

''I don't want Natsuki to leave...'' You said not in your usual calm manner but more in a trembling kind of way.

I reached for your lips once again and we both closed our eyes to give in to the sensation. I spent no time in drifting away from your lips to your jaw. I made my way down to your throat which pulsated in my mouth. Soon I found myself where I wish to be the most. My mouth closed on your breast and you moaned like I've never heard you before. It was a sound I lustfully enjoyed and wished to hear yet again. My teeth grazed your erect nipple and bit down, but no sound. I followed down your ribcage and bite my way through it, no sound.

I was getting more and more irritated, I wished to hear you Shizuru. I had to hear you. And today all those working out, and gym fees better pay off! I pulled you higher up and you let out a little scream in shock as my head became parallel to your tummy. I kissed my way down while still holding you up gradually. Soon it downed on you... You knew where I was headed.

Shizuru was extremely light to my surprise. I though the act of oral sex while holding your partner up towards the ceiling would be a tough job to pull. Guess not. I felt like I could even throw you high in the air and catch without much problem...

But right now I believe I'm up in the air already. I part your legs only to find you light pubic hair make way to something so pink and alive.

''Jesus Natsuki!''

You hold on to my skull as if your life depends on it and I am loving the painful sensation it brings. Now I have more important matters to attend my love, so if you excuse me...

''Fuck!''

''Nnnh! Ahh.. thre! Ahnost-! Suki!''

It is not enough Shizuru. Even when I bury myself deep within your most sacred, it's not enough. I want to feel everything out of you...

''Fuuc..no..anhhthere! Jesussuki! Aaah...''

I move my tongue in and out of you imitating an intercourse, and your moans turns into cries as I feel your body let out unintentional spasms. I flicker my tongue on your nerve bundle leaving where my tongue was to my fingers. You're so wet Shizuru that it sucks my finger without the need of any force.

And you scream out my name.

And I close my eyes to listen to it's beauty.

I thrust back and forth just to hear that scream over and over again, and you don't disappoint. With every thrust I hear you moan and scream my name while I'm sure your nails have bleed my skull open... I don't know for how long I fucked you against the wall, for it did not seemed enough. I only came out of my trance when you added a new sentence in between your cries.

''Suki! SukiI'mcoming! GodI'mclose! Nastuki!''

I know you are close love but let me enjoy this moment tad a little longer...

I let you fall a little down and your arms grab my back instantly. I continue thrusting my fingers in and out of your spread legs while looking into your clouded crimson eyes. I see a single tear form and begone in an instant as it came.

''Nnh nhh nhh!''

''I love you Shizuru...'' I whisper to her ear and kiss her from her temples as I thrust in for the final blow and her whole body wraps me in a tight embrace.

That was it.

In that moment, I never felt more alive and secure than I ever did in my entire life.

I had never felt more loved than when you came crushing down from your orgasm Shizuru, holding me tightly...

I kissed you all over your face and gently lied you back to bed. You looked up to me with half open eyes and smiled.

''I don't want to leave Shiz.''

''Take me to your room...''

Hope filled inside me as I grinned to my creamy goddess. I picked up your camisole and my shirt instantly and lifted you bridal style quickly leaving your bedroom and heading downstairs. I managed down the stairs with tripping both of us while you nuzzled your face deep into my neck. I laid you down my bed and pulled the sheets over you while getting out of my now wet jeans and losing my underwear. I moved closer to your warmth while you lay sideways looking at me with amused eyes.

''Ara, Suki's feet are cold.''

''Well Hime-sama somebody had to carry you...''

There is a short silence before you say,

''Ookini Suki...''

And I smile ignorantly before I reply,

''Anytime princess..''

I kissed you from your eyes and closed them for you while my arms wrapped your whole body pulling you even closer. Your head moved under my chin, and I kissed you on top of your head wishing you sweet dreams...

You left little kisses on my torso until we both fell to a peaceful slumber.

How foolish of me to think you thanked me for carrying you down to my bed.

How foolish of me to think my action of appearing on your bed without explaining how I felt, would end up in mutual understanding of my feelings.

You only thanked me because you thought it was my final gift to you didn't you Shizuru?

You thanked the gods for giving you one final chance to feel me, didn't you?

Did it never crossed your mind that I was fucking in love with you?

Would it be too late when you noticed?

Would it be too late before I noticed what I oh so ignorantly did to you?

* * *

**Liked it? Then review it ;)**

**WELL THIS IS THE END OF PART-I. **

**YES I TOLD YOU ''IT WAS HER STORY'' BUT I NEVER SAID IT WAS NATSUKI'S STORY ALONE... PART-II WILL BE TOLD FROM SHIZURU'S POINT OF VIEW :)**

**HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!**


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